Dads using female communal changing room

[Strawberrryfields]

Not sure how I feel about this so looking for opinions and whether I should do anything.

A couple of times recently I’ve been changing my child after swimming and a dad has come in to change his child in the communal female changing room. It’s after lessons so only children changing. There are communal female, communal male and a number of individual cubicles. It gets very busy at peak times so at times you may need to wait for an individual cubicle.

It feels weird to me a grown man being in there and my instinct is that he should use the private cubicles, though he is clearly there with his child helping them get ready. I also understand him not wanting to take his child into the men’s communal changing rooms with random men in there but to me, he is a random man.

Should I say something? Would you? Chances are it’s just a normal dad changing his kid but I don’t feel entirely comfortable with it but not sure if IABU?

But the op is talking about pools with single sex changing not family changing ?

Our swimming club have specifically said that people should pick the changing rooms based on the gender of the person taking them swimming and not the gender of the child.
One woman complained and said that it meant her daughter was in a communal changing area with older boys (under the age of 10) and she thought it should be based on the gender of the children as it’s only the children that are getting undressed.
TBH I can see both sides, I take my youngest son into the ladies/girls changing room and the older one (age 11) chooses to go in the boys changing room, but knows there may be girls in there as the Dads have to use that one if they take their daughters swimming.

Not acceptable at all. If the child is too old to be changing room of the opposite sex, they are old enough to get changed on their own.

No, men never think of themselves as dodgy. Men: ..huh..looks like all the moms from the swimming group are going changing their kid in there. Oh it's the women's changing rooms. Ara it'll be fine, sure I won't be long anyway and sure I've haven't I my daughter with me. Sure it'll be grand! 😅

Exactly. Next time it happens get the other mums to point at his him and shout "peado, peado, peado" until he leaves. He won't come back in again.

Yes that’s my experience, that Mums take their boys into female changing rooms and toilets too.
I do sympathise, tho it doesn’t affect me as I have daughters, as I wouldn’t send young boys into a changing room or toilet on their own.
Parents should be respectful of being in a female space tho, especially in toilets, that toilet seats are put down and no pee on the floor!

@latetothefistingI managed to find it - it’s under a different name i used on mn but this is me. https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/chat/5109805-swimming-changing-room-question?utmcampaign=thread&utmmedium=appshare

It’s not as definitive as I remembered - but certainly none of the outrage here, with most saying it doesn’t matter too much.

As I’ve said elsewhere on this thread though it is very specific to our individual situation - it’s a private pool with one swimming lesson at a time and all swimming lessons are for very young children. It is always predictable who will be getting changed. There is no public swimming/ adults getting changed/ chance of older children getting unchanged etc. Which I imagine is why other mums also go in the men’s with their sons (all children need help getting dressed).

I used to be a lifeguard in a leisure centre with single sex changing rooms. Many dads with daughters in swimming lessons used to think because the swimmer was female that they should go to the ladies' changing rooms. It's just a misunderstanding. A member of staff needs to explain that even if he is not swimming, be is only allowed to go in the men's and if his children are under 8, he takes them into the men's. Once they are 8, they are supposed to go to changing room corresponding to their own sex.

If you look at the full quote history I was replying to it was suggesting a list of possible changing rooms and it listed family changing for adult females and under 8s

😅 That's a great idea! 👍

I think everyone thinks in relation to their own swimming set up.

My youngest does swimming similar to your set up. There are technically 3 simultaneous children but they are of 1-3 children, and everyone arrives swim ready so it's only changing on exit, and 5-9 kids in total, all infant school age. In that instance I don't think it matters, but there are no individual cubicles.

With my eldest, there's 10 plus in a class with at least 6 simultaneous lessons, kids 4-11. That's all mixed sex cubicles thankfully or you would end up with 11yo girls in with adult men, if we went by the sex of the swimmer.

It sounds like the same scent, but the set up really changes the situation.

I went to collect my neice from her swimming class. She was taking ages so I nipped in to the girls changing room (it was at a school so one big girls changing room and one big boys changing room).

she and another girl from her class were sitting on a bench in their swim suits looking uncomfortable while three men changed their much younger daughters.

My neice and her friend were 11 and these men clearly expected three to change in front of them. The swimming instructor came in and told them they had to leave because she wanted to change. They huffed and puffed, clearly annoyed they were being kicked out!

I was really cross that my niece was made to feel uncomfortable and no one and the school was policing these men’s behaviour.

I wouldn't find eel hours happy about a boy aged 8 or 9 getting changed alone in the men's changing room.
Unless it was school use and full of other same age boys and perhaps a supervising adult about.

Even if he goes into the mens he is likely to be in the same space as unrelated naked young girls as I am sure most men would be taking their daughters into the mens.

I do agree though he should not be in the ladies and I am surprised he even thinks that's ok. If there are individual spaces surely any parent with opposite gender children should just be using them to save any complications or offence to other users.

where does OP say it's "communal changing exclusively for children too young to dry and dress themselves after a swimming lesson."

She didn't. She said it's just children changing after lessons, yes, but not how old they are. Children having lessons could be up to 10,11,12 = entering puberty and entitled to not have an adult in their changing room.

Sorry. Mangled in transcription.
I wouldn't feel happy with a young boy being alone in men's changing room.
Not all men are predators. But almost all predators are men.

Very unreasonable. You're basically accusing the guy of being a paedophile although you say and know he's doing nothing wrong. Would you rather girls used the male changing room or would that be a problem too.

Big fat NO!

so by "I posted a thread on this exact topic and everyone said it was fine to take my son in the men’s,"

You actually meant there were only 4 replies to your thread, and 2 of them actually agreed with the vast majority on this thread and told you you should use the changing room that matches the parent's sex, not the child's?

talk about misremembering/misrepresenting facts, you could give Trump a run for his money!

That's what happens at my gym, Dad's take their female children into the men's. Mums bring their boys into the ladies.

Yea I find this really weird. Like the rules are suspended because it’s children. Get all the arguments for it, but my DD is 9 and well on her way through puberty - there are not always keep cubicles available so she hasn’t a choice but to change in front of men. Plus occasionally the squad swim after us and they are 15/16 yo girls.

@latetothefistingsome people are very quick on this thread to become insulting when it really isn’t necessary. As I said, when I looked back it wasn’t as definitive as I had remembered. I didn’t need to share it in those circumstances, but it’s an interesting discussion so I was happy to do so 🤷‍♀️. I do think the fact it got so few replies in comparison to this thread is telling. In our specific swimming situation the lack of replies suggested to me it was kind of a non issue. Although clearly in other set ups there are more issues to consider.

Exactly. It’s hypocritical to not want little girls to be exposed to random men in the men’s but then be fine with a random man in the female changing room where women and girls are exposed to him and other men with the same idea.

It’s the same with toilets. You’re either fine with men in there or you’re not. Don’t pick and choose.

Yes! If the girl is not old enough to get herself changed alone she will be ok in the men's with her dad.

This is why changing villages are the way forward. All cubicles and lots of family sized cubicles. No one has to see anyone naked!
So much better for this very situation or if you have a boy and a girl etc
We travel a bit further to use one like this rather than our local M/F (I have 2 boys)