Husband left his friends who I don’t know alone in our house with our 6 month old

[28loloie]

So I’m not sure if I’m over reacting.

DD is 6 months old, I haven’t left her alone with anyone properly yet, I’ve left her with DH while I go a walk but the longest I’ve been away from her until yesterday was maybe an hour.

Yesterday I went to brunch without DD for a few hours, it was my friends birthday and I really wanted to go. DH said he would have DD and invited a few of his friends who I don’t know super well (they live in the city so we don’t meet them often) to keep him company.

I got back yesterday afternoon, his friends were still there. I asked how everything had gone and DH told me he had to nip out for an hour as his little sister needed dropped to A&E, so he left DD with his friends. Apparently she was fine. 1 of his friends is female, 2 were male. He reckons he was gone for just over an hour and his friends said that they gave her a bottle but other than that she was happy just getting cuddled.

We have never left DD with someone who wasn’t me or DH before. I always figured our parents would be the first people we left DD with. I don’t know these friends and while I’m sure it was fine, I can’t feel certain that they are good people. DH thinks I’m over reacting, she was perfectly safe. I feel he made a unilateral decision which could have been easily avoided if he just took DD with him.

AIBU to feel he shouldn’t have done this.

I think it's normal to feel a bit funny about this as you leaving her is a new thing. That is always going to be a thing you have to get used to emotionally, and it will feel funny at first.

But I just see the situation as the unexpected happened, he reacted, helped his sister and made sure the baby was looked after. Assuming these are decent people - and there's no suggestion they aren't - then that's fine. This situation isn't about providing perfect early years education like in a nursery, it's about keeping the baby safe and entertained for an hour while a parent deals with the unexpected.

You have no idea what would have awaited him at A+E, sometimes you cant just 'drop off' near to where you want, no doubt his sister needed physcal support to move around and their mum might not have been able to manage that on her own, your daughter did not need to be disrupted and unsettled to the degree that shes dragged out, bundled up, dad then has to try to manage her while supporting sister.

You cant just make assumptions about how the drop off would have been, he was aboslutely right to leave your daughter in safe care.

How long would it have taen you to get home?

I never had a child... until I had a child. A 6mo needs watching. There was 3 adults present for an hour..bloody hell

Gosh quite the tangent, my issue isn’t that he had friends over or that he helped his mum, it’s that he left DD with friends I don’t know, the first time I properly left her.

His mum did call an ambulance but was told there would be a long wait, his mum isn’t particularly well off and we live in a village the hospital isn’t super close, his mum probably couldn’t afford a taxi as January is a long month and she likely only has what she needs to see pay day left.

I don’t mind that he had his friends over, why would I? I have friends over but I wouldn’t leave DD with them without consulting DH. I don’t speak the same language as these friends (DH grew up speaking two languages, I’ve learned one of them but not the one his friends speak), so while they do speak English they prefer talking native language when together and that’s obviously easier if I’m not there, if I was they’d speak English and enjoy it less.

My issue isn’t either of these things.

You’d have been happy to have a child wait in a lot of pain whilst you came back?

It’s more your outrage that he dared to have his friends over. That pile of shite undermines every other point that you make on this thread because it shows your clear agenda. Not to be taken seriously.

Oh yes he can. But not about leaving a baby and f* off when it’s not actually that necessary (he had at least 3 options other than leaving OP in the dark).

Why did his mom not call an UBer if her daughter was in such agony? It would have been faster than waiting for the husband to drive over, no?

Agree with this. Its his baby too. Most people manage just fine to leave baby for the first time. Its not such a big deal

It’s not about you. It’s really not. He did the right thing.

I think YABU a little bit. I can understand if you’ve not left your baby often this probably feels like more of a big deal. However, ultimately your DH made a judgment call in an emergency situation, I think you both need to be able to trust your partner in that scenario, even if you might have made a different call.

Your baby is safe, nothing went wrong.

This is crazy, babies are well known for needing known faces around be it a parent, grandparent or whatever, to leave her with strangers was stupid. She could easily have been unsettled. Add into that the op obviously has issues about leaving her that the dh would of course be aware of it would seem an unpleasant thing to do knowing she'd hate it.

If there's a next time tell him to stick the baby in the car seat while he taxis people or I don't know, ring you and see if you want to come home?

Read the update duck

And? He could have paid for a taxi if money was a problem. You know you can actually call a taxi for someone else? It really wasn’t that necessary for him to drop everything without telling his wife.

Agreeing with pp that in general the husband’s judgement should be trusted.

However, going to A&E you never know how long it will take to be seen so I’d personally rather bring my baby with me. Might have added some time to get ready and I assume he didn’t know how serious trouble the sister was in at the time.

I‘ve done too many safeguarding training sessions to be fully okay with the situation, but they where three unrelated adults which tends to help from a safety perspective (compared to just a family/couple or one lone individual).

Yes she’ll be deeply disturbed by being left for an hour at 6 months old.

The reality is that she probably had such a fuss made of her that she will have been delighted with life.

But no. Let’s leave the 11 year old in agony lest the six month old have to face such a traumatic event as being left with nice people for an hour.

Which is why he didn't ring you, he didn't need you to come home, didn't need you to make the decision for him, or give him permission, and didn't want to be the one responsible for you cutting your outing short for no reason.

His sister has fell off her bike, had broken bones and was no doubt in a lot of pain, your only options to give him would have been:

Have a discussion with you, maybe even an argument if he didn't agree.

Make him take baby, so spend longer prepping to take baby with him, knowing full well if she needed attention while he was driving that he couldn't give it to her?

or wait for you to get home before he could leave?

None of the above is reasonable IMO, and all would have delayed getting treatment for his sister, he made an informed decision, the friends were fine, baby was fine, sister made it to A&E to get treatment promptly, and you had a nice time out oblivious. If it wasn't an emergency I could see your point, but he handled that really well IMO and you need to appreciate he made the best decision by baby, his sister, AND by you.

So the OP tells him what to do next time and he can’t make an autonomous decision about his own child?

No wonder there are so many useless men around when women treat them like they can’t make basic decisions about their family. The baby was fine with these trusted friends. There was no problem.

Gosh stop, there is no issue him helping his mum and sister this tangent is so unhelpful.

This might be crazy to you, but we are not well off, spending money on a taxi isn’t easy for us, or his mum. We scrapped money for my brunch with friends. Stop assuming everyone has lots of free money, especially in a month like January.

If I had to go collect someone and drop them off somewhere, I wouldn’t leave my 6 month old with my friends. I’d take her with me! It’s weird to just leave your child with other people instead of just putting them in the car to go on an errand. The friends could have then hung out and had a relaxing drink and waited for me to return.

Leaving a baby with someone other than a parent is a very big deal. This wasn’t really an emergency in the sense that there were not simple work-arounds. The husband could have sent a friend to play chauffeur . He could have called a taxi. There was no real reason he needed to go himself.

Exactly, so he prioritised his sister over his baby and his wife.

I think you're being unfair to him to be honest. These are friends he's known his whole life and he felt comfortable leaving the baby with them for a short time. He's the baby's father, surely you should trust his judgement?

I agree. She’d have had a better time being fussed over by friends then in a car for an hour, half of that with an upset child.