To wish I didn’t work

[Iwishididntwork]

I only actually work two days a week at the moment but in some ways that makes it harder because I’m not in work enough to feel a proper part of things but also have a tendency to be treated like a SAHM at home.

I just wish I didn’t work (but that my child still attended nursery for a couple of days …) I have this whole fantasy Monday of dropping children at school / nursery and then going to the gym, going a food shop, getting the house clean and tidy, ready for the week ahead.

I don’t massively enjoy my job which I think doesn’t help (I think there’s an element of having been doing it too long but I am stuck as I earn too much to do anything else!(

Many MNetters seem fulfilled by their jobs. Am I the only lazy arse out there?

Yeh sorry but YABU . Only working 2 days a week ? Fgs. I’m on mat leave with my second and while I’m enjoying it I’m looking forward to getting back to work 4 days a week. I like being independent and chatting with other adults and having a life aside from being a mother. I don’t expect other people to fork out for my lifestyle , it was my decision to have kids and as far as I’m concerned it’s mine and my husbands job to fork out for them both not anyone elses. Like what do you actually want ? To just not work and get stuff handed to you because you decided to be a parent ? Sorry if that sounds harsh.

I do really enjoy the time I have with her; I think I just feel it is quite intense at the moment, especially as for the most part she has stopped napping so I don’t even get a (much needed!) break in the day!

It doesn’t sound harsh, it’s not really linked to my post though. As I’m clearly not really talking realistically! So not ‘expecting’ anything.

A few things stood out for me from your posts-
You don't like your job
You find parenting your toddler 'joyless'
You have to ask your DH for money
You are still breastfeeding a 2.5 yr old at 3am and are exhausted (sorry if I got this wrong)

Job- could you retrain at all? Is there anything you might be interested in? Could be a long term plan? Maybe a few sessions with a coach would be helpful.

Joyless parenting- could you be depressed? Have seasonal affective disorder? Would a visit to the GP be a good idea? Or it could just be that you don't enjoy this stage- that is allowed! But what could you do to help pass the time? More baby groups? Gym with a creche? Cheap local playgroup to stick toddler for 2 hrs?

Asking DH for money- what's with that?? Do you have a joint account? Enough money to get a coffee out with friends? Is he financially abusive? It's not uncommon.

Breastfeeding the toddler- also allowed! But you are also allowed to night wean at this age if night feeds are making you tired and miserable (or stop if you want to). There are lots of different night-weaning methods to suit every parenting style. Lack of sleep and constant night wakings can be soul destroying.

What’s your point though ? I suppose maybe you should look at a more fulfilling job if you want to while the hours away at the gym or preparing dinners .

@Twobigbabies thats a really selective and to be honest negative reading of what’s just a bit of a Sunday night whinge (it was Sunday when I started it!) and no - I’m definitely not breastfeeding my two and a half year old!

I don’t massively enjoy my job but I do explain that a large part of that is because I’m not really there enough to enjoy it. Also, do bear in mind I’m an older mum: I’m nearly 46, I’ve been in my job for nearly quarter of a century and the novelty has well and truly worn off 😂

I absolutely do enjoy parenting my toddler; we have a lot of fun together and I love her to bits but equally I am longing for a little time for me as well, and that doesn’t happen between parenting her and work. That isn’t wrong.

As I’ve said with DH, he is fine, he is mostly decent man but he does sometimes get in a flap about money and then starts being quite critical (in a ‘jokey’ way) and to be fair when I call him on it he backs off. It’s just sometimes finding that moment.

@TheIceBear it isn’t a point 🤷‍♀️ it was a Sunday night fantasy but since you’ve asked I would far rather while the hours away at the gym or a spa than a more fulfilling job!

@Iwishididntwork if you have never had a more fulfilling job how do you actually know this ? Look for something else. I think colleagues make all the difference not even the actual job itself sometimes. If you have colleagues you get along well with it makes all the difference

look for something else

@TheIceBear my job used to be fulfilling. I’ve just done it for too long.

But - I can’t just ‘look for something else.’ I earn too much, for starters. For another, I have two very young children. I need part time at the moment and very specific part time with regard to particular days. Possibly in the distant future I may, but right now it is not possible.

