To leave friend sitting in her car outside my house as she's arrived 90 minutes early

[youretooearly]

I invited my friend over to my house for a takeaway tonight. She asked what time and I said about 6pm. She responded to say she was planning to leave her house shortly (this was about 3.30pm) as she has never been to my house before and wanted to find her way before it got dark. She said not to worry she would just "hang around" somewhere and wouldn't impose. I assumed she meant she would go to a nearby coffee shop or something. I wasn't at home at that stage and told her so. I got home about 45 minutes ago and planned to use the time before she arrived to do more preparation for a job interview I have on Monday.

I walked into my living room about half an hour ago and noticed her car sitting outside my house! So she was here at least 1 hour 20 minutes early. I was shocked. I haven't acknowledged that I've seen her or invited her in yet. She's sent me a message 15 minutes ago "let me know when you're ready". I feel a bit angry that she's turned up so early! I said 6pm for a reason and now feel under pressure to let her in.

What happens when it gets dark ? Does the car turn into a pumpkin ?

Why don't you let her in. Just tell her you can't entertain her yet because you have to prepare for something but tell her she's welcome to sit and wait.
I wouldn't be annoyed with her she is obviously anxious about going to place she hasn't been before in the dark

So weird.... no, I would never leave my friends sat outside my house for 90 minutes even if they were 90 minutes early.

Good solution.

How the hell is she going to get home if she's nervous driving in new places after dark?

Meanwhile, she must be bursting for a pee. (Cue indignant post on guest used my toilet!)

Insane behaviour to be so rigid you can't reschedule your planned prep for another time over the weekend to let an invited guest in, however early.

She’s annoying but clearly a nervous driver.
It was beyond weird to leave her sitting outside.

She must have had a feeling she's not welcome early that's why she just sat in her car, it's sad that she felt she had to wait untill you let her in, I can't understand why you would just leave " a friend" sitting out there pretending you hadn't noticed her, that's really odd, I feel sorry for her

Op has gone never to return.

Or spending the evening with the friend?

The friend that she left outside for 90min waiting in the car? 🤣

Why would anyone assume they would be welcomed in 90 minutes before the agreed time? By arriving so early the friend chose her own waiting time.

Or is it now selfish and unreasonable for people not to drop whatever they are doing or rearrange their own plans to accommodate entitled people who move the goal posts without negotiation?

This would cause my anxiety to go through the roof. I know I should let her in, but if I did the evening would be ruined for me.

lol..have many friends?

Me too
My evening would be completely ruined and I would be very agitated

I guess you’re both as weird as each other. … I wonder what happened in the end?

I find that mostly people who come to my home are late rather than early. Depending on who it is I allow about 20 minutes either way before I become "unable to hear" the bell. I make some allowances for tradespeople who can get stuck on a job and ask them to ring/text me if the schedule slips.

This has happened with random people. When I was a tenant and had given notice the agent asked to bring viewers around that evening. I very kindly agreed but stipulated 8 pm to give me time to have a meal and tidy up a bit. They turned up at 6.30. I refused to admit them because I was cooking a meal for myself and they were 1 1/2 hours early for the appointed time. They sat in the car outside and were not pleased. Next day I complained to the agent. She apologised and said there were several viewings arranged but the customers just dismissed the other two houses and thought they could come straight to my house. I told her that viewings would only be allowed at the agreed time. There were no more viewings until after I left. Lesson learned.

Never in a million years would I have let my friend sit outside in their car, I would have let them in, left them with a coffee and the tv while I finished work.

Would also add it’s strange to have no time to let a friend in because of interview prep but you do have time to go to mums net and post on your interview time. If she is such a nervous driver (whole other thread re how/if she should continue to drive) she must have planned her day around coming to see you and from your reaction you’ve come across, well, who needs enemies with friends like these

She didn’t ask to be hosted, she didn’t say I am sitting in a freezing car.

why should a friend drop what she was going to do, because it’s the kind thing to do for your friend.

I mean the friend is weird for just showing up 90 mins early - why not ask in the first place?

How is said friend getting home if she can’t drive in the dark?!

No, she didn’t ask explicitly but it’s pretty clear that she expected to be let in early - otherwise she wouldn’t have text at all.

FWIW I wouldn’t leave my friend sat outside for ages but I think her behaviour is bloody rude and not at all how a decent person should behave to begin with.

The friend mentioned her anxiety about driving to a new place in the dark at 3.30 this afternoon. She could have requested an earlier meeting time to account for that but she didn't. She turned up 90 minutes early and texted OP asking her to let the friend know when she was ready.

They arranged to meet at 6, the OP does not owe her friend an explanation of what she was doing before then in order to justify not being available 90 minutes early.

Don’t be an arse hole. She is your friend, she has travelled to see you. She might be earlier than planned Show her the kettle and your telly and crack on

Meeting time? I thought it was friends having a catch up and not a work/business related issue apologies if I have misunderstood

Exactly. All the friend's actions are designed to get OP to let her in early. If she was worried about finding the house, she could have driven there and then got her sat nav to show her the nearest Costa, Starbucks or McDonald's to fill time for 90 minutes. She was 'imposing' in exactly the way she'd said she wouldn't.

Also, friend's never been to visit before so it's presumably not a long standing friendship, where someone knows your place well and you could easily leave them to their own devices.