AIBU to be really pissed off about their behaviour at my graduation?

[Nodramalama85]

It's the day after my graduation. Five years of study completed. I didn't want to go, I knew it would be emotional and I'd find it overwhelming. I also knew my family would be a nightmare but they all insisted that they wanted to celebrate my achievements and go.

Initially, my parter was great, bought a new suit, cuff links with my intials, held an umbrella over us both to collect my gown. My eldest son, turns up 30 mins before we are due to leave hungover, no dress shoes, fine whatever. My partner lends him a suit. Crisis averted. Mum arrives all good.

After the ceremony they tell me how boring it was, how they almost fell asleep once I'd been on, how my mum had asked how long it had left every 5 minutes and got really arsey towards the end. She even became irrational in the queue to get into the venue. My partner spent the entire day reminding my mum that the day was not about her. We then go to the reception. My partner is being really spacey and monosyllabic, he had taken some tramadol for his headache. These tablets makes him drowsy and absent. My son was constantly complaining about his hangover and my mum just complained about everything all day. Apparently, she didn't enjoy the ceremony but is happy she saw me graduate. They all acted like miserable wankers at the reception. I couldn't introduce them to anyone at the university. It was just an horrendous experience, they didn't look like they wanted to be there at all. We ended up leaving early even though I'd bought the tickets and the venue had a bar. They only had to behave like normal people for about three and a half hours in total. I feel so hurt that I was pressured into doing something I didn't want to do and that they then went out of their way to ruin it.

AIBU - at least they came!
You are not being unreasonable WTF?!

I didn't go to any of my graduations, not really my thing. I have been to 3 of my 4 kids graduations, yes I was proud but they were boring to be honest.We went out for food as a family afterwards and also got lovely photos but the main thing was my kids DID enjoy it, it was their time and I am sorry that you were unable to enjoy yours. Congratulations and I hope your future is everything you want it to be.💕

I’m sorry op, it’s really disappointing that they couldn’t put the effort in to make it a positive day for you. It sounds like your dp was at least trying, but made a mistake by taking the painkillers. I’d be pissed off with your ds and dm though. Congratulations on your brilliant achievement.

Congratulations on graduating OP. That is what will serve you well and stay with you in the future, not their poor behaviour. I hope you get to meet some more pleasant people as you go through life. 🌹👩‍🎓

I can't understand why they all insisted they wanted to go.

Have they never been to one before because let's face it, they are mind numbingly boring once the person you know has been and gone.

But they've only got themselves to blame for insisting they wanted to go, so they shouldn't have spoiled it.

Fortunately every graduation I've ever known have been limited to two tickets per person.

Your DP sounds nice but I’d be pissed off by dm and DS and I say that as someone who watched my mum become a priest and a bishop and that is such a long ceremony, think 4+ hours of Christianity in Welsh and Latin

Look, OP, you allowed yourself to be overruled when you didn’t want to go because you knew you’d find it overwhelming and your family would be a nightmare. And both those things happened. Next time trust your instincts.

I'd be really hurt too! It sounds as if your partner did his best (poor him having to constantly monitor your mum! No wonder he ended up with a headache). And I suppose your son is young. But your mother has no excuse!

I would be absolutely furious.

Graduation ceremonies are boring. I mean, they are. You want to go, you do it knowing you'll see 30 seconds of your beloved special person graduating, and then a long old slog of watching other people trudge across a stage. But this surely cannot have come as a surprise to your mum?!

If I were you I would leave it for tonight, then ask your partner to take you out for a special meal so the two of you can celebrate (and maybe commiserate about how awful your mother was!). Your mum should be ashamed of behaving like a rude child, though.

Huge congratulations on your achievement.

You are not being unreasonable. Your mother especially sounds utterly rude and unsupportive. Massive congratulations, it's an incredible achievement, you should be really proud of yourself x x

I’m so sorry. Nearly 40(!) years ago I graduated. I’d been in a car crash a few weeks before so my face was puffy and covered in some weird pancake make up, my dad couldn’t come and it was so massive I only knew 2 people- one a lovely friend who’d come alone because her dad was dying. It was a very flat sad day. And then last year I got my Masters. I took my mil who lives locally to the very bougie business school, it blew her mind- the string quartet, food and how she was treated like a Queen, she’s very elderly and was looked after when I was processing and queuing. I wore an fab dress and had a mortar board this time and great hair- I looked objectively better than I had looked in the initial photos.
I hope that doesn’t sound tone deaf! There will be other hopefully better similar occasions. My first DD’s we went all out and had family photos- so pleased as my the time the others graduated it was flat no bells and whistles covid.
💐

Not unreasonable to be disappointed. They all behaved poorly - even DP taking a tramadol for a headache ?! Did he not realise that he would completely knock him out? Congratulations on your graduation.

