To leave friend sitting in her car outside my house as she's arrived 90 minutes early

[youretooearly]

I invited my friend over to my house for a takeaway tonight. She asked what time and I said about 6pm. She responded to say she was planning to leave her house shortly (this was about 3.30pm) as she has never been to my house before and wanted to find her way before it got dark. She said not to worry she would just "hang around" somewhere and wouldn't impose. I assumed she meant she would go to a nearby coffee shop or something. I wasn't at home at that stage and told her so. I got home about 45 minutes ago and planned to use the time before she arrived to do more preparation for a job interview I have on Monday.

I walked into my living room about half an hour ago and noticed her car sitting outside my house! So she was here at least 1 hour 20 minutes early. I was shocked. I haven't acknowledged that I've seen her or invited her in yet. She's sent me a message 15 minutes ago "let me know when you're ready". I feel a bit angry that she's turned up so early! I said 6pm for a reason and now feel under pressure to let her in.

Fair enough, it definitely depends on the area but in that case, I would’ve parked down the street and waited. Parking in full view of the house and texting ‘let me know when you’re ready’ is letting OP know she’s here and would like to come in.

I actually arrived 45 mins early for an interview this week and waited until 15 mins before the time to sign in at reception. A different scenario as this is a friend’s house but a similar situation of not wanting the person I’m coming to see to feel inconvenienced and rushed at my expense.

I can understand that you might find it a bit annoying that your plans are not going exactly the way you want them, but your friend made the effort to come to your house (even though she appears to have some anxiety about driving), you’re also not making the effort of cooking for her (but are getting a take-away) and yet you seemed prepared to let her wait in the car for an hour? If she hadn’t texted you, would you have let her wait in the car until 6pm?
Oh, I don’t know, I guess people have different standards. If this was me, I would of course invite her in even if it means having to wake up an hour early on Monday to prepare for the interview.

This.

I’m amazed OP has any friends if she’s this uptight with them.

This . What is wrong with people???OP your response is awful and strange.

I think it was a bit hmmmm of her to turn up early AND THEN park right outside your house. I get being anxious about not being able to suss out somewhere new in the dark, therefore needing to be in the area early (whilst its light) but park in the next street until 5.55 :)

Shes not a puppy who peed on the carpet. Sounds like she's OK out in the car but as her friend, it's rude to leave her there

good heavens let her in!

Someone with quite bad anxiety I expect.

She’s weird for turning up so bloody early, but you’re weird for leaving her sitting outside.

If it was a first date or a work meeting maybe but I don't need my friends to lie to me, ehoch is essentially what it amounts to. Just tell me you're a banana and turned up 90 minutes early and you need to pee and you got over anxious so came out to early.

Sorry OP I think you are being odd. If it’s a friend, say come in have a cuppa here’s the telly. I just need to prep for that interview/ finish some work I planned to do and will be with you shortly. I wouldn’t leave them outside in the car

I would let her in but I'd be pissed off. Being early is just as rude as being late. I wouldn't be able to focus on preparing for my interview if I knew my friend was in my house (or indeed waiting outside).

If she's so anxious driving that she gives herself 100% plus extra time to find somewhere then perhaps she shouldn't be driving at all - unless you live up a mountain in the wilderness or something. As you said there's cafes nearby I'm guessing that's not the case.

Not as much of a mystery, when you realise they didn't say they didnt' want to drive in the dark at all the person you replied to just made that up.

Thirty minutes away, given she left at 3:30 and was there by 4pm.

Honestly arriving two hours early is just as rude as arriving two hours late.

Eh? The original post says she "wanted to find her way before it got dark." and as she is waiting in her car I'm guessing she didn't walk

She is very rude. If you let her in, she'll do this every time.
Stick to the agreed time, she won't do it again.

Didn’t want to find her way [somewhere new]. Not - didn’t want to drive.

I doubt she will be the OPs friend to do it again.

My friend would come in, shout that she's here, make herself a drink, do a job if she saw any that needed doing then make herself comfy whilst she waited.
Same as I would with her.

Would never, ever make her wait outside. I love her to pieces. She'd be welcome in my house even if I wasn't there!

Sorry, I would have said, I’m working til 6, so come by at 6 and just pretended you didn’t notice. I would absolutely not let her in.

I once had a friend drive from an hour away to see if I was home, without checking first. I was home, sick in bed on maternity leave with a baby (she had her toddler in tow). She knocked and knocked and I didn’t answer because I was in bed, trying to get the baby to sleep so I could get some rest too. So she let herself in and came upstairs to see if I was home. 🙈 I literally sent her away and back to her house an hour away. It’s rude to impose yourself on someone without checking first. You don’t know if someone needs to work or is unwell or if you’re shagging your neighbour before she turns up. 😂

Yep. White lies as social lubrication so she doesn’t have to choose between shaming her friend’s rude behaviour or harming her job hunting process.

I'd have laughed and let her in. But then I like my friends.

Just let her in and give her the TV remote while you get sorted?

You don't have to choose between the two. You can just make a cup of tea for her, give her the TV remote and crack on. Some of us like our friends.

I have a friend who did this in the past

I've told her bluntly we agreed 6pm for a reason - I have other things to do before and it wasn't convenient to be this early.

If she's a friend she should respect this.