To go LC with PILs because FIL voted for Trump?

[EachotherAndAnother]

I've been married for 18 years, two primary-aged DC. My ILs are American. They live about 20 mins drive from us (in the UK). For most of my marriage we've gotten along fine-ish, although I've often felt like they cross a lot of boundaries and have learned to be judicious about how much I open up to them. But they're hospitable and generous - have helped us financially when buying our house, help with the DC in the holidays etc.
They've occasionally made comments that have rubbed me the wrong way, but I've dismissed them as typical boomer nonsense - e.g. the idea that poor people are usually poor because they've make bad choices. They also cautioned their other son (DH's brother), who was planning to (and did) marry a Black woman, that any time a "minority" has married into the family it's ended up causing problems and division. But by and large I keep my conversations with them superficial and manage to rub along ok. The DC adore them.
But - I recently found out that FIL voted for Trump. Any time a controversial issue has come up regarding politics in the US, the conversation gets shut down very quickly, but I had my suspicions and these are now confirmed. And maybe it's ridiculous but I just can't stomach being around them anymore - I'm disgusted that he felt a man like that deserved to be elevated to the role of president and I'm furious about the havoc that is unleashing in the States and elsewhere. I don't want my daughter (in particular, but also not my son) spending time with them, I just feel like they're completely different people from me, with completely different values.
They are oblivious to how I feel and would feel blindsided if I brought it up. We would definitely not be able to have a productive conversation about it. So AIBU to just quietly stop accepting invitations, offers of help etc and gradually distance my family from theirs, or is that a massive overreaction?

I strongly disagree. All parties and all politicians are categorically not all as bad as each other, and it's really dangerous to adopt that line of thinking. It is certainly what some politicians want you to believe, however.

And yes, the examples that I've given are indeed extreme. Fwiw, I believe that the current situation in the US is extreme. But regardless, the point is that most of us will draw a line somewhere. We all have limits as to what we are and are not willing to tolerate.

If we’re being extreme about it… do you really believe that anyone who disagrees with any of your politics is morally reprehensible?

in the ops example, PIL are kind to her, have supported them with their home, and the children love them.

much better to teach the kids that the world is not black and white, good people sometimes say or do bad things, or bad people can say or do good things.

Kids are likely to come across people much more bigoted in their life so worth using any outbursts as a lesson/ discussion point later.

unless they are openly bad or racist of course.

No, of course I don't believe that anyone who disagrees with my politics is morally reprehensible. I have plenty of disagreements with friends and family where we are happy to agree to disagree.

But there are views which I do find morally reprehensible. Support for Trump falls into that category for me. So does support for Reform UK.

Can you genuinely say that you have no red lines at all that people could cross with regard to their beliefs which would make you question whether or not you wanted to carry on associating with them? I can accept that your red lines might be drawn differently to mine, but I find it hard to get my head around the idea that there wouldn't be any beliefs at all that might make you question a person's morality.

Massive overreaction. You sound a bit judgmental OP.

I wouldn't want my family or friends to go low contact with me just because of my ideas. What's wrong with freedom of thought?

You can disagree but the reality is regardless of party, most politicians are a complete waste of space, you just have to look a both the previous and current governments to see they were/are both completely useless. You have career politicians who have never done a real days work in their lives, making decisions for departments they don't understand or have any knowledge of, which have seen first hand with an MPs child in my DD class.

Trump is an idiot, but to try to compare him with leaders that committed genocide is just ridiculous and as per my original post is way over the top.

Doesn't like a third of the entire UK support reform though? Thats a lot of people you have to write off because of their political stance?

I know. It's depressing.

Well then respect to you for sticking to your political guns!

Well, this thread has not helped me make a decision 😅 But it has talked me down off the ledge I was on last night - I posted immediately after reading about Alex Pretti and was admittedly feeling quite emotional.

It has helped me articulate my own conflicting feelings though, which seem to be reflected in the opposing views on the thread.

