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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Peri-menopause how not to be dead on the inside

133 replies

JerryTubs · 23/01/2026 13:05

Okay, I need to get blood works done for sure. Mum went through peri at a younger age than me and so did my sister. Ridiculous heavy periods, some sporadic night sweats etc. I can deal with all of that, no problem, would prefer not to but not the biggest worry. I will take recommendations for anything to say to my GP, private tests, therapy, supplements as long as they’re not the crazy kind etc.

But how do I stop myself from (pardon my French) not giving a fuck about anything? Or anyone actually? I haven’t lost interest in maintaining a healthy lifestyle or my appearance or work or the things I enjoy like cooking and reading (relevant I think in case anyone thinks I’m depressed) but I literally couldn’t give a shit about anyone and you can’t actually say that to anyone without sounding like the worlds most horrible person can you? I used to be described as sensitive, my whole life actually, my parents said I was sensitive and numerous partners have said the same. I used to have bags of empathy, a tear in my eye if I saw a homeless person and it was freezing outside etc.

Now, when my partner says he doesn’t feel well, in my head I say ‘I don’t care, you’re a complete twat and it serves you right.’ I mean he has been a complete twat so maybe not the best example. I have grown up children and young children and whilst I have more feelings for the younger ones it’s not how I felt when the older ones were little. When they have aches and pains I invariably think ‘ffs this is the third random pain you’ve had this week.’ I do what I know I am supposed to, comfort, seek medical assistance if necessary but it’s all just because I know I have to not because I actually have massive amounts of sympathy. I think the older ones are selfish and entitled and honestly I don’t care whether I see them or not, my attitude is very much that I’ve been a good Mum and if that wasn’t good enough then tough Iuck because I tried very, very hard. If you’re not bothered about making an effort for me then I will return the energy. Yesterday someone told me I had offended someone else that I’m in a sort of group with and I cannot tell you how much I just don’t care and it’s made me realise that I need to do something. Once upon a time I would have gone and spoken to them and apologised if I had offended them but now I just think ‘oh well, I’m not really keen on you anyway, it saves me talking to you.’

Now I know this isn’t normal. Did anyone else feel like this in peri menopause? How can I get back to how I was? Well not how I was but at least have more compassion. Or maybe just someone that actually cares about people again? I don’t want people to think I’m depressed though because of that lack of care because I’m almost certain it’s not depression.

OP posts:
FlyHighLikeABird · 24/01/2026 22:41

Things that have helped me reconnect with my own self and life have been have some breaks away without anyone, write a lot, redo my wardrobe so I feel like I look great, and remember the things I used to enjoy when younger and do some of those (e.g. dancing, going out to dinner).

None of it was take on more caring responsibilities, carer burnout is very real.

I don't recommend feeling like you hate everyone though for more than about 6 months otherwise you get a bit stuck like that into older age. It's not how I prefer it anyway (although people are always quite irritating but I had that when they were younger as well!)

Maryberrysbouffant · 24/01/2026 23:29

https://youtube.com/shorts/X0eXtVC6TLk?si=QkQPH2N556owpNLq

you just joined the club, welcome 🙏🏻

soupyspoon · 25/01/2026 00:34

Charliede1182 · 24/01/2026 13:19

It sounds like the place you went to was a crock of shit profiteering from the increased awareness around menopause and the NHS shortcomings in women's health care.

Perimenopause and menopause can be diagnosed clinically and in resource-poor settings this is all you have.

I personally do feel blood tests are helpful with the caveat that it takes a certain amount of clinical skill and experience to interpret them in the context of the clinical picture.

They can be a helpful adjunct when making treatment decisions but should never trump the patient's symptoms or clinical judgement nor be used to deny someone treatment as blood levels can fluctuate greatly and "normal" labs can be seen in someone highly symptomatic who is clinically balls deep in perimenopause.

It wasnt a crock of shit at all, they're a well known clinic and I was personally recommended to them by a couple of people who had used them who I worked with

I didnt go to 'get diagnosed' I know I was in peri and still am, the GP had told me this some time ago in any case as if I didnt know. The consultation was for me to have time to go over what I wanted to do, longer than the scant 6 minutes I might get at the GP. I didnt have to have the bloods taken, I was interested to do so, I knew that they may or may not result in any information, dont assume people dont know what they're doing or seeking out

Pryceosh1987 · 25/01/2026 00:53

I think the female body works with the minds emotions. I think its possible to do anything with the right actions and mental steps.

SlB09 · 25/01/2026 01:16

You've put into words how I've been feeling, Im so convinced I'm peri!!! Dead inside, not depressed or happy just meh, oh and everyone can fuck right off and let me fuck off to some woods and be a frizzy haired lady living in my wood house by myself dealing with no one else's shite or expectations. Everyone else is a complete twatting twat and I need to slam a door or scream into a pillow.

(Seriously though it's kinda nice to hear I'm probably not mental!)

Alcoholtakingherlife · 25/01/2026 03:06

I started perimenopquse very early. Probably in my thirties. I love the feeling of giving no shits at all. I still feel caring towards people but when people are exaggerating I find myself switching off. I like to think I'm still pleasant and kind person but I don't fear calling people out for being a shit ir treating other people poorly. I can cut people out that are being shitty without more than a passing glance. Quite liberating.

Charliede1182 · 25/01/2026 14:55

soupyspoon · 25/01/2026 00:34

It wasnt a crock of shit at all, they're a well known clinic and I was personally recommended to them by a couple of people who had used them who I worked with

I didnt go to 'get diagnosed' I know I was in peri and still am, the GP had told me this some time ago in any case as if I didnt know. The consultation was for me to have time to go over what I wanted to do, longer than the scant 6 minutes I might get at the GP. I didnt have to have the bloods taken, I was interested to do so, I knew that they may or may not result in any information, dont assume people dont know what they're doing or seeking out

Sorry if I touched a nerve, it just didn't sound like you'd got much out of it leaving with neither any meaningful information nor any treatment.

soupyspoon · 25/01/2026 18:01

Charliede1182 · 25/01/2026 14:55

Sorry if I touched a nerve, it just didn't sound like you'd got much out of it leaving with neither any meaningful information nor any treatment.

You didnt touch any nerves you just completely put your own spin on what I said. I merely mentioned the blood tests in respect that they in themselves often show very little or nothing and mine were also like that

The consultation gave me a lot out of it, I would recommend them (and have done) to others. I didnt want any treatment out of it, I thought I might but the information was helpful for me to determine that then, 2 years ago, wasnt the time.

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