First date ick - am I being a princess?

[Brummytobites]

I’ve gotten the ick today and I’m a bit gutted. Speaking to someone new, it’s all been very fast paced as in talking 24/7, emotionally sharing, he’s invited me on a date for the first day we chatted, I’ve held off for what is now just over 4 weeks.

We’re supposed to be going out in our city centre this weekend. Booked the table at a great and very fancy restaurant that we both like a couple of weeks back, kept having to amend the date as he was suggesting seeing me sooner but I’ve held firm on leaving it a few weeks, only to now find he’s messed up the booking and there’s no space available for the day we’d planned. He’s now frantically suggesting various other places but they are much more casual. I’m annoyed. I’d ordered a new - very dressy - outfit. Booked in my nails etc. made a real effort.

I feel bitchy for saying I don’t want to go to any of these places but equally why should I lower my standards? I was looking forward to a weekend dinner and drinks at a lively place. The date place is somewhere I can and do go alone with friends and family so it’s not like I’m relying on a meal ticket, it’s definitely a “destination bar/restaurant” He’s a little bit insecure and seems to be seeking my assurance that he’s not annoyed me frequently - which up to now he hasn’t - so I think he can tell I’m a little ticked off and I’m feeling very awkward about even raising the issue.

I realise this sounds silly but it’s really annoyed me. This guy has basically been saying he’s ready do give me the world for the past month and banged on about liking the same places and his general generosity. What would you do? AIBU to expect someone to be more organised and meet my expectations?

Yes you're being a princess. Also a bit odd. Actually quite odd. I'd let this poor insecure man go. And have a think about your own red flags

Are you always this dramatic and high maintenance? And up answer your question yes you are being a total princess and I reckon he’ll dodge a bullet if you’ve got the ick and pull out.

There’s huge red flags here and not from him

You’ve given him the ick!
You are being too ridiculous!
Go or don’t go.
And sack the therapist blathering on about boundaries … you’re not lowering boundaries, you’re forgiving a mistake ! Wow

Sorry haven’t read the whole thread.
I voted YABU.
I think it’s crazy to go to a posh/expensive restaurant on a first date. Surely you just go for a coffee date first to see if you actually like each other? I am guessing he was going to be paying for this extravagant first date? And if so in return he was probably expecting you to agree to a 2nd date 😬. What if you don’t like each other when you meet? You have then wasted a lot of money (or he has), bought a posh frock etc….that’s way too much pressure to put on yourself and each other.

Go for a coffee or walk in the park.

So so many posters on here don’t understand what ‘having standards’ are. It means you want a decent guy who will see you as an equal. A man who loves bombs nonsense on text and then takes you out on an expensive date should be the men you are running far and fast from. Any man who treats you ‘like a princess’ is a misogynist, and if you can’t understand that, stay away from dating whilst you work it out.

you sound like hard work

I’d be suspicious that this guy is telling you what you want to hear and promised you the fine dining experience but can’t actually afford it- how sure are you that his financial circumstances & lifestyle match yours? I think people are getting hung up on the fine dining aspect but if you’d arranged to go ice skating because you supposedly both loved it then at the last minute he changed it to rock climbing people would agree with you. You want someone with a shared ethos- doesn’t sound like this guy has it!

I’m getting the ick reading your posts OP.

But the idea of 'just a coffee' is so you don't have sit sit through hours of misery and spend a fortune if he's a total jeb end in real life'.

Dating by going for fancy meals for a first date is madness and way too much pressure.

You just said he expects to facetime you for multiple hours a day. How is that valuing your time? Much more efficient would be to chat for a couple of days, go on a first date, and then decide if you want to spend hours a day on this man.

Gen X here

I'm not sure why going for a coffee with someone in a public places to get to know someone is a situation

when I was dating there wasn't internet, mobile phones and we got to know each other face to face. You'd know after a date or two whether you wanted to continue

Have you misread?

The OP asks if she herself is being princessy!

The guy hasn't said she's a princess.

In other words, is she coming over like that because she's high maintenance (nails and new dress before the date) and taking offence as the date they decided on is now fully booked.

My guess is that if during their hours of talking over 4 weeks he's got this idea she's a stunner, rich and maybe out of his league.

To counteract that he's trying to be 'all man' and sweep her off her feet.

@Brummytobites How did he mess up the booking?

All you each had to do was agree on a date (after you'd delayed seeing him for weeks), he said he'd book it and voila!

What went wrong? HOW could it go wrong?

Have you double checked either by phoning them or trying to do an online booking yourself to see if that a date is fully booked?

A £200 dinner is not a fortune to some people though, and they can afford to take the risk of it being wasted.

Going for ‘fancy meals’ on a date is not madness, just a difference in lifestyle. Not everyone will live the same standard of life, but OP obviously does.

Who could be bothered. Must of us have been able to find wonderful, extremely wealthy men without any of this time wasting.

Once again someone asking mumsnet a question but then not liking the answers so defending themselves until the cows come home instead of actually listening to the answers to their own question… 🙄

Could someone please tell the guy OP is a 🚩 and to 🏃‍♀️

You’ve wasted this man’s time & come across as shallow & materialistic. This is not the way to form fulfilling healthy relationships.

A sulky baby voice??

Iiiiiiiiiiicccccckkkkkk!!!

Come on woman, red flags all over the place place!

Very OTT. You both sound ridiculous. I'd have got the ick over the baby voice garbage but he should have the ick over your apparent superficial nature.

What a high maintenance, hard to please couple you would be AND you haven't even met in person?!
Time to let each other go and find someone who is a better match.. Although in your case I appreciate that would be insanely hard to find.

YABU. And yes, you're being a princess.

@LucyLoo1972

Girl, your husband sounds pretty shit tbh.

Raise your bar.

Do you not want to go out?

The impression I got @Gremlingsis that the op, and others on this thread, actually want to be treated like a princess. They think it’s a good thing. They think that it means they have standards. When actually all it means is that they don’t think women are men’s equals. And the men don’t either.

Have we? My ex has a very high salary but he’s a bloody nightmare. We also used to go to 5* hotels and Michelin restaurants. Trouble is none of that makes you happy if you’re sharing it with the wrong person. Give me fish & chips or even a Big Mac on a first date with a genuinely good guy any day.

You value your time but you’ve wasted weeks of it on a man who is giving you the ick before you’ve even met - make it make sense 😂😂😂