To leave friend sitting in her car outside my house as she's arrived 90 minutes early

[youretooearly]

I invited my friend over to my house for a takeaway tonight. She asked what time and I said about 6pm. She responded to say she was planning to leave her house shortly (this was about 3.30pm) as she has never been to my house before and wanted to find her way before it got dark. She said not to worry she would just "hang around" somewhere and wouldn't impose. I assumed she meant she would go to a nearby coffee shop or something. I wasn't at home at that stage and told her so. I got home about 45 minutes ago and planned to use the time before she arrived to do more preparation for a job interview I have on Monday.

I walked into my living room about half an hour ago and noticed her car sitting outside my house! So she was here at least 1 hour 20 minutes early. I was shocked. I haven't acknowledged that I've seen her or invited her in yet. She's sent me a message 15 minutes ago "let me know when you're ready". I feel a bit angry that she's turned up so early! I said 6pm for a reason and now feel under pressure to let her in.

Wow. Let her in. She knows she's early. She will probably sit there and not bother you if you've got something to do.

This would really piss me off , I find being “really” early equally as rude as being late . It’s also a little odd .

Do you not like your friend?

She was polite enough to ensure she made the place in good time, overestimated but still just said “let me know when ready” rather than just come to the door.

I’d have asked her in, put the kettle on and either asked he to help me with the interview prep or given her coffee, the tv or something to do for half an hour whilst I cribbed. I’m usually glad of a bit of extra catching up time if friends arrive early.

I like my friends and don't care if they turn up early. My definition of a friend is obviously different from some on MN.

I like my friends. But if I've said 6pm I mean 6pm. Otherwise I'd have arranged 3.30pm.

Its exceptionally rude. Its not cool for friends to be rude.

I expect my friends to respect me or have a bloody good reason for ignoring what I've said.

How bizarre! I would be a bit irritated but have let her in and given her the Tv remote while I got the work done. I was very cold outside today, I couldn’t leave a mate outside.

I'm a nervous driver, but I think she was spectacularly rude turning up so early. If I turned up that early, I'd have parked in a nearby street - we rearranged a time for a reason, I should stick to that.

Maybe I'm a bad friend but if I earmarked that time for job interview prep, I wouldn't be wanting to let her in. It's easy to say. Just give her a TV remote and get on, but in reality it's hard to do. Bear in mind she's ready overridden your timings, it's unlikely you'd be able to crack on in peace.

So honestly, I'd pretend I hadn't seen her out there, and she can arrive at 6 as planned.

Super early people are worse than late people imo. At least the late people are usually sorry. The super early people always act like you are somehow the one at fault. Fuck off.
If you go somewhere ridiculously early you better take responsibility for it and not assume anyone is going to accommodate you.. just like a late person would be forced to do.

Yes, she has never done the journey so wants to learn it before it is dark. The person you replied to said "doesnt want to drive in the dark".

Very very unreasonable - she’s your friend!

Well you cannot be that bothered about the work if you are posting online. Is it really such a hardship to let her sit in the living room with a drink?

Same, I was about to put this. I can not stand super early people as it just puts you under pressure when you aren't even late!

I would've messaged her back and said erm we said 6pm didn't we, do you want to pop back then?

Presumably you have more than one friend?
OP didn't say its her best friend, or her only friend. It's a friend who's never been to her house before. I wouldn't want a friend I'd invited round at 6 to walk into my house at 430 and start acting like she was at her own house, that would be so annoying when I was trying to work!

Personally id leave her outside. I hate people arriving early. Presumably she’s inside now?

Omg of course you let her in. Tell her you need to do your prep,
let her sit and watch TV with a cuppa while you do what you need to do.

I bitterly remember the time when as a young, carefree couple, we invited DH’s academic colleagues for Sunday Lunch and they bloody turned up an hour and a half early! 90 minutes; I have been there and I feel the pain.
I was in my tights with the ironing board out, FFS, using MY time to sort the week’s ironing out.
I had to put clothes on and we welcomed the nuisances in while being most polite.
They were young and still learning grown up couple etiquette, as were we.
”We came early as we didn’t know the way. We can go off for a bit if it’s too early?”
”Well you still knocked on the fucking door, didn’t you? Wanting to be let in an hour and a half early, munching into my precious time!”
I didn’t say that, and I believe none of my ire leaked from my very pores.
I am glad we didn’t fuck the nuisances off, looking back, even though I’d not argue with anyone who did.

Agree.

It's rude to show up earlier than invited. You should always assume the host said a specific time for a good reason.

Here is a new friend more your style OP.

That was quite a soliloquy. Thank you for your kind attention.
No judgement from me, I promise, but now you can’t relax with nuisance outside can you?
”Come in, Carol, you dick. You’re early so I’m working. The kettle is there. Help yourself to the TV/books and the sofa and I’ll see you in an hour” should do it, surely?

She should have gone to have a coffee while she waited.

This! How was the friend to know that OP has important stuff to do. The friend who sent the text isn’t the weird one as she’s naturally thinking now that her friend is back home once shes freshened up/done quick tidy up or whatever to let her know so she can come in out the cold!

Also at least friend is prioritising OP and wanted to ensure she didn’t let her down by being late so it’s not odd to actually misjudge timings and traffic. This is something you usually get better with with experience.

I agree.

The friend also messaged explaining why she was going to set off so early but told OP not to worry she would find somewhere to hang around because she didn't want to impose and then messaged the OP about an hour before the agreed meeting time to say "let me know when you are ready".

If she was anxious about driving to a new place in the dark she needed to have mentioned that to OP before 3.30 this afternoon and tried to reach a compromise or she needed to have a plan about how she would entertain herself whilst she was waiting for 6pm. Turning up nearly 90 minutes early and then texting to pressure the OP is what's rude.

Driving in the dark is a part of driving in Britain in winter...even to an address you've never visited before.
Turning up that early and sitting outside your house to avoid it is a bit incapable imo.

Yes exactly this. Maybe OP has a massive house / thick walls but at mine, someone watching TV would distract me. Telling her to sit quietly would be so awkward.