To be furious and devastated to be told by parents they are giving their business and family home to loser brother?

[brightongirldownunder]

I've just had a call from my mum to tell me this and I'm totally broken. I can cope with the business but the family home? True they need to move as its far too big for them, but to have made the decision without even asking my opinion? I'm the eldest and my brother has always been a scrounger. he's never had an honest job in his life and it cripples me that he, his wife and 2 kids will be calling that home theirs. My mum insists they have not been given it for good but knowing my brother he will find a way around this. The saddest thing is that I've always been there for parents and was hoping that we may have had the chance to rent the house from them if we move back to the UK next year as our house in Brighton far too small now we have DD. There is absolutely no way I can ever go back to family home with brother and family in it. God I'm so upset... Am I being a spoilt brat (at 36?) Please someone tell me this isn't normal for parents to do this?

Sounds a little unbalanced, but people can be very strange about inheritance. One of my friends was left nothing by the grandfather who left her sister a £150000 house, on the grounds that older more responsible sister was doing fine and was well off and living down south - on one academic wage and in a 2 bed terraced house; I don't think so...- , while feckless younger sister was not even attempting to do better. Tis odd, particularly if they have not even attempted to explain their decision to you. Afraid you're going to have to try to draw a line under it all though, or it will eat away at you.

Is it actually legal even to give everything to ONE child and not the other?

I know - its eating away at me. Its just that he already has a huge house and is obviously selling it so that they can have even more money and live an even more indulgient lifestyle. Parents also pay for their kids to go to private school. Suppose I am jealous, but surely anyone would be. we moved to Sydney in March and are finding it really hard financially. Living in a small house away from family only makes things worse...

Did she say why she was cutting you out?

No BFUB, she didn't. I have an amazing relationship with mum, but my brother has always been able to control my parents. Worse still my dreadful shit stirring father in law predicted this would happen....

Yes Riven. All she did was burst into tears and say how sorry she was. Its just a bit weird. Brother has already put his house on market too.

my ILs are giving their house to DH's loser brother who will never marry or have kids and has never left home as he gets waited on hand and foot.

nowt we can do about it.

we have zero chance of every owning a place of our own at all whatsoever.

give it time to get used to it and hopefully you'll find peace in time.

Hopefully expat. Just don't understand what I've done.
I know if they got ill I'd fly straight back to them and he'd probably just moan and find an excuse not to help look after them.
they've also remortgaged the house to cover money he lost on investing in crappy flats in cyprus.
Pissed off is not the word - I want to scream

I would be furious and devastated too.
Of course it is up to your parents as to what they do with their assets.
But it is so patently unfair to favour one child so hugely over another.
And expect the one that is not getting anything to be completely fine about it.

DH has a similar situation with his parents and sister. His sister has made some extremely poor choices and bad decisions in her life. It seems like she is being rewarded for them by DH's parents, who have given her a house, and bequeathed 80% of their own home to her.

It is upsetting and unfair.

It seems as if some parents do not trust their children enough the make their own mistakes and recover from them on their own.

But these children will never learn, because Mummy and Daddy always bail them out.

I really feel for you, brighton girl. It is like a slap in the face.

you've done nothing. they just see things differently.

MIL always feel sorry for DH's brother. i've no idea why, really. he's the eldest and she's always mollycoddled him.

and it's done him no favours at all.

he would make Kim and Aggie run away screaming.

that house will be on Life of Grime after they're gone.

we'd have cherished it in hte way only a person who would do anything not to have to move around over and over again because they privately rent would.

but it's a moot point.

it's their house.

I've got another brother and sister too. `````````haven't spoken to them about it yet. But for some reason they've always defended brother.

Although the assets are theirs to do with as they wish...... I would be tempted to take your mother aside and asker tactfully what you have done to upset them so much that they have "cut you out of their will".

They may genuinely not appreciate that this is what their proposed course of action amounts to and this is the way it may well be interpreted by other family members (aunts uncles etc) leaving you living under a false cloud of having done something to warrant such treatment and worrying that people will talk about it behind your back.

I know that the assets are theirs to dispose of as they wish but this does seem spectacularly unfair to you in the medium term and to your children compared to your brothers children in the long term.

That is so unfair. Some time ago my dad was planning to give my brother and sister some money ( a LOT) but not me. I was absolutely gutted, not just because of hte money but because he has always favoured them over me. As it happens he didn't and now he has far less money than he did then. But I completely understand and I think you need to ask them why they are doing this. Is it possible that they just haven't thought it through.

I'm thinking of DD's future more than my own.
I'd really like to have another DC too but am worried this family situation is going to leave me with no-one.
Apparently its not that I've done anything its for "convenience" and to keep the property in the family. Ty telling brother that once he's moved in.

Am now feeling really depressed as thing are tough enough here without this crap.

Could you suggest that your brother is given a living interest in it and then it passes onto to all the grandchildren and put condditions on to it that it cannot be sold and must stay in the family. Ask your Mum if they've got tax advice on what they are doing etc?

It does seem like your brother has manipulated the situation.

Cargirl he's very manipulative. He's wangled his way into my parents business without any training and 2 people have left already because of this, but they just won't listen to me. I appreciate they don't want to see their grandchildren suffer but brother has huge house already and am sure they'bve had absolutely no advice from anyone. I'm going back to Uk for 6 weeks and can't bear the thought of seeing him as he will have his usual smug grin, but Dd has to see my parents and other family members.

Are they letting him live there/run the business or are they actually legally signing it all over to him? Are they trying to avoid inheritance tax and have been promised by him that he will do the right thing?

It sounds absolutely awful, I would be devastated if my parents did this. They dote on my brother and are very generous with him, he has never worked and lives at home. They feel that I don't need as much help. But they try to be evenhanded I can't imagine anything like this happening.

I think you need to talk to your mum and find out exactly what the situation is. If they are signing it all over the "why have you written me out of the will" question is a good one which needs to be asked.

Difficult and unpleasant situation though I feel for you.

Think I'd be a bit more clear headed if DD wasn't teething so badly.
thanks for all the advice - mum mentioned "paperwork" will ask what this entails.

Can you tell your parents what a slap in the face it is to you and your other siblings?

In no way on the same scale, my younger brother was supported financially through uni, had his credit card debts paid & deposit paid on his first flat - whilst I had a grant & had to deplete my savings to fund uni, because I had saved rather than frittered it like my brother.

Although galling, you should be proud you are forging a new life down-under, creating opportunities for your dcs and teaching them life lessons your leach of a brother will never have nor ever appreciate.

I would speak your piece and then let it go.

that's what I mean if your borther has told them x y & z please inform your parents that the tax laws have really changed and they need specialist advice to make the most of tax loopholes otherwise the house may have to be sold to pay of tax at a future date.

I know I've got to let it go..
just have so many lovely memories of that house. we all grew up in it. I was the same as you ,Heated, at uni - he went from course to course not finishing any of them with parents funding everything whilst i had a grant and a job.
Think maybe I should have counselling as this is obviously something I've carried for a long time. Or maybe I should just fly home and kick DB in the the nethers - someone needs to.

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