First date ick - am I being a princess?

[Brummytobites]

I’ve gotten the ick today and I’m a bit gutted. Speaking to someone new, it’s all been very fast paced as in talking 24/7, emotionally sharing, he’s invited me on a date for the first day we chatted, I’ve held off for what is now just over 4 weeks.

We’re supposed to be going out in our city centre this weekend. Booked the table at a great and very fancy restaurant that we both like a couple of weeks back, kept having to amend the date as he was suggesting seeing me sooner but I’ve held firm on leaving it a few weeks, only to now find he’s messed up the booking and there’s no space available for the day we’d planned. He’s now frantically suggesting various other places but they are much more casual. I’m annoyed. I’d ordered a new - very dressy - outfit. Booked in my nails etc. made a real effort.

I feel bitchy for saying I don’t want to go to any of these places but equally why should I lower my standards? I was looking forward to a weekend dinner and drinks at a lively place. The date place is somewhere I can and do go alone with friends and family so it’s not like I’m relying on a meal ticket, it’s definitely a “destination bar/restaurant” He’s a little bit insecure and seems to be seeking my assurance that he’s not annoyed me frequently - which up to now he hasn’t - so I think he can tell I’m a little ticked off and I’m feeling very awkward about even raising the issue.

I realise this sounds silly but it’s really annoyed me. This guy has basically been saying he’s ready do give me the world for the past month and banged on about liking the same places and his general generosity. What would you do? AIBU to expect someone to be more organised and meet my expectations?

If you cancel, he’s dodged a bullet.

Do you really live somewhere with only one nice restaurant?

Are you Katie Price? 😂

I think a lot of the behaviour you describe from him (stating he wants to "treat you like a princess"; insisting booking a restaurant is the "man's role" etc) would he a huge red flag to many of us.

But maybe those are the vibes you give off during your chats and Facetime?

You're high maintenance, and he will have picked that up.
Maybe he's using AI to respond to you in the way that 'princesses' and high maintenance women are supposed to enjoy?ie a macho man, taking control?

can't be, she's just got married again.

😂😂😂😂😂😂

Completely agree. You sound totally up your own backside. Wonder if you come across as such in real life? You also sound very cold.

What happened to meeting someone when you're out? I met DP in a pub- saw each other, chemistry sparked, done deal. And before you say it's not the old days, my best friend met her new partner exactly the same way a year ago.

That's great if you would be able to say sorry it's not going to work, and leave in the middle of a meal.

THATS why the mystery man is messing about now - he can't get back from dubai without making Katie suspicious!

@Brummytobites

you have pet names for each other?? wtf? You haven’t even met each other!

So…You might not like the look of each other in real life, people can look very different to their photos. Or he (or you) might have bad breath or something on the actual date and that gives the other the ick. All I’m saying is that there is such a lot of factors that you can’t predict when you actually meet someone in person that influence whether there is actually any chance in the two of you having any kind of relationship.

The two of you both sound absurd - him for promising to give you the world as a cringey line, you for welcoming it and both of you for wasting hours of your supposedly high-powered time on calls and messaging when you haven't even met. But the great news, is, both of you will have lucky escape if this date never happens.

I think you’ve handled this ridiculously. Holding off on a date for so long, but texting etc just creates a false sense of intimacy.

You still don’t know him from Adam. Nails, new outfits, expensive restaurant is all silly. Too much pressure, too easy to set unrealistic expectations and waste everyone’s time.

I’d run if someone seemed so high maintenance and immature about waiting so many weeks for a date, refusing a simple coffee date etc.

Absolutely this 100%. You cannot get to know someone over text. They and/ or the chemistry (or lack) invariably turn out differently in real life. It’s a complete waste of time.

It’s no more putting yourself in ‘a situation’ than if you’d met someone on a night out and chatted to them while you were in a bar. Or at a bus stop.

You sound way over invested in a ‘first date’ with someone you’ve never even met.

....and he did a sulky baby voice.....

Coming from the one asking if she's a 'Princess' because she's got the 'ick' 😂😂

OP you will get flamed on here for having standards - but I get it. It's not really about the restaurant is it? It's about making a plan, and sticking to it. Instead he's messed up the reservation. And it makes sense that this would be a frustration, given you'd both talked about going there (effectively hyping it up).

On the other hand.. a fancy dinner IS high stakes for a first date. I say let him find a new venue, go on the date. But if he continues to make a mess of plans, shows forgetfulness and a general lack of organisation - don't see him again.

You both sound like you have different expectations and ironically you both sound like hard work

This reads like one of those painful Dhar Mann short videos that pop up on facebook every now and again, you know the ones where subtlety goes to die, everyone learns a "life lesson" and nobody talks like a real human. Waiting for the "So you see.........." ending 🙈

I haven't RTFT, but if you do still want to meet him and you are set on that particular restaurant, just go another day?

But if his messing up the booking, his baby voice etc give you the ick, and with the red flags mentioned, maybe best to close this and move on.

If you do decide to move on, it might be worth, as PPs have mentioned, to think about the time you have invested ending with this result and whether it might be worth approaching it differently next time.

You've done way too much before even meeting!

You know that most catering comes from the same freezer lorries that do the rounds every morning, I take it. 😀

Well, the lack of organisation would annoy me a bit. Not very competent if he can't book a restaurant properly.

Sulky baby voice and pet names before you've met have got to be peak ick.

Because meeting up for coffee is an easy way to gauge someone, do you think the relationship has legs or are you immediately incompatible. If you get on you can go on for lunch or a walk, if you don’t it’s half an hour out of your life. Also a lot cheaper than a fancy dinner, new outfit, nail appointment……..

He did a baby voice? Now I’ve got the ick!! RUN!! 🚩

Let's rewind a bit. He asked for a date. You both agreed a date and time in the future. He then overstepped boundaries by booking for a week you didn't want to do as you considered it too early?
Then instead of booking the week you initially agreed to, he tried to bring it forward again?

So he's overstepped your boundaries at least twice?
Whatever you feel about him being able to rearrange the date successfully at the mutually agreed date, this overstepping of boundaries is enough of a red flag. I think the rest is a red herring.

That's without getting into his assumptions that there will be kissing etc.

I think you should let this one go but also listen to the woman who are saying, quick cuppa first next time to check surface face to face compatibility before the choosing of pet names etc....