To wish I didn’t work

[Iwishididntwork]

I only actually work two days a week at the moment but in some ways that makes it harder because I’m not in work enough to feel a proper part of things but also have a tendency to be treated like a SAHM at home.

I just wish I didn’t work (but that my child still attended nursery for a couple of days …) I have this whole fantasy Monday of dropping children at school / nursery and then going to the gym, going a food shop, getting the house clean and tidy, ready for the week ahead.

I don’t massively enjoy my job which I think doesn’t help (I think there’s an element of having been doing it too long but I am stuck as I earn too much to do anything else!(

Many MNetters seem fulfilled by their jobs. Am I the only lazy arse out there?

Not lazy at all. I do get to do this but also have a business so I do work but not alot as I have others doing it for me most of the time. If you need to work (for the money) maybe think of a business you can own but barely go to. It’s the dream 😂

I’d love to stay two days when my youngest child is at school but I don’t think finances will allow for it. Most likely I’ll do three or four spread over four or five 😩

My youngest started school in September but I still have Monday and Friday off. It’s heaven and I won’t work more days unless I have to for whatever reason. I did 8 years of having no time to myself so I feel like I earned it! You’ll get there too

What do you do?

I have 3 after school clubs, one drama, one art and one homework. But other people run them for me (actually on site) but I do all the boring admin/accounts/compliance etc. I’m not qualified to run any of them but the managers are and if they’re short I go in and help.

Not at all, I work 3 days and have a 3 year old, and it's bloody hard work, and yes I also feel pulled in all directions.

As per another - if I won the lottery I would quit work.

PS seen your update that your husband expects you to provide FT money - that's not on, if you are working part-time and doing more childcare/housework, all money should be joint money!!! and we all know nursery isn't bloody cheap, so if you worked more hours at this stage if would cost you more in childcare!

How did you get/start them? Do you hire out a space?

Well, bluntly, OP, given the sound of your marriage, I’d be upping my work hours, if anything.

Yeah 3 separate spaces, semi locally. Start with Ofsted process while the job adverts are out. There’s very little provision for good wrap around care so that helps with my marketing. We may struggle if the government does ever decide to follow through with the free after school clubs in schools but we’re fully booked to 48 kids in each one, Mon - Fri.

Need a childcare level 3 qualified manager, 8 children per adult, Ofsted registered etc. It took about 4 months to get it all set up and ready to go, that bit was hard work but worth it.

But how do you afford to rent the three spaces?

Many MNetters seem fulfilled by their jobs. Am I the only lazy arse out there?

It's not as binary as that. The majority of people have to work, so they try to find the most fulfilling job they can. That doesn't mean they wouldn't give up work if they had the opportunity. Some people genuinely love their jobs, of course, but I think most of us just try to make the best of having to earn our living.

I work exactly so that I don’t have to do all the repetitive tasks that come with being at home.

Totally understand. I wish I didn't have to work. I really don't understand those people who love their job, but guess everyone is different.

Hey? with the money I make from the businesses. Not sure if that’s a trick question because it’s quite an obvious answer

@Iwishididntwork for reference I worked part-time when DS was a baby for 11 months. Three days a week. I had a big job then and found both the losing the edge of strategy and the sheer exhaustion of dropping at nursery, getting the tube, dashing back absolutely awful. I gave up, principally because ds was always sick but it was awful.

When dd was settled in reception I switched careers, going back on the very bottom rung and for peanuts, but the job was school hours and there was no childcare to pay. I did it for two years and have never workwd harder in my life. Dash to school, dash to work, dash home for 2.50 and get the laundry in, hung, dishwasher, tidy, whizz to school for 3.35 then roll into cubs, rainbows, swimming, ballet, tennis, teas, etc. Dinner on the table at 6.30ish, reading, kumon, bed. It's absolutely exhausting to do a good job at work and do everything at home on top. Mind numbingly exhausting and busy.

