Found cocaine in DP’s pocket

[JustVolt]

I've been with DP for nearly 4 years and we have A just turned 3 year old and im 33 weeks pregnant (nearly 34). He struggled with his MH a lot throughout his teens, he medicated with drugs, weed and later cocaine. When we got together we conceived quite fast and obviously unplanned!

After DS was born he started struggling mentally again but it wasn't immediately obvious, maybe I should've noticed but baby had trouble feeding/didn't sleep and I was just exhausted and I thought the same for him. Fast forward to me finding out he was taking drugs and we split briefly, in July 2024 when DS was 18mo DP was sectioned and was diagnosed with bipolar was put on medication and while it was a lot of trial and error he seemed stable after a while and we got back together.

He's not taken drugs for over a year, since he was sectioned. The medication had really helped him and he's really present with me and DS and everythings been fine, he's happy about the pregnacy etc. Every time he used to get an urge he'd put the money he would've spent into savings for a holiday/something for DS/just anything really. I don't think he does it anymore at least not often, it was more just early on

He went out earlier for a few drinks with friends from work, he got back quite drunk and out of it. he's currently asleep, I picked up the trousers he had been wearing and I found a bag of cocaine in his pocket. My head is spinning, DS is asleep, DP is asleep and there's no use waking him when he'll just be out if it and not able to have a proper conversation about it

I just needed to put this somewhere, sorry if this is all over the place. I'm in shock and don't know what to do

Seems to me like he hasn’t taken any or maybe at worst had a line the regretted it and came home.
the fact he’s messily drunk and ten asleep suggests he hasn’t had a load of coke
the fact there is still some in the bag says a lot I think, when I used to use socially there’s no way I’d ever have any left as once you’re in you chase it until it’s all gone and given that he’s been drinking (lowered inhibitions) and has been an addict I’d be absolutely staggered if he could leave any.
its not great that he brought it home in his pocket but - I’ll get shot for this I’m sure - he’s clearly very drunk and it was in his trouser pocket not lying around.
id actually put it back in his trousers then set up finding it in front of him to see his reaction.
i really really hope for your sake and his and your kids that he got offered some and had the immense strength of character to decline it and come home

tell me you’re an idiot without telling me you’re an idiot….

Cue "I've had better cocaine" or "I've never taken but think I know all about it, Talk To Frank"

If your DH has drugs, or even the residue, in the house where your child could access it this is a huge safeguarding issue OP. If Social Services get a whiff of this they’ll take it very seriously.
A friend went through exactly the same thing and was given the choice of either the partner leaves or your children will be removed.
Also, you cannot trust an addict, he will say he’s stopped, will get help etc, but could still easily be bringing it into the house. Please put your children first.

Anyone who buys drugs is complicit in the abuse of children due to county lines. I could not have a person like this in my life, let alone in my house.

Imagine your toddler had found it..
He needs to leave...

Surprised hes asleep with some left if it's beak 😂 sounds like hes been ripped off.

He sounds a disaster op. You know how this story ends already

They're not correct. It's literally famous for keeping people up talking absolute wham to each other all night.

The initial 'top of the world' high that most people take it for wears off fairly quickly, especially if you're doing it consistently over an evening.

But the other effects/side effects don't, especially if you've been on it all night. It's a powerful stimulant at the end of the day. A couple of coffees at work won't bother you, but if you have one every hour for 8 hours then try catch 40 winks....

i wouldn’t have this idiot in my house with my kid. End of story.

Cue proving my point….

👆

Yea the feeling of the high wears off but youre still "on it". If its even half decent and youve had more than just a bit of a livener you can assume youre not sleeping until about 6am 🤣😩

I had a similar experience, I dont know how reasonable your partner is but it didnt work out for us. He would rack up lines on the coffee table/kitchen table coming in from a night out. Start a private savings account, so you have a plan B to leave if it gets out of hand and you need to leave or kick him out.

