Dads using female communal changing room

[Strawberrryfields]

Not sure how I feel about this so looking for opinions and whether I should do anything.

A couple of times recently I’ve been changing my child after swimming and a dad has come in to change his child in the communal female changing room. It’s after lessons so only children changing. There are communal female, communal male and a number of individual cubicles. It gets very busy at peak times so at times you may need to wait for an individual cubicle.

It feels weird to me a grown man being in there and my instinct is that he should use the private cubicles, though he is clearly there with his child helping them get ready. I also understand him not wanting to take his child into the men’s communal changing rooms with random men in there but to me, he is a random man.

Should I say something? Would you? Chances are it’s just a normal dad changing his kid but I don’t feel entirely comfortable with it but not sure if IABU?

You need to report the dad and the woman who brings her son in.

im so sorry you had that experience.

your experience shows why those who say “but my husband would ask first” doesn’t work. Women are conditioned not to speak up. And a woman who doesn’t want the man there might enter at any point.

I’d rather die than have a male partner who spent all weekend arguing on mumsnet 🤮

No - you have not asked him. He was just present. Please do read the original post.

Shouldn’t have to ask a man not to watch women and children getting changed.

Clearly bored tonight, @Alex122022.

My dad always brought me and my sister swimming when we were kids . We always went into the men’s changing rooms with him until we were old enough to go into the women’s by ourselves . He was there to supervise us and I don’t see anything wrong with it. There is absolutely no excuse for a man in the women’s changing rooms .

Taztoy. I have seen you post before and know your story. Time to step away and let the MRA have his playtime - its pointless asking him these questions and the only result will be to upset you. Don't let him. x

Tell him to piss off or you’ll be phoning the police and report him for voyeruism. The fact he has a female child is no excuse. I have 2 boys and managed not to violate the privacy of changing room users when I took them swimming.

I’ve never read a suggestion that adult women should be going into male changing rooms. Also why would you need to ask on here? Surely you can work out for yourself the correct changing room to use?

This is about a very specific claim by @Taztoy - that it was illegal for the men to be present at all, before being asked to leave.

It's actually quite difficult to find a reason why it should be illegal - voyeurism would be one, but there is no indication by OP that this took place.

That doesn't change the fact that it was inappropriate - but not everything that is inappropriate is illegal.

It is actually illegal to be in women’s only spaces if you’re not a biological female.

It’s definitely inappropriate for a man to come into the women’s changing rooms for any reason and I would definitely consider him likely to be a creep, who isn’t bothered about making young girls feel uncomfortable about getting changed. (I’m an abuse survivor myself.) And yes, it’s illegal for men to be in female only spaces, though I’m not convinced the police would do anything if you reported it as a crime.

Obviously, it should be reported to the swimming pool’s reception, as it is against their own policy.

As an aside, what does MRA stand for? I’ve seen it repeated on here, but I’ve never known what it actually refers to?

I'm not sure how to react here. So it's a communal changing room. Presumably there are a lot of women changing their children. So it's possible the women could see another child changing. Are they paedophiles because they could see other children changing? Presumably not, because they are there with their own child. And they're parents. So you have to assume they are decent people.

OK so if you've lend them some credibility because they're parents, what about the dad now. He's a paedophile? How come? Because he's a guy. Isn't he also a parent changing his child? It seems clear there are no women changing in this scenario.

Is it the convention that all the boy children are changing in the male communal changing room, and presumably this dad has a son, and he's in the female changing room? That would be suspicious because it goes clealry against the convention. But what if the dad has a daughter. The daughter should change amongst her male peers just because she's with her dad? I think it would be better for a daughter to be able to change around other girl children.

I don't think it's as simple as labelling every guy in the world as being a paedophile on the basis of them being male.

You from your previous posts, seem to lack any empathy for girls and women. Irrespective of your feelings, imagining that it is OK for you to be present in a female girls (of varying ages, from under 10's to young teens) changing rooms, simply because you have a daughter, shows that you are totally tone deaf to the situation, where those young girls do not appreciate you being there. You are a male (as am I), therefore the law does and always has forbidden you to enter a female changing room where young girls are changing, added to which, there are no "grey" areas in the Supreme Court ruling regarding biological sex being the deciding factor, despite some people wanting it to be otherwise.

Is it? Which law does make it illegal?

Why would I lack empathy? All I said is that I can see fairly innocent reasons why this father is there, and that it would be better to tell him (or a member of staff) than shouting "paedo".

You say: "the law does and always has forbidden you to enter a female changing room"

Which law? The supreme court ruling does not state this but simply clarifies the interpretation of the Equality Act - but this act does not apply to individuals.

You've already been told.

Do you have problems with reading as well as reading emotions?

Please tell me. I have not been told.

The Equality Act that has been mentioned does not apply to individuals. And it is unlikely that voyeurism takes place based on the description. So what act?

Wtf I'm the parent not him I decide what he does at 4 its called parenting

Are you completely out of your mind? Why do you keep making up these imaginary scenarios as to why a male paramedic should be allowed in the female changing rooms? I wonder if somehow, you are using these imaginary scenarios as some sort of nefarious excuse you could use to access the female changing rooms whilst there are a crowd of young girls in there? This isn't the first time in this thread that you have said it.

Indeed, there is no autonomy for children - they have to be forced to do what the parents want, even if they are uncomfortable. As long as the parents are female of course.

I've got that question in mind too.

This happened when I took my daughter swimming. But there were also lessons for toddlers so their Mums’ were also getting changed. There was an older man in there helping his wife/daughter change a child! I asked one of the women if she was ok with a man being in there while she was getting changed and she said that she didn’t mind and felt safe! I thought this was bizarre but her opinion. I didn’t agree! Anyway I sent an email and the following week he wasn’t there. For context there are private spaces for families so hopefully they were advised to use them. No need for a man to enter a women’s changing room!

Are you drunk

Why would you NOT say something?!?

It remains illegal for men to be in female spaces.

The responsibility may not lie with an individual but the premises.

If someone refuses to leave then yes they may well be personally in breech of various other laws.

So the point still stands. Its illegal for men to be in female only spaces.

All posters are doing in questioning this is trying to find a loophole.... Why would you do this?

Its entitled and creepy af....