I’m more comfortable when I’m working and am not the type of mum like getting nostalgic over time when my DD was a newborn or small toddler. I have a SEN child who is the world however reality is no family support and paid daycare only. It was hard handling those early years mainly alone (DH worked full-time and helped but it really fell on my as the mum to give so much up).

I opted to return to work full-time earlier than I planned. Just worked for me personally and my DH was supportive whether I wanted to continue part-time or not.

I like the balance of full-time work and then spending time as a family outside of that. I’m not fulfilled by my job in a deep way but I have flexible working arrangements which is the best part of it.

For time off to enjoy that experience of having a day to myself, I book annual leave or take a half-day.

I think you’re getting a rough time OP. Unless someone has been a teacher, I don’t think they get it. I was a teacher, but now a SAHM; I have lots of friends juggling teaching and parenting and it is really hard.

Why can't you work FT? Then you will feel more 'part of things' and have more money. And on a teacher's salary plus whatever your DH does you will be able to to afford the childcare

I don’t want to but even if I did want to, I couldn’t. I have an older school age child and wraparound isn’t very good.

Sounds like you have a DH problem!

I think alot of people rationalise their difficulties as societal or a direct result of matters beyond their control, when actually the problem is staring them in the face.

Your money should be shared as a family. There should be no need to ask for money.

And not all domestic work should fall to you even if you are a SAHM!

I work 45-50hrs a week term time, and 25hrs over the holidays.

I also have a severely disabled 9 year old who isn’t toilet trained, throws things round the house, and who has severe sleep issues. One night last week he slept 9pm - 1am. That was it.

So either one of us is unreasonable, or we have very different attitudes to our jobs/work-life balance.

I don’t think there is a ‘should’, just what you’re happy with and what works for you. I’ve never been particularly fond of the MN tendency to tell me how my life and money should be organised - I can decide that for myself.

I think the grass is always greener. I’m a carer for my disabled son. Single cuz partner fucked off as soon as the reality of the situation was confirmed. I don’t have to work as rely on UC. I was going mad at home and fretting for my future financially so went back part time. Now I’m drowning and struggling to keep minimum standard in every area parenting and work. Constantly have UTI, headaches, unwell. Now I want to stop work and just accept I will be nothing but a lonely isolated carer till I’m too old to do it then poor in old age as I gave up my chance to build a pension. If I don’t stop too I will burn out and die well before old age most like. I will still daydreaming about working if i quit though because neither choice is fully what I want

I don’t really understand the last part of your post, to be honest. It sounds really difficult and I’m sorry for that.

I have two young children as well including a 6 month old. Yet I still don’t really get your point.

I dunno I mean try being a nurse and doing 13 hour shifts with no break plus night duty. None of us have it that easy but unfortunately that’s the way life is. I respect teachers and the work that they do but I don’t really agree with your statement.

How can you not understand need part time at the moment and very specific part time with regard to particular days?

I wish I could work whatever days I wanted as well it would make my life easier. But I’m employed to work and that’s just the way it is. If it was impossible for me to do the hours I do I would look for alternative employment. I don’t understand someone complaining that they “earn too much “. I mean at the end of the day it’s only two days. You have 5 days a week to spent time on other fulfilling activities?

I’m not complaining 😂 it was an explanation as to why blithely ‘getting another job’ as suggested isn’t practical.

To be honest, it does feel like you just want an argument and I don’t know why. I work two days a week; in a fantasy world, I wouldn’t work at all and every now and again I like to indulge in this fantasy.

If that’s really unreasonable then so I am! But in the real world, I work around my childcare commitments and it’s fine. I’d just prefer not to 👍🏻

I find some of this post hilarious. Does your OH feel this way? I mean you don’t want to work for me time? I wonder how your husband feels earning all the money and not having this choice.

No, I don’t work because I have to. I work because I want to. I like contributing and earning my own money (we share everything) . I like showing my children that a strong Independant woman can be successful and it isn’t just a man that goes to work:

I took some time off work and hated it. Spending my life having coffee, going to the gym and cleaning the house isn’t how I wanted to define myself so maybe every woman is different.

@Iwishididntwork im not arguing just for the sake of it . It’s just that for most people 2 days of work per week is beyond the dream. It just seems lazy to me to be complaining about that. Sorry if that offends you .

In some ways it is, but I’d still prefer not to have to do it at all!