Not the point, I know, but who the fuck takes Tramadol for a headache? That is one heck of a hardcore drug. Does he have a substance abuse problem?

I'd be most pissed off with the partner, taking Tramadol for a headache. He must have known what the effects would be.
What does he normally take them for?

Congratulations - from now on I would vow to take charge of your own life; I wish you success and happiness in the future.

What did your dm think it was going to be - a rave?

You’re not wrong to be disappointed OP - they sound a bit crap.

Have to be honest though, we didn’t go to eldest ds’s as it’s really far and he wasn’t bothered about going - I wish I’d pushed it more now as I wanted the photo to put on display!

I was bored stiff during my graduation, I expect my parents were too - hundreds of graduates and a very long boring talk by some guest celebrity whom my parents wouldn't have heard of.

But I have the photo :) parents had one too.

and we went for a lovely lunch afterwards.

I went to both of my graduations. The first was with the ou , just me and my DH. and it was a proper party atmosphere but I wanted to escape even though it was me graduating. It was huge and BORING. The second time for my masters I graduated with my sister and family watching. Much smaller. We skipped the after bit and had arranged our own party with all of our family and friend’s. It was fucking brilliant.

i get it’s sad but honestly, go the next step at your own pace and just do your own thing afterwards. I’ve been to multiple graduations as a guest and it really is boring as fuck. Is 3-4 hours to celebrate the person you love for 5 seconds at best.

Graduations are boring as hell, but they are special days for the people concerned so you act like an adult and behave yourself, dress nicely and make small talk if you are introduced to anyone. A nice lunch is usually the treat afterwards. I would be pissed off too OP.

This is exactly my question.

How annoying. Yes, they are boring, but what did your family think was going to happen?

My parents horribly ruined my graduation (and my shitty then fiancé). It devastated me at the time because of the selfishness behind it. My parents also did it at my wedding and when my DS was ill so we are no contact now.

I did my MA at 50 which meant I could have a good graduation with my DH, kids and best friend. It was pretty boring and I was too old really but it meant a lot to me because my loved ones cared.

I feel really sorry for you. I’d be really angry with your son and mum. You deserve better. Why don’t you have a graduation dinner with your DH and anyone else who can behave themselves!

My family were horrible at my graduation, almost 25 years ago. Maybe I had built it up in my head, thinking it would be a special day, and we’d have a lovely meal.
But my baby brother overslept, my dad insisted on taking the worst route there, and the event felt generally flat. My dad moaned the whole time. I was in tears. Really wished I hadn’t bothered.

Aww that's tough.
In my family, a graduation is equal in terms of importance to a wedding.
Even more so as it's something you've achieved all through your own efforts that can't be taken away from you.
Congratulations OP. Mumsnet is proud of you 👏.
Go and buy yourself a nice piece of jewellery and a bloody big bouquet of flowers.

Op, I also did my degree over 5 years, I loved my ceremony because it was mine, for me, for all my hard work and millions of late, late nights. I strode across that stage like I owned it. It means the world to me. It should feel like that for you, because you did it, you nailed it, you have succeeded! Well done you. Stuff anyone who thought it was boring, it wasn’t their day, it was yours. You made it, and you should be immensely proud. Focus on the nice cap and gown pictures and if you have none, get some, you can book in at most photography studios. I have my degree on the wall of my office, I look at it every day and feel so pleased and proud. I hope you feel the same because you should. Stuff the family, they tried to do the right thing but hit the mark, let it go, at least they sort of tried! It is your achievement for you. Take yourself off for a day out, afternoon tea, shopping, lunch, whatever floats your boat and pat yourself on the back for a good job well done. Well done queen 👸 xx

What a pack of dickheads.

The ceremony is tedious except for the moment that someone you love steps up to receive their degree. But you also have to sit through several hundred others doing the same.

But you don't moan about it to the graduand. You congratulate them, give them a hug and remember how proud you are. Your lot really let you down.

And yes, Tramadol? That's insane for a headache, unless there's a back story of some horrible condition.