A partner with MH problems can be a life changing burden. They can't help it of course, but that doesn't ease it for you.
This recent incident is just the latest manifestation of a problem that even with the greatest will on his part and the very best of support can only ever be managed.
Because management is hard, difficult to access and often only partial, some people do cope with self medication. This often leads to an unstable, uncertain life for loved ones who have to live with the knowledge that relapse of health or triggering life problems could cause the wheels to drop off any time.
Your priority is your child. And as sad as it may be that your partner us mentally unwell, he doesn't seem able to provide the best environment to raise a child. Your choices are to stay and spend your life trying to fill the gap and cover the cracks...or not.

Private savings account based on being pregnant twice within four years?

He’ll lie about it, he has been lying about it your whole relationship, you only find out after the event.

If his mental health was in a good place why would he “need” it, addicts can’t do it for fun. If his mental health isn’t in a good place then he needs to go back to the gp.

Reread what you wrote, and think what advice you would give someone else.

Personally I would be asking Do you love him more than your kids? If yes, give your kids up. If no, give him up, get in touch with social services and ask for help. Everyone afraid they will take your kids away are wrong, they will support you with your kids and make sure their safety is paramount. They do not like removing kids, but will if the kids safety is a concern.

Imagine the drugs dropping out of his pocket and falling under the sofa and being found by your three year old.

All the arguments about who has and hasn’t done drugs or who “knows” more about drugs due to experience or website info is all very irrelevant to the OP’s situation.

I couldn’t tolerate having a drug taker around my children.

You have my huge sympathies. This relationship cannot work if he will take cocaine. First, he's bipolar and medicated. Drugs will completely mess around with his brain chemicals and stop him from being stable. When managed there is no reason to think twice about your DP being bipolar. But with two small children you cannot manage if he is erratic and becomes ill again because of choice he is making not to look after himself. Secondly, cocaine is the most expensive drug. I have a family friend whose family are in debt because of his cocaine use. It's not life. You need to know for yourself where you draw the line, and at what point you wil leave, and stick to it.

Quite and left it on the floor where it could be found

I would not have my children exposed to this.

This. I really cannot understand people’s tolerance of it all when you see/know the criminality and abuse it supports behind the scenes.

I am really sorry your in this situation but my mother was in a similar situation. But my bi polar dad self medicated with weed ,the marriage lasted till i was about 11 i had two sisters.

You have gone through this before its a cycle same happened with my mother ,i am sorry to say it will get worst. My father never got off drugs he died alone after pushing us away. He stayed a addict the rest of his life and became more and more paranoid

You have a choice leave while your pregnant it will be hard or leave with a newborn it will be much harder. If yours is doing stronger stuff like coke its not going to stop he will try but always return. The last thing you want is your kids exposed to this ,protect them.

I wish you the best you are stronger than you realise

@JustVolt im so sorry you are going through this but you NEED to hear this. Bi-polar has a strong heritable component - however genetic factors are also triggered by the environmental stressors that an individual is exposed to. So your children may have a genetic predisposition to BPD and addiction - the BEST chance you have of giving your children the best health in life and not developing mental illnesses themselves is to get out of this situation, give them a stable, supported childhood and do not exposure them to an unstable addict as they grow up. Your partner, if he is stable on medication and looks after himself ,gives himself the best chance of being well and being able to be a really good parent…as soon as he starts self medicating with drugs he puts all that potential out of the window as it is not possible to be mentally well ,as someone with BPD ,whilst also using illegal drugs. ( … ex mental health and substance abuse worker)

Has OP not come back and we are already on talk about bipolar lol

The cool kids can go and talk about coke somewhere else. The point is, this pathetic dribbler brought some substance into the house where his kid lives, and left it lying around. For that, I would say he has to go. I would not have this waster in the house with my kids.

You seem very pro cocaine use, minimising the issue, the destruction it causes in families, the young teens dealing, the poorest people mixing deadly chemicals to satisfy the drug hungry masses.
Not all cocaine use happens in sessions, some people micro dose all day, drive their cars, interact with the children with their wet running nose.