To leave friend sitting in her car outside my house as she's arrived 90 minutes early

[youretooearly]

I invited my friend over to my house for a takeaway tonight. She asked what time and I said about 6pm. She responded to say she was planning to leave her house shortly (this was about 3.30pm) as she has never been to my house before and wanted to find her way before it got dark. She said not to worry she would just "hang around" somewhere and wouldn't impose. I assumed she meant she would go to a nearby coffee shop or something. I wasn't at home at that stage and told her so. I got home about 45 minutes ago and planned to use the time before she arrived to do more preparation for a job interview I have on Monday.

I walked into my living room about half an hour ago and noticed her car sitting outside my house! So she was here at least 1 hour 20 minutes early. I was shocked. I haven't acknowledged that I've seen her or invited her in yet. She's sent me a message 15 minutes ago "let me know when you're ready". I feel a bit angry that she's turned up so early! I said 6pm for a reason and now feel under pressure to let her in.

Yes leave her out there you can be 20mins early no more

Because it’s the kind thing to do for your friend. 🤷‍♀️

It's ironic. Mumsnet is full of people saying that we should resist the 'be nice' trend, that it's ok to have boundaries etc, but seemingly if someone rudely and deliberately turns up an hour and a half early, you should drop what you're doing, causing yourself detriment and accommodate them.

The absolute entitlement of some people here stuns me. People who would seemingly happily turn up 90 minutes early, and if the other person can't clear their plans and accommodate them, they'd drive off in a huff again, ditching the friendship.

I am more on the side of the friend in the car, it’s nice to let them in. BUT as a host I’d feel uncomfortable leaving a guest on their own while I finish working. I’m sure they’d be fine with a cup of tea and the telly but I’d feel awkward ignoring them.

i would of thought the best thing to have done would be to let your friend in and order the takeaway earlier so she leaves earlier and you can do your interview prep after instead?

also if you've left your friend outside to prepare for this important interview was you on mumsnet instead? lol

Brilliant
This is the way to be
People take liberties
Boundaries all the way

😂😂😂Id let her wait. maybe she wanted to make sure she got there on time. I admire the urge to be at the takeaway on time though.

Yabu. You're not much of a friend

OP did say it's a friend.
So what if friend is early.

I have very few but very close friends, I wouldn't mind if they turned up a early as they would just make themselves at home whilst I do what I need to do and vice versa.
I always look forward to seeing them so it wouldn't be an issue but then we are so close that we can just be in each other's company without any awkwardness , I would have welcomed any help with the job interview prep as well but maybe that is just me and my friendship group.

No, you sound normal. 😊

I’d still play dumb and say something like “I’ve got some work to do at home. Won’t be available until 6. Feel free to come a bit later if you like. X”

OP is normal too. She is allowed to have plans. Stop expecting women to always be available.

This!

It'd be different if she did this every time but it's the first time and she was clearly a bit nervous. At the very least I'd let her in, make her a brew, but explain I had some important work stuff to do.

If any friend of mine left me sitting outside and ignored me I'd be driving off!

Oh, stop making this something it isn't. 🙄

TBF, I don’t think the OP gives a toss about what anyone thinks given she hasn’t been back! Either that or she decided to let friend in early and they’ve now sunk 10 bottles of wine and will resurface late afternoon 😂

Depends who it was and how close I am to them. If it was my best friend, I would let her in without hesitation, make her a cuppa and go about my business - I know she would be happy with that.

Good grief! Surely you can invite her in, get her something to drink, and if you must you can get on with whatever it was you were doing - although personally I am more than happy to drop everything for a visitor. Do you actually understand the meaning of friendship? (mind you, this is MN, home of the socially inept so why should I be surprised).

It always boggles my mind that when something is happening to someone, the first thought that goes through their head is 'Let me post this on mumsnet/ let me ask MN' 🫨

Honestly, I've said it before but MN really is a parallel universe. I don't know anyone who would leave a friend sitting outside simply because they were early, but then I invite in people who haven't made an appointment three months beforehand, or people who don't text me to let me know they are coming. Thank goodness I don't live in the UK if this is what your hospitality is like (I do realise that not everyone is like that btw, there are many sensible replies on here.)

Imagine she saw this, if I was sitting in a car waiting for any reason then im likely to be flicking through Mumsnet on my phone 😂

And that's your right. But other people have different boundaries which is their right. People dont owe you access to their home or themselves. It's polite to establish what is acceptable to someone rather than just imposing what you would prefer on them
Some people are happy having unexpected visitors and contact and some are not
There are so so many reasons for this but at the end of the day everyone needs to respect each other's boundaries abd not just assume.

I’d let her in but I probably wouldn’t invite her round again. She is likely a nervous driver if she needs to set off this early but why agree to plans that involve driving in the dark in the first place if that makes her so nervous? Quite selfish of her really to make you feel under pressure in this way when she could have just sat at a nearby coffee shop or mentioned the fear of driving in the dark when plans were arranged. She’s the one making this awkward not you. Let her in but make a mental note for next time if there is one.

She’s probably hiding behind her sofa sobbing and shaking.