First date ick - am I being a princess?

[Brummytobites]

I’ve gotten the ick today and I’m a bit gutted. Speaking to someone new, it’s all been very fast paced as in talking 24/7, emotionally sharing, he’s invited me on a date for the first day we chatted, I’ve held off for what is now just over 4 weeks.

We’re supposed to be going out in our city centre this weekend. Booked the table at a great and very fancy restaurant that we both like a couple of weeks back, kept having to amend the date as he was suggesting seeing me sooner but I’ve held firm on leaving it a few weeks, only to now find he’s messed up the booking and there’s no space available for the day we’d planned. He’s now frantically suggesting various other places but they are much more casual. I’m annoyed. I’d ordered a new - very dressy - outfit. Booked in my nails etc. made a real effort.

I feel bitchy for saying I don’t want to go to any of these places but equally why should I lower my standards? I was looking forward to a weekend dinner and drinks at a lively place. The date place is somewhere I can and do go alone with friends and family so it’s not like I’m relying on a meal ticket, it’s definitely a “destination bar/restaurant” He’s a little bit insecure and seems to be seeking my assurance that he’s not annoyed me frequently - which up to now he hasn’t - so I think he can tell I’m a little ticked off and I’m feeling very awkward about even raising the issue.

I realise this sounds silly but it’s really annoyed me. This guy has basically been saying he’s ready do give me the world for the past month and banged on about liking the same places and his general generosity. What would you do? AIBU to expect someone to be more organised and meet my expectations?

😂

You asked in the thread title if you are being a princess. People have responded mostly to say that yes you are. And all you are doing is arguing about that's how you want to date and that's what you expect.
So why ask?
You are a princess and way too high maintenance
Stay single is my best advice
No one will live up to your high expectations

This all sounds so intense. Like you want some perfect "making memories" instagramable first date. You did invite comment so i'll be honest - you are being so princessy and not in a good way.

Because seemingly the people saying IABU are the ones missing the point and more concerned with snarky remarks about my preferences and lifestyle. The people saying IANBU are the ones who have read and comprehended that it’s about being given a script and then let down and messed about. If I cancel the date I’ll be going somewhere equally as nice with my friends instead (it’s nothing to do with the guy taking me)

It’s one of those threads isn’t it?

OP - AIBU

Overwhelming majority - yes you are

OP - you’re all wrong and I’m only going to acknowledge the few who agree with me and ignore anyone else

Reading comprehension would serve you well here babe

I can understand this honestly.

I cant sat that my marriage was healthy or good for me and I ended up having a terribel breakdwon and losing everything I worked for. so I wouldn't advocate that.

For goodness sake just meet the guy ANYWHERE in real life and see if you like him before you worry over such pretentious things. A one hour coffee date, like him… great book the fancy restaurant, don’t like him - an hour & less than £5 wasted.

You shouldn't lower your standards ......but.....that is not the place for a first date. You don't know that you even like him yet.
Id have met for coffee first then maybe the restaurant on the 2nd or 3rd date.
I would have been pissed off my this as the three husbands I have had have all been utter let downs and Id leg it if I met another one 😅

Oh OP. You have wasted so much time on a person you don't know at all with '24/7' messaging and 'hours of facetime a day', without even meeting him.

You have got everything backwards. Now you are throwing a strop over a restaurant. You need to reassess what is important to you, because your time clearly isn't.

Agreed!

I don’t see the point in emotionally investing before you have even met! And I always got nicely dressed for dates. OP sounds more bothered about the venue than the man.

I really do think you are being exceptionally unreasonable, but it’s your life.

Jesus wept, he needs to run.

Removing your head from your own backside would serve you well ‘babe’

OP, I think you’re getting an unnecessary kicking, but it’s AIBU, and the gloves come off!

I’m going to take a different view to most of the comments here. I think he’s love-bombing you and is now seeing what you’ll tolerate when he doesn’t do what he said he would or has led you to expect.

He kept pushing for meeting sooner and making bookings when you’d been clear that you didn’t want to yet. Maybe hoping you’d buckle and give in.

Now he’s not booked at all, again hoping you’ll compromise your expectations and standards.

He can say what he likes, it’s what he does that matters. And he’s fallen at the first fence. It’s a restaurant booking it’s not rocket science. And then he’s been sulky about you being less than enthusiastic about his fuck-up.

If it was me and I was already disappointed, feeling pressured, and having huge claims on my time I’d be calling it off…

I don’t think you’re being a princess. But even if you are, we’re constantly told to know our worth, raise the bar etc etc. so if this is your line that’s absolutely fine. Be true to yourself.

one thing I will say is that being organised is not too much to ask. my husabnd is the most disorganised person and it oddest stop at dates - it impacts absolutely everything. holidays, flight bookings, house renovations, financial planning, abosultoely everythign. the one time he was responsible to pay a bill when I was unwell he managed to get a CCJ

This is way too intense and you are way too obsessed with your ideal first date.
At the end of the day he is just a person, not a knight in shining armour coming to whisk you off.
He messed up the booking, it's not a big deal. Just go somewhere else. Or alternatively, why don't you book somewhere. Why are you putting it all on him?

trouble was when my husband became a high earner he still only took me for big mac and fries and I think that hurt me

and it’s not that he’s gone off the idea as he seems utterly obsessed with me (maybe too much so).

I assume you are young or don’t have much experience with men.

All men will be utterly obsessed with you at first.

They will say everything that you want to hear and will parrot back to you what you want.

You need to stop listening to what people say and base your opinion on their actions.

I like the idea of getting to know someone a bit over text before meeting but it’s only when you meet do you get more of a sense of the real them.

If you had met sooner, you would have not wasted your time on him.

So I would always meet for a quick coffee or walk first because some men are completely different in person and you can sometimes pick this up straight away.

You have this idea of the perfect date in your mind but life’s not really like that.
You are trying to see if you like the man or not.

Thank you very much for understanding 💐

Posts nor going as you expected it to OP is it??
Be gracious and accept the feedback is heavily against your opinion. Maybe we're all wrong OP and you're right but it looks as though unless you're prepared to lower your expectations, you're probably going to be single for quite some time.......

FWIW. Only read the first couple of pages, I don't think you're being a princess. If you get the ick, you get the ick!

❤️❤️❤️

I always go for cheap dates because I think if you can have a good time with someone on a walk or in McDonald’s then it shows you’re truly compatible.

It’s about the person, not the fancy experience.

See, I wouldn't want to waste a whole lunch or dinner on someone I would know after five minutes if I liked or not. Coffee is plenty of time, if we hit it off we can continue the date

🙄