To ask how you would start a new life?

[Notsowiseoldowl]

DD15 and I (48) need a new start somewhere. I'm so bogged down by how we got here, I'm struggling to be inspired or think of anything I want to do in life. Clearly, I need to pull myself together and find a new path.

So, you have £250k capital, and around £25K independent income annually, what would you do? Anything, anywhere - you have no geographical ties, no house, no family, friends or significant relationships, no career, no school, no significant hobbies, skills or passions. Reasonable physical health, neither of us in a great place mentally or emotionally (but nothing drastic - we are resilient and will be OK).

Be as specific as you like. Wild fantasies and safe choices welcome! (I'm trying to hard feel it's an amazing opportunity, but my future feels like a big, scary blank and I have nothing to orient by or rally around!)

@wandawaves

I’m sorry. I know can be very frustrating. I have spent literal years thinking about this. So the likelihood is I will have thought of or tried many first line things. We are very different, and although I understand that, I don’t expect others to. I don’t want people to feel that I don’t appreciate their time or advice, but there are some very real reasons (I think) why it feels unrelatable to us. That doesn’t make it invalid advice and it doesn’t make us wrong. It does leave me with a tenancy to overexplain and I know that can seem like stubbornness or a very princess mindset. Or just tiresome. I don’t know how to bridge that gap. It’s a very common problem for ND people.

I purposefully asked for a wide range responses with no limits because that’s how you find solutions you can’t think of yourself. The really great thing about being different, is the most random thing can start you off on the right path. And the smallest thing can make things feel impossible that seem easy to others.

It’s so helpful to have even a discussion about this. It would be VERY uncomfortable in person, and I hope people feel free to bail if it’s too much.

echoing a pp in saying you write beautifully.

I’m not in your position but I can relate to a lot of what you are saying. We are new to online schooling this year and it is better for my DC on the whole. The social side needs fixing but I guess that’s part of what you are looking for. I’m not in a position to move but I do frequently ponder where I’d go and why - and I know what you mean. I know I need pillars to build a life around but I have literally no idea what they would be.

@RueLepic I’m curious as to where you live - you’ve sold it well!

Alll those pictures saying move to Canada, France, Norway etc - do you realise you can’t just do that without a VISA!!!!! Which would be impossible to get.

@Notsowiseoldowl I didn't mean any of what I said as a criticism, apologies if it sounded that way! I guess I was just giving feedback about your line of thinking... that (to me) it sounds like some of your ideas are lovely daydreams, but may not be suitable in reality. Which is why i thought narrowing down your choices might be a helpful starting point. But all good, you do what works for you ☺️.
I hope you find somewhere awesome for you and your daughter!

Would you find a group like this helpful? https://www.autisticparentsuk.org/#:~:text=Autistic%20Parents%20UK%20CIO%20was,Autistic%20parents%20and%20their%20families. From what you've said you'd like to build connections but don't really know how to go about it. It may be helpful to find out from other parents with autism what works for them

You’re writing a lot about people and how central they are to lives - family, close friends etc.

So, I’m wondering whether you have explored the idea of moving closer to your people, or whether you have just discounted that as impossible.

You mentioned earlier in the thread that your close friend is in Dubai. Could that be an option? Possibly for an initial year to try it out?

Where do your parents live? Do you like the country? If so that could be an option and they might be glad to have a family tie closer as long as you are still building your own life.

In terms of family do you have anyone that you’re less close to but are still family - cousins etc? If so where do they live? Is it somewhere that you would enjoy? Moving closer might well deepen the connection.

The other option which I think is worth considering is areas where communities are more important. Where people would definitely check on you if you weren’t at a class or a meetup or something.

I like the idea of Devon or Cornwall - I think it would be hard to make friends in the summer when there are lots of tourists but come winter when there is a more stable population then you would be part of it.

Id also think about some of the Scottish island communities. Many are trying to grow their population and are actively recruiting for new families. I think if you had a job which was fundamental to the island - working in the pub or restaurant, library, teaching etc that would work well for building community.

I also like the idea of some sort of joint enterprise with your daughter to build that feeling of family. Would she get involved in a renovation or a project?