After two years, I was promoted two grades up but had to go full-time. That meant an au-pair and more sub-contracting. After that was paid for I had exactly the same money left as part-time but two grades lower. Work sponsored my professional qualifications because I was full-time and shifted into that trajectory.

I always took the DC to school but the au-pair collected and did all the after school stuff and gave them tea. I got home to them fed, the laundry done, the dishwasher done and a tidy house. Also, I took a full lunch break a couple of times a week and used it for buying the endless party presents/admin, etc..

there was a two year grind of college on a wednesday night and getting up at 5am to do the course work, but it was worth it

I have just reduced my days to three aged 65 and it's a good balance with grown up children and I am more productive at work because I'm less tired. It didn't work with lottlies and earlier career.

Good luck. However, sort your husband out. You cannot make the same contribution from part-time money. Spreadsheet time and he has to understand that some of the childcare costs are his costs too.

Your problem is not your job or your children - its your DH.

It is really tough cracking through these years with work and small children but its near impossible when you are not working as a team. If your DH wants this marriage to survive you need to have that conversation about working together and pooling resources, not him expecting you to be the default SAHM whilst also contributing equally financially. You cannot do that without a full staff at home or him pulling his weight.

This needs addressing now - either he appreciates your home efforts and values them or he doesn’t. Why would you be with someone who doesn’t value you and your contributions?

Bear in mind also your DC are growing up seeing a relationship modelled where one partner bears the bulk of the work and is unhappy as a consequence. Do you want your DD or future DiL to live like this? If not you need to show them something different.

Another lazy one here 🤣 I do 3 days a week and i am so grateful for that but man I wish I could stop working now. I’m dreading the day I will have to go back to full time. I do dislike my job though so that doesn’t help.

I’d also love to leave my job OP!

I worry that if I took a few years off with DC (we could swing it financially), I’d struggle to get back into a job anywhere near as good as my current one (flexible, part time, low stress, etc etc). Sigh.

ETA: definitely have a chat with your DH about finances - doesn’t sound fair at the moment.

You made my smile. :)

It’s no difference once they’re in school tbh. My whole life is work or parenting. It’s exhausting.

I worked from age 16 to 59. I had six weeks off for maternity leave.

I wished everyday I didn't have to work. But if I didn't work, I'd have no home, no food and what was worse, neither would my child.

I'm not going to tell you that working like that is good for your moral fibre, because it fucking isnt.

but it pays the bills. When I retired, 15 years ago, my overwhelming feeling was "I've waited all these years to do bugger all" . It's as great as I thought it would be. But at least I got to retire on a good pension which gave me the ability to enjoy doing just what I wanted.

Me too. We’re always fantasising about retirement but we’ve got at least 12 years until we can take it early 😢

I didn't enjoy "every moment with my kids" as a working lone parent. It has been 90% awful for a decade.

You just literally have to hang in there by the skin of your teeth. I accepted it would always be stressful. Good luck with your husband, sounds like he needs to up his game.

You do get a few hours to yourself in the day though? Unless you work FT. At the moment even one uninterrupted period of six hours would be bliss.

DH isn’t a bad man but he can get stressed and snipe at me: generally I call him on it and he stops and then it slowly starts creeping in. At the moment it’s creeping in a tiny little bit. I will call him on it and it will stop, for now.

I also have that fantasy ! I picture having time in the middle of the day to go to spas and the gym, get on top of all the unfinished jobs in my life, have coffee with my friends, who obviously also don't work in this fantasy.

I think it's really hard to enjoy any of the aspects of your life when you're completely shattered and have no personal space.

I really love the time I have with my toddler, I work part-time, I am not looking forward to her going to school. I love the pre-school years.

But when I am really tired and struggling I don't enjoy it, and I get upset with myself for not enjoying it. In those moments I don't wish the time away, I wish I had the energy to enjoy it whilst it's still here.

My job is ok. I used to enjoy it when I had more time and energy for it. I'd absolutely love to not need to work, there are a thousand fulfilling things I can think of to do that don't involve work.

I'm off to play the lottery so I can keep dreaming.