Found cocaine in DP’s pocket

[JustVolt]

I've been with DP for nearly 4 years and we have A just turned 3 year old and im 33 weeks pregnant (nearly 34). He struggled with his MH a lot throughout his teens, he medicated with drugs, weed and later cocaine. When we got together we conceived quite fast and obviously unplanned!

After DS was born he started struggling mentally again but it wasn't immediately obvious, maybe I should've noticed but baby had trouble feeding/didn't sleep and I was just exhausted and I thought the same for him. Fast forward to me finding out he was taking drugs and we split briefly, in July 2024 when DS was 18mo DP was sectioned and was diagnosed with bipolar was put on medication and while it was a lot of trial and error he seemed stable after a while and we got back together.

He's not taken drugs for over a year, since he was sectioned. The medication had really helped him and he's really present with me and DS and everythings been fine, he's happy about the pregnacy etc. Every time he used to get an urge he'd put the money he would've spent into savings for a holiday/something for DS/just anything really. I don't think he does it anymore at least not often, it was more just early on

He went out earlier for a few drinks with friends from work, he got back quite drunk and out of it. he's currently asleep, I picked up the trousers he had been wearing and I found a bag of cocaine in his pocket. My head is spinning, DS is asleep, DP is asleep and there's no use waking him when he'll just be out if it and not able to have a proper conversation about it

I just needed to put this somewhere, sorry if this is all over the place. I'm in shock and don't know what to do

You need to find out if this is a one-off or regular thing he is doing

You are going to need to rely on people other than your DP.
Do you have own income?
At some point you have to decide how to support yourself, your dc x2 and if you have space to support a dp with mh issues as well. You will need help. On practical level Who is around to help you when baby is born?

He needs to get gone - I’m sorry. You can’t have drugs in the house with kids. And I’m not coming at this from a holier than thou, never touched drugs position.

Stop having children with him, thos is their father now they will have to put up with this for the rest of their life, put them first

Sadly I agree with this, and I’m no holier than thou person when it comes to drugs either. I’d find it hard to forgive someone who brought coke into the house my kid lives in.

Honestly, my sister is an addict... cocaine addict to be exact.

It's been going on for 15 years and she has destroyed her kids lives as a result. She's literally my best friend and I love her to pieces, but it's a horrible destructive habit and it robs the user of their humanity eventually.

My biggest regret is not stepping in and taking her kids away the second I found out.

You should get your babies out of harms way as soon as possible love xxx

I'd dispose of it, make a mental note about his behaviour in the week leading uptonit and after it and say nothing for now. I'd do that because id want to get a baseline for how normal he has been presenting and whether he owns up independently.

You might find in a few days he volunteers "I have something to tell you, I slipped up, I'm in a dark place" but i doubt it. But that gives him time to be upfront.

on the other hand, he may have been doing it recreationally this whole time and hiding it from you and I'd think that's more likely if he acting normal.

I'd say nothing because I'd be interested to see if he carries on volunteering his urges, all while you know he slipped. You can also use the time to discreetly look at finances to get a sense of how regular this is. Is he taking out regular cash amounts or making regular bank transfers?

Obviously you know he did it, but id advise you'll find out the truth by yourself before he messes with your head with lies and apologies and hides stuff. You'll be calmer in a fortnight and better able to think straight.

Just be sensible in the meantime and don't leave him alone with the kids, stay with the kids so they don't ingest anything by mistake.

I would not want a drug user near my children.

He brought drugs into your home with a 3 year old and they were not in a secure place.

Your husband needs to leave and work a program and get clean and stay clean for a long period of time before you 💬 nk about reconciliation. He endangered your child.

I can’t imagine taking cocaine on a Saturday evening then being home in bed by 11pm?

So you met someone who took drugs, got pregnant. He took more drugs. You got pregnant again. He's now taken more drugs. It's hardly a surprise at this point surely? I could never forgive anyone who brought drugs into my children's home. He needs to get gone.

Bin it and go through his phone while he's passed out to see if it's him who's buying or his mates
Look at his online banking and messages
Keep it to yourself and see if he says anything then tell him what you found and you want him to go to the GP or go to narcotics anonymous, therapy etc
Otherwise you want him out the house.

You need to be prepared for him to lie or cry and say he'll never do it again but you have to stand firm on him seeking help

But to add - god knows what the contraindications are for his meds and cocaine. ‘My bipolar husband won’t even drink on his meds.

You’re only 4 years on, get away from this.

That’s what I also find a bit strange

Must have been shit coke if he’s asleep already. Are you sure it’s not something else? No I don’t know what but I do know coke keeps people up all night talking shit.

Could it be that he's got it but hasn't taken any? Like maybe a mate gave him a bag and he fought the urge and came home instead? Regardless, he's still brought it into your home and god forbid if your could had found it... So that absolutely needs addressing.
But I really hope he hasn't relapsed ☹️

While it’s totally unacceptable to be taking drugs then be around children, if he left today and was back home in bed for 11pm passed out I struggle to wrap my head around it being cocaine he is taking…IMO he’s either not taking drugs or (more likely) taking something that isn’t cocaine

If he’s fast asleep right now then I’d hazard a guess that it’s ket you’ve found rather than coke.

Did you get pregnant within 2 months of meeting him?

Hoping this is a joke 😂

No not at all, however back in the day when I done things I’m not proud of (though luckily never picked up a habit but done more than my fair share) with coke that was never the case (at least not with “good” coke) it was easy days to have your last line at 3am on the Friday and still be tossing and turning at 1am on the Saturday

👍 😂