Namely, that it's a vital skill to be able to get along with people who believe differently from yourself. That the increasing polarisation of political thought is a bad thing, and that isolating yourself from people with different views only exacerbates that. That I want to model peaceful relationships and reasoned debate to the DC, not dramatic reactions. That democracy and freedom of speech and thought is important. And that the ILs are broadly decent people, that they're family, and that they're good grandparents to the DC.

On the other hand, I do believe that conviction and sticking by your principles is important. Supporting the events going on in America at the moment is very different IMO to e.g. voting for Brexit. The situation in America is not at all dissimilar to the situation in Germany preceding WW2, and if those of us who find it abhorrent stand by and do nothing, say nothing, in the name of not rocking the family boat, are we any better than the people who support it or than those who are carrying out the killing? Is that what I want to teach the DC? That you sacrifice your beliefs on the altar of being polite and not upsetting people?

To those saying I overlooked the previous racism and other red flags and wondering why I'd now choose to die on this hill, it's more that this is the last straw after several years of offensive beliefs comments... on a background of generosity and otherwise kindness.

To those talking about "tainted" money etc, I have said to DH that I'm no longer comfortable accepting anything from them. The money they gave for the house was 15 years ago when they were much more temperate in their views. It's in the last 6-7 years that they've become much more right-wing and FIL in particular seems to have espoused more racist / misogynistic / evangelical views.

Anyway, thank you again for the various viewpoints and insights.

Ultimately, it's a moral issue for me rather than a political one.

I can quite happily accept people having different views on how things should be done. I can be close to people if I think that some of their ideas are wrong. However, I can't be close to people if I think their morals are wrong.

"'I'm no longer comfortable accepting anything from them", this is just ridiculous and case of bite off your nose to spite your face, you don't like their views fair enough, but where does this stop, are you going to refuse any inheritance etc. would could benefit your family?

What's it to you if she does refuse any inheritance? Not everyone puts money before morals.

Because I don't believe it, and such an overreaction.

It's an overreaction from your perspective. Presumably you're not that concerned about what's going on in the US. That's your prerogative.

I don't think it's an overreaction at all.

As to whether or not the OP means what she says, neither of us can possibly know. I see no real reason why she would make it up.

Stuff like this is why politics is in such a mess at the moment, both here and in the US. People just aren't prepared to politely disagree with each other, and civilised discourse just goes out the window.

Well, yeah, civilised discourse does tend to go out of the window when governments start executing citizens in the street for exercising their right to peaceful protest.

Personally, I accept that people can think and vote how they want and still manage to be decent and nice in many other non related ways so would add that into my equation on how I was with them.

I've lived in the US and have friends that are on both sides of the political divide, Trumps is clearly a polarising character, and destabilising the world at present, but we are looking from the outside making decisions based primarily on the media.

I have friends and work colleagues who are very intelligent, that I have know and respected for decades that are Trump supporters, whilst I don't agree with their politics, I'm able to have conversations and agree to disagree.

Sorry, but refusing an inheritance just because FIL voted for Trump is a massive overreaction. My DH votes differently than me, we don't get divorced over it...

I never discuss religion, politics or race with in-laws as they have 'interesting views'
As kids got older I explained people have different opinions (but me and their dad have the right ones lol)
I wouldnt go low contact with them

Learn something? Like being racists?

It all comes down to values at the end of the day. You clearly don't think Trump is as dangerous as I think he is, and you clearly place more value on money than I do. You're entitled to your views, as I am entitled to mine. Ultimately, the OP will make her own decision.

Well said

Values?? It's foreign president, whilst an idiot is not going to cause world war 3 in the remaining 3 years of office.

Some people are just more tolerant than others and able to separate someone politics from the person, some members of my family voted for Brexit, they had their reasons which I didn't agree with, but doesn't mean I am going to disown them over their views and choices.

World would be a lot better place if people kept their opinions to themselves, rather than thinking they have some morale high ground.

It has nothing to do with being more tolerant and everything to do with how you evaluate Trump's administration.

You think he's an idiot but not that bad. I have a different assessment.

So previous generations are racist are they? You do realise that is ageist?