First date ick - am I being a princess?

[Brummytobites]

I’ve gotten the ick today and I’m a bit gutted. Speaking to someone new, it’s all been very fast paced as in talking 24/7, emotionally sharing, he’s invited me on a date for the first day we chatted, I’ve held off for what is now just over 4 weeks.

We’re supposed to be going out in our city centre this weekend. Booked the table at a great and very fancy restaurant that we both like a couple of weeks back, kept having to amend the date as he was suggesting seeing me sooner but I’ve held firm on leaving it a few weeks, only to now find he’s messed up the booking and there’s no space available for the day we’d planned. He’s now frantically suggesting various other places but they are much more casual. I’m annoyed. I’d ordered a new - very dressy - outfit. Booked in my nails etc. made a real effort.

I feel bitchy for saying I don’t want to go to any of these places but equally why should I lower my standards? I was looking forward to a weekend dinner and drinks at a lively place. The date place is somewhere I can and do go alone with friends and family so it’s not like I’m relying on a meal ticket, it’s definitely a “destination bar/restaurant” He’s a little bit insecure and seems to be seeking my assurance that he’s not annoyed me frequently - which up to now he hasn’t - so I think he can tell I’m a little ticked off and I’m feeling very awkward about even raising the issue.

I realise this sounds silly but it’s really annoyed me. This guy has basically been saying he’s ready do give me the world for the past month and banged on about liking the same places and his general generosity. What would you do? AIBU to expect someone to be more organised and meet my expectations?

Oh on second thoughts I just caught the repeated face times and the baby voice. No I would not be dating that. And don't feel bad about it, that's on him.

I do think it sounds like he's love bombing you and maybe even fetishising you a bit and I think maybe you just need to be careful of the message you're sending. I still do think that the kind of standard you're setting attracts a certain type of men who tend to be controlling and creepy and that's not what you need in your life when you're doing well.

“Messed up” the reservation, did he? And all his suggestions are more casual/less expensive? And he knows that you’re a high earner and reached out to you claiming to be the same? And you’ve had issues with your partners expecting you to pay for them in the past? AND he’s lovebombing you?

Run a mile, @Brummytobites. He’s sussed you out on social media and is lying through his teeth to get his foot in your door. Block, delete, and move on before you end up paying for him too.

Surely coffee in person in a public place is how you get to know someone? They could be spinning you all sorts of shit by text. Why don't you suggest somewhere else you want to go if you're being so specific about where to eat?

I think coffee as a first time meet is far more sensible than a fancy dinner date. The pair of you might have disliked each other on sight then you’d have to sit through a whole awkward dinner thing.

You asked in yr opening line, Am I a Princess? And then go on to justify your actions regardless of the overwhelming show that 92% think you are, if not a princess, then definitely unreasonable. I agree with the majority vote, and say yes you are.

I’ve read your posts and it’s quite clear that this one isn’t for you. You’re getting a lot of stick but you like what you like and you want what you want, and it’s fine to not pursue something with someone for any reason if you’re not feeling it.

I’d be the total opposite but that doesn’t mean I’m right and you’re wrong.

Agree. How awful to have to sit through a dinner with someone you know is a big mistake. Year’s ago I dipped my toe in OLD but only for coffee. One of them kept staring deep into my eyes telling me he could feel the sexual tension between us. 🤢 A quick cup of coffee and I was able to leave with very little monetary and zero emotional investment, phew.

Too much build-up & test-setting. if you liked him, you'd be dying to see him. You don't, evidently on several fronts, so don't!

If you were genuinely interested in meeting this man, the location wouldn’t matter . I had my first ‘ date ‘ on a Monday night in Wetherspoons , my choice purely because it was close to home and I felt safe there lol

Seems to me as if you are actually demonstrating how difficult it is to get to know someone before meeting them. He wants to give you the world and yet, and yet, can’t even get one booking for dinner for two organised

looks as if you are meeting cold reality

I take it you’re very new to dating op. Because this is a stupid way to do it. Texting creates a false intimacy which can be eradicated in one second when you first meet him. The best way to do it is go on a ‘date 0’. Quick coffee to see if you want to go on date 1. Your way is childish.

You are acting like a spoilt princess. I'd prefer a more relaxed and casual daytime coffee meet, maybe extending into lunch if you're getting on well for a first date especially when you've not met him in person yet. Then you can arrange a more fancy date for another day, if you still like each other of course

I would have the ick from the constant FaceTiming and emotional sharing.

The booking mess up and more casual substitutions would have me thinking scammer.

Your approach to dating is a whole separate issue. Like many others, I can’t understand why you would put off meeting for a month but have intense phone calls and texts. I think you will just end up with the scammers and time wasters if you continue this approach. Genuine people tend to prefer an early meet (you don’t need to think of it as a date, think of it as a vibe check) because that’s how you know if it’s something you want to pursue. So continuing down this path is only going to lead to disappointment.

I do sort of agree on the coffee first point. Me and my husband’s first date was just a few drinks in a city centre bar. I knew we were getting on well when we ordered a portion of chips to share.

The good thing about that setting is that we were free to leave if it was going very badly - a bit harder when you’re tied into a fancy meal.

Not a criticism, just an observation.

marking to see if you do meet him.

Indeed, it is not!!

@Brummytobites knows exactly what she wants, what is wrong with that?

There are far too many women on MN wringing out their hearts and souls trying to understand why their partners/husbands treat them like crap.

Go with your gut. This is important to you and you want to be treated like a princess. He has said he wants to treat you as such and now you feel let down. Unless you can clear this up I don't think you can move on. You decide if you want him to have another chance to meet you by rearranging, but I think I would at least cancel this date. You are already seeing a red flag. It would not be a red flag to ME, but I would be uncomfortabe if treated like a princess, never mind expecting it. But it sounds like it is a red line for you,. You'll have your reasons. If he is put off by that you at least know now rather than in three months that it's not a good fit.

A very important principle when it comes to 'raising your bar' is not wasting four weeks on a man who is all talk and no trouser, because you've staked everything on a 'princess treatment' first date.

You date to be pursued?

Jesus 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

Horses for courses, but I think he's probably had a lucky escape! Waiting weeks before you'll meet someone? Insisting on an expensive first date? So annoyed that he accidentally booked the wrong date that you don't even want to meet him now? You sound like a spoiled brat.

I can see why you wanted to get to know him a bit more and decided to draw out the talking stage but if you’re exchanging messages you’ll never get a real feel of the person in front of you. I know you’re disappointed as you’ve built this first date up to some magical occasion but if you like the guy then go along and meet him at a different venue. It shows you’re versatile and able to prioritise the personal aspect of the meeting, rather than making the venue the main focus.

If I am being honest at answering your title question (having read your responses to loads of posters on here) I do think you come across as a bit of a princess and poor guy has probably dodged a bullet.

The way you are talking about this date would have given me the Ick. YABU.

Yes, complete princess with tiara in situ.

I’m laughing at the assumption that he’s paying for the first date btw 😂😂 I am of course going to offer to pay. He’s the one that’s been insisting it’s the “man’s role” so will refuse, but I’ll have no problem covering the whole bill if I don’t like him.

it’s got worse since I created this thread and I feel like he’s seeking attention as reassurance I’m still going on the date. Overly using pet names, can’t wait to kiss me etc etc. I think I’m going to have to call it a night on messages as it’s going to have a snow ball ick effect and look at it clearly tomorrow.

I did have high hopes but now I feel very deflated

Yes does seem rather suss doesn’t it?!