Dads using female communal changing room

[Strawberrryfields]

Not sure how I feel about this so looking for opinions and whether I should do anything.

A couple of times recently I’ve been changing my child after swimming and a dad has come in to change his child in the communal female changing room. It’s after lessons so only children changing. There are communal female, communal male and a number of individual cubicles. It gets very busy at peak times so at times you may need to wait for an individual cubicle.

It feels weird to me a grown man being in there and my instinct is that he should use the private cubicles, though he is clearly there with his child helping them get ready. I also understand him not wanting to take his child into the men’s communal changing rooms with random men in there but to me, he is a random man.

Should I say something? Would you? Chances are it’s just a normal dad changing his kid but I don’t feel entirely comfortable with it but not sure if IABU?

@Taztoy Because boys are the same sex as men.

Doesn't answer the question.

Please think through logically why men should not be able to change with women and girls.

Same reasoning applies with boys. So I want men's changing rooms segregated from boys' rooms too.

are you able to find your previous thread where everyone gave the opposite answer? genuine query because I've never seen it go the other way on here - every thread I've seen the vast majority agree that the child goes to the sex of the ADULT with them, unless they are old enough to go alone.

I don't think the 'children only' thing is relevant. Firstly because I don't know how anyone can 100% guarantee it is children only - what about the people wanting to use the pool before/after the children's swim class? Anyone using the gym? Lifeguards? Staff using the toilet? Parents going into the pool to accompany their kids?

Secondly because as several people have pointed out 'children' spans a wide age, from baby to pubescent. There's a huge difference between a 5 year old child and an 12 year old child.

Thirdly - yes of course I would prefer you to take your son into the woman's. Because your 5 year old son, unlike a grown man, is not intimidating or a threat to girls. Can't believe that needs spelling out!

Fourth - yes, even if none of the above was relevant, it would still be appropriate to enforce the importance of female only spaces, although to everyone, not just to girls. Because doing otherwise is how boundaries get eroded.

No he shouldn’t be in there.
communal women is very different from family changing which is sometimes an option.
I would speak to staff in charge as they’re probably not aware.
Assuming they’re changing their daughters?
Ive had a similar issue in a small female communal changing room.
I take my disabled adult daughter in there if private cubicles are busy and a carer with a similar aged young man was using it.
Also a family used it, Mum, Dad and two sons while the male communal room was empty.
i know it was empty as it was a disabled friendly session with very limited people attending.

I think to some extent it’s a tricky one. It’s easy as far as - he should use the cubicles. But in public toilet situations my husband at least once took our baby girl to change nappy in ladies (empty when they went in): no separate baby change, no disabled toilet with baby change table, no changing table in mens and he couldn’t bring himself to change her on the floor of men’s toilet (I wasn’t with them). I can see a man stressing about taking his young daughter to a male changing room…maybe the cubicles need pointing out more as an option at your pool.

Men are the issue? Yes, we know this. I choose the bear!

Boys u8 are allowed into the ladies.

girls u8 are allowed into the men’s.

What logical thinking do I need to do?

If either of the children want to go into the changing room that aligns with the child’s sex, and their parent is ok with that, that is also fine.

if you don’t want your child being in a changing room with an unrelated adult in it, then it’s up to you to find a way to make that work.

Well I'm not the one saying men should never be around an undressing child that isn't theirs. Personally the rules as most of us understand them are perfectly adequate. Someone should have simply spoken to the man and if it wasn't a mistake then reported him to the staff
I
'm questioning how those who think Dad's shouldn't be taking kids into the men either would work it.

Perhaps
Family changing - adult women and children under 8.
Female changing - any femald
Male - 18 +
Male adolescent 9 - 17

Well if you go with your age groups and sexes - how does a father take his daughter of age 3 swimming?

So what does Jack do when he takes his 4 yo swimming? Given most places won't have the money or space for individual cubicles for men

@BeingATwatItsABingThing Men are the issue?

Why would that be up for question? It is common knowledge that almost every sex offender is a man.

And no, contrary to common belief, sex offenders are not created by "society."

Ask @shuggles@shuggles. They are one of the peopel saying men can't be around ANY child except their own and wanting separate spaces for male children away from men

@SleepingStandingUp Given most places won't have the money or space for individual cubicles for men

If it can be afforded for women, then the same facility should also be provided for men. There should be gender equality when it comes to access to public services.

When my daughter's were at swimming lessons, women did take their boys into the men's, it just wasn't complained about as much probably because the majority of accompanying parents were mothers

What the OP introduces is about communal changing exclusively for children too young to dry and dress themselves after a swimming lesson.

I cannot for the life of see how that raises issues around whether the facility is notionally male or female.

A few dads were caught doing this at ours and it caused a huge issue. The school hosting (even though only the club using the pool was present at the weekend) was furious and a lot of very clear signs went up / emails went round.

who are the 9% think this is fine?

I think the obvious answer to the problem of changing is that the children of Dad’s wear their swimwear under their clothes so changing in the male changing rooms wouldn’t be an issue.
Afterwards they need to wait for a private cubicle in the male changing room

Where exactly does she say that?

The 9% will be mums or maybe dads of daughters who feel that all the other girls and their mums are not entitled to get undressed in a solely female environment as it slightly inconveniences them to make slight adjustments.

There is equal provision.

Women can go in changing rooms with women and girls and only boys under 8.
Men can go in changing rooms with men and boys and only girls under 8.

The provision isn't "girls are kept away from men" so "boys should be kept away from men".

How does a man take his own kid swimming in your world? Is he even allowed to be around his own naked child? If the 18 yo male has to be kept away from the children, what about the 17 yo ones? They aren't less dangerous in your logic surely for the sake of a few days?

I'm a man with two DDs and that is just weird. If they are not young enough to change on their own he should be taking them into a cubicle in the mens changing room. As soon as they are old enough they should go into the women's changing room on their own. In no circumstances should he be taking them into the women's changing room. I cannot imagine a circumstance where he would not realise it was odd.

@SleepingStandingUp I said that if women have individual cubicles in their changing rooms, men should have the same. It is not good enough to say cubicles should go in one changing room only.

@sh{mention:shuggles}@shuggles replied to you and said
Same reasoning applies with boys. So I want men's changing rooms segregated from boys' rooms too.

Family changing isn’t just adult women and young kids?
Men with children are also “family” so if you change in family changing you should be prepared that Men and boys will also be in there.
If that’s an issue you should’ve in female changing.

Sorry my quote didn’t show.

where exactly does she say that

My quote didn’t show.

that wasn’t the post I was replying to.

see my previous correction.