To not understand why this is an issue

[lunx]

A group of friends are going on a hen do in a few months and the person who has arranged it has found a hotel for £75 a person per night. Someone in the group suggested an apartment as an alternative option as it works out cheaper per person per night at £35 each. But this idea was dismissed. Anyway the person who suggested the apartment asked a few of us what we wanted and several preferred the cheaper option. Especially taking into consideration the cost of travel, night out, new outfit and activities during the day. Now the person who wanted to stay in the £75 a night hotel and others who also wanted to stay there have gone mad at the others who wanted a cheaper alternative. Saying it’s selfish of them because now the others will have to pay more for the hotel and we should all be staying at the same accommodation even though the two accommodations are a short walking walking distance away. I personally don’t see an issue with this as we are still travelling together and spending the day/night together. We are just not sleeping in the same accommodation. Now it’s so awkward in the group. I just don’t understand the issue. Just wanted other’s opinions?

Oh crikey, not the proper hen do. Changes the scenario entirely!
The bride will be mortified. Surely it just needs to be a celebratory night out?

A separate hen do just for work friends? Weird and unnecessary.
You’re either her friends and you get invited on the hen do, or you’re not friends and you don’t.
You don’t organise your own alternative hen! At most you might go for a cheap and cheerful meal after work a few weeks before the wedding.

And sharing beds, life drawing and strippers with your colleagues sounds horrendous!

I really think £75 to have to share a bed with someone, and 4 to a room is steep for a hotel actually - that’s £300 a night!
I’d pay that for a nice weekend away with my husband or maybe my best friend - but not a bunch of colleagues!

The organiser doesn’t do much outside of work. It’s just her and her partner, she has no children. And she doesn’t really have that much of a relationship with the bride to be. They don’t talk outside of work. I do think she booked everything based on what she wants and so that she has something to look forward to! She openly said she doesn’t do much outside of work so maybe that’s why she’s feeling defensive. Because she’s goneout her way in her personal time to arrange something and people have gone against it. She hasn’t gone with the majority vote. Because she’s ‘organised it’ we kinda of felt obligated to go with her suggestion and then someone else has suggested something more appealing to some of us and now it’s gone tits up!

This is why I never had a hen's do.

OMG, work friends organising a stripper. What could possibly go wrong?

This needs to be reframed as a works night out. I’d be speaking to the bride to be to pin down what she wants. The silly surprises may fill her with horror. A new friend hijacked organising my hen and I hated some elements.

The whole thing sounds like an absolute expensive nightmare. I literally couldn't think of anything worse to attend or to be the bride-to-be at. 😂

Having said that, surely you stay where you can afford and feel comfortable staying. It doesn't matter where you stay as the whole point of it is going out.

The organiser sounds like a PITA that doesn’t have friends from what you have written so this is all about her experiencing a friendship group that’s trapped because they are workmates. I have workmates that became friends this is different and all enforced on her terms.

I just saw the stripper bit well easy for me as I would refuse to go because of that alone, it’s vile.

I would drop out and just go to the wedding, there will be grumbling from both sides and it won't be a fun relaxed break.

I would drop out of staying anywhere, and just go for the meal. Use some of the money saved on accommodation for a taxi home.

There's absolutely no way I would be paying £75 to share a bed with a work friend, in a room with 2 other work friends in another double bed. Why the organiser ever thought that was a good plan is beyond me. Because there's a jacuzzi bath tub?! Maybe you're all supposed to get in that at the same time too ...
And where is the stripper meant to be performing?! That is tacky as hell. And might not be allowed in some places.

It sounds silly and unnecessary.

Spend the money on a gift for the couple, or add more cash to their card.

£75 for a half share of a bed in a two bedded room. Or £35 for my own bed.

yeah, I can see their point

Because there's a jacuzzi bath tub?! Maybe you're all supposed to get in that at the same time too ...

😂😂😂

I don't share rooms with friends when I go away let alone beds with work colleagues!

I know, sounds horrific!!

Given the updates and that you are all colleagues and not personal friends of the bride, I think this puts a slightly different slant on things.

If it had been a close friend/relative of BTB then I think everyone should really have sucked up the original plan and not formed subgroups.

However, you are all colleagues, which puts you all on an even footing. So I think if it's still something everyone wants to do then you should restart the whole plan with a group vote. Current organiser has no first dibs in this situation.

And yep, jacuzzi bathtubs are crap.
It's a normal bath that just shoots a few water streams at you from the side.
Nothing like a hot tub.

Everything about this sounds awful but the bed sharing, the stripper, the weird justification of a jacuzzi bath and the fact you're all colleagues is just a hellscape.

Stop it in its tracks now and arrange a nice dinner and drinks somewhere after work.

Sorry but i do kind of agree with this. I don't think there was any malice but I don't think it was the right thing to do.

I couldnt be bothered with this penny pinching. £75 a night isnt that expensive for a hotel. Just read 4 people per room in a hotel. Its mad. Back to the drawing board.

Is the jacuzzi for the stripper?

Wait it's not even the real hendo?! That's a real dripfeed and changes everything... For goodness sake just have a fuddle at work or go for a meal after work. Why does it have to turn into such a palava?! Has anyone even asked bride what she wants?

Sorry not to be a miserable sod but no way would I want to spend loads of money and share bedrooms with people I work with and am not really even friends with. Ewww!

Shared rooms?
Shared beds?
Stripper?
With WORK COLLEAGUES 😱

Fuck that for a game of soldiers.

I agree with this! Apart from anything else I have 2 sleep disorders and use a CPAP machine and a fan or I just don't sleep. But it would be disturbing anyone else in the room, when they are not used to it!

If it’s just a works hen I would step in and tell the bride. This sounds a disaster. It should literally be a meal out or a spa day. Overnight would be so uncomfortable. A stripper may even be considered sexual harassment in the workplace for gods sake

Absolutely. A whole different ball game now we've got the updates!

@lunx Your colleague organising this is going WAY OTT for a night out for a colleague! WAAAYYY OTT!

You all need to tell her that a nice night out is all that is required. Somewhere local if possible and folks can go home afterwards, or if you need to travel somewhere, get taxis home or those who want to can book their own accommodation for staying overnight.

Please also be aware that a taxi home may not cost as much as you think. We went to a do 30 miles away on Hogmanay/New year's eve. Planned to stay overnight in a hotel. Then realised that the cost of the fixed rate pre booked taxi was LESS than the hotel, even although it was premium prices because it was Hogmany and our pick up was 1am (and we are in Scotland).

I'll bet the bride won't want this at all! She's having a proper hen do with her friends!

EDITED to add - and we had a very basic, but acceptable, hotel room originally booked, so not an expensive room