To not understand why this is an issue

[lunx]

A group of friends are going on a hen do in a few months and the person who has arranged it has found a hotel for £75 a person per night. Someone in the group suggested an apartment as an alternative option as it works out cheaper per person per night at £35 each. But this idea was dismissed. Anyway the person who suggested the apartment asked a few of us what we wanted and several preferred the cheaper option. Especially taking into consideration the cost of travel, night out, new outfit and activities during the day. Now the person who wanted to stay in the £75 a night hotel and others who also wanted to stay there have gone mad at the others who wanted a cheaper alternative. Saying it’s selfish of them because now the others will have to pay more for the hotel and we should all be staying at the same accommodation even though the two accommodations are a short walking walking distance away. I personally don’t see an issue with this as we are still travelling together and spending the day/night together. We are just not sleeping in the same accommodation. Now it’s so awkward in the group. I just don’t understand the issue. Just wanted other’s opinions?

Why would the others have to pay more, surely it's still £75 a night?

However, I do think YABU, it changes the dynamics when everyone stays different places, if it was 2 hotels not so much, but one hotel and one apartment is very different

Edited to say especially for a hen do! Usually the bridesmaids organise it all and people either pay to attend or not, organising a separate accomodation yourselves away from the bride to be is very odd

I can see why the organiser is pissed off.

She made the arrangements and got the prices based on everyone being in the same place.

It also splits the party into two and does change the dynamics of the event.

Imo you go and pay for what's organised or don't go at all, you don't agree then start changing things for half of the party.

Sounds a bit mad. Is the organiser a bit controlling? Perhaps she thought it’d be nicer if you were all together. I suppose if it does bump up the overall cost for the others then it could be seen as a bit selfish but if £35 a night makes it work for some then I’d acquiesce to those that could only afford the lower price. I’d rather us all be together and if that meant changing accommodation then so be it. How come it bumps up the hotel price though? Surely it’s booked per room?
edited to add: if the hotel was booked and agreed already then there was a change of heart then the £35 people are being unreasonable

They will be sharing rooms, so the £75 will be worked out by the rooms cost/number of people.
If less people are staying there, the cost for everyone who is will go up.
On my hen night, there were 8 of us there, in 2 rooms sleeping 4. If 2 people decided they were going elsewhere, the rest would need to pay more to cover the room cost.

I'd agree it's not fair for the second group to have gone rogue against the plans without considering things like this

tbh it wasn't handled brilliantly - if 75 is too much the best thing is to say "oh, too expensive i'm not going then"

What does bride-to-be say?

ETA: forgot to say. My answer slightly changes depending on how and when the price was agreed. If group 2 agreed then let it be booked and THEN renaged? bollocks to that.
If the organiser just said "i've booked it's 75 quid" and that's the first time they knew? meh to the organiser.

Pre cursor to a complete bitchfest.

It changes dynamics as others have said.

Surely an apartment is a better option irrespective of the cost? Apartments usually have a communal area where you can all gather together whereas you'll all be in separate bedrooms in a hotel. Apartments are much better suited to a hen do. Having said that, I suppose if I'd spent ages looking for a hotel and then someone changed my plan, I'd be annoyed (although I'd back down and agree the apartment is a better plan whilst quietly seething about my wasted time).

I'd agree it's not fair for the second group to have gone rogue against the plans without considering things like this

They haven't 'gone rogue' as they never agreed to the £75 pn hotel rooms. They've said it's too expensive and suggested an alternative. The people who want to stay in the hotel don't have a right to pay £75 pn when this is dependent on the people who want to stay in the apartment at £35 pn also paying more than twice as much as the accommodation they've found.

Surely it's better for everyone to be together and to be able to afford to go, so I don't see why they can't just stay in an apartment which, like a PP says, is a better option anyway as you have a communal space for everyone to be together.

Who could possibly have imagined that ditching the plan and forming an alternative sub group would cause problems on a Hen Party????

Tell them it’s selfish of them to want everyone else to do what they say when they know people can’t afford it.

The bride isn’t aware of anything. She’s knows she has an hen do but no other details. there wasn’t really a discussion about what our budget was. Just this is the hotel send me the money and i’ll book. And anyone who suggested anything else instantly got dismissed. There’s people going home because they can’t afford to stay over and then a group who have found cheaper accommodation. But the group going home are saying the group finding cheaper accommodation are being selfish and not thinking of the bride. I just don’t understand it myself.

If this is all going on at the pre-booking stage then yes, it's fine to want/request the perfectly reasonable cheaper alternative.

Why are the hotel people so dead set on a hotel?

But the group going home are saying the group finding cheaper accommodation are being selfish and not thinking of the bride. I just don’t understand it myself.

could they be a bit miffed because while 75 was too much, 35 would have been ok?

🧐 what?

The going home people are saying the cheaper people are being selfish?

This is why I turn down all invites to hen dos. A large group of women, many of which dont know everyone else, trying to organise something that will please everyone is just a recipe for disaster. It inevitably ends up as a bit of a bitch fest with different groups moaning about different aspects of it. No thanks. Turning up for the wedding is my limit these days after years of this kind of nonsense.

If nothings booked they could change their mind and jump in with the apartment people?

@Laistebecause the hotel has a jacuzzi bathtub. But there’s four people per room. So we wouldn’t really get chance to utilise this because we are not there to ‘relax’. We are going to a really fast paced city so will hardly even be at the hotel and only going for a night.

The person booking the hotel ignored concerns about cost but is now pissed off that the people who said they couldn't afford the hotel won't subsidise her stay there?

Someone is being selfish and it's not the people trying to find a way to make it work within their budget.

Just stick a poll in the group chat and whichever option wins the most votes is what you go with!

Jacuzzi bath tubs are shit anyway. People think they’re getting a hot tub.
the apartment sounds way more suitable for a group night away. In a hotel you’re separated anyway

So stay in the apartment and the people who want to sit in a jacuzzi book a spa session with the £40 pn saved.

£75 is peanuts for a hen do. If you cannot afford it then decline.

4 people sharing a room with presumably one bathroom with toilet? No thank-you!

Were is the bride staying? Did she get the option of the cheaper place? Or if you are all paying for her, are the budget people still willing to pay for her in the hotel?

I think organiser should have listened more to people’s budgets, but it absolutely changed the dynamic having a group break off and make their own plan instead. Especially now people are falling out about it, this is going to be a bit shit for the bride.

What are they going to do, take turns? If the accommodation is only really to sleep are they really going to be spending enough time in the room for four people to have a relaxing soak in a jacuzzi bathtub?