AIBU to be really pissed off about their behaviour at my graduation?

[Nodramalama85]

It's the day after my graduation. Five years of study completed. I didn't want to go, I knew it would be emotional and I'd find it overwhelming. I also knew my family would be a nightmare but they all insisted that they wanted to celebrate my achievements and go.

Initially, my parter was great, bought a new suit, cuff links with my intials, held an umbrella over us both to collect my gown. My eldest son, turns up 30 mins before we are due to leave hungover, no dress shoes, fine whatever. My partner lends him a suit. Crisis averted. Mum arrives all good.

After the ceremony they tell me how boring it was, how they almost fell asleep once I'd been on, how my mum had asked how long it had left every 5 minutes and got really arsey towards the end. She even became irrational in the queue to get into the venue. My partner spent the entire day reminding my mum that the day was not about her. We then go to the reception. My partner is being really spacey and monosyllabic, he had taken some tramadol for his headache. These tablets makes him drowsy and absent. My son was constantly complaining about his hangover and my mum just complained about everything all day. Apparently, she didn't enjoy the ceremony but is happy she saw me graduate. They all acted like miserable wankers at the reception. I couldn't introduce them to anyone at the university. It was just an horrendous experience, they didn't look like they wanted to be there at all. We ended up leaving early even though I'd bought the tickets and the venue had a bar. They only had to behave like normal people for about three and a half hours in total. I feel so hurt that I was pressured into doing something I didn't want to do and that they then went out of their way to ruin it.

AIBU - at least they came!
You are not being unreasonable WTF?!

Isn't Xanax also a class c drug, the NHS doesn't prescribe it for headaches, migraines or anything else?
Never mind your moaning mum OP I think you should have a conversation with your partner about their drug use.

"I'd already made plans for my birthday that don't include any of them because of their behaviour last year. "

So they already have history of acting up when it's a specific celebration for you? I think that speaks volumes doesn't it OP; well done on arranging something that doesn't include them this year!

How horrible for them all to act up on your graduation. All your hard work over 3/4/5 years mustn't be overshadowed by 3 selfish individuals. The graduation is about YOU and YOUR achievement and you should feel so proud of yourself. Please get the photo to mark the occasion and when you glance on it, just remember how proud you are of yourself and what you achieved. Don't let their bad behaviour tarnish your well deserved recognition. Congratulations!

All those saying don’t go are really showing they don’t do anything that’s not about them. Sitting through something that means something to others is important. It meant something to op. If other grads don’t care, so be it.

I’ve noticed that those who don't want to go have probably given this attitude to dc and then they don’t care either. They don’t support their friends on the course (did they make any?) and opt out. It’s a sad attitude and parents lead the way.

Don’t be ridiculous. Having tramafol in the house isn’t supplying an illegal drug. Pompous arse.

My thoughts exactly - honestly, some people on here 😂

For mine, my mum insisted on rattling a football rattle around as I walked across the stage. I asked her not to, but nothing I said made any difference.

I’m so sorry but this has me howling!

Congrats on your graduation OP and sorry your family behaved so badly.

My dad totally ruined both of my graduation days. I really shouldn't have let the fucker come to the second one.

It sounds like your partner did his best wrangling your mum. I'm not surprised he had a headache although it's a shame it was bad enough to require Tramadol.

Three of my kids have graduated and I have been to all the ceremonies. My oldest daughter's was dull as ditch water - my elderly mother fell asleep in her wheelchair. But the reception made up for it all and we went out for a meal afterwards which was fantastic.

My son's took place when there were still lots of covid restrictions so it was in an open sided marquee and it was great. We met his friends and we all cheered for each other's sons. The whole thing was over in about 45 minutes. They didn't want to go to the reception so we wandered round the campus taking photos in significant places.

My youngest daughter's ceremony was no more than an hour. We went to the reception and then went home for a doze and out to dinner with family friends in the evening.

I wouldn't have missed a minute of any of them. Even the boring one.

This massively gives her family more credit than they deserve. If you lower the bar to “they did the best they could” don’t be surprised if your experience is continually crap.

lol. Yes it was ridiculous! I think she thought it was funny, as well as being her way of expressing her pride. She’s kind of insistent about her eccentricity.

It’s a funny story, sadly the reality of a very self centred mother is not funny at all.

@GentlyDoesItt This is the problem is it not? By many accounts here, the graduation is all about them and how bored they are. Not much thought given to their graduate who has invited them and how they feel. All they wanted was a proud family for a few hours! What a selfish standpoint many have adopted.

Did they, though? Did they honestly do the best the could? It sounds like it to me. If your bar is higher than ‘doing the best they could’, where does that leave things?

I don’t think they were invited but they insisted on going. How could OP have told them not to? Situation was anticipated, duly came to pass, now it’s a case of ‘I told you so’. But the intention was good. I’d focus on that. And if there’s a next time, a firm “No! You definitely wouldn’t enjoy it.”

My Dad acted very similar to your mother at my graduation, insisted that he came - but wanted me to organise everything for him (directions, parking, where to sit etc) arrived late, hair still damp from his shower, brought my Gramdma (who didn’t have a ticket) then started getting loud when I explained I only had 3 tickets, so she couldn’t come in.

I booked a restaurant for afterwards as he said he wanted to take me & my DP out for a meal, so I told my DM (they are separated) we’d do something later in the week, and of course we arrived & he said “let’s just do drinks, your Grandma is tired”

I so worried about his behaviour in the venue & disappointed he didn’t want to celebrate I didn’t take the time to enjoy my achievement, makes me sad now,

I don't understand why you let them push you into attending. You know it would be dull for them and it was.

when I was 53 we attended DS's graduation. We all agreed it was mind numbingly boring and an absolute waste of money and we'd never do it again. I graduated the following year and DD two years after that. On both occasions we spent the money that would have been spent on the graduation ceremonies/gown hire etc and used it for private family celebrations instead.

I don't understand why you let them push you into attending. You know it would be dull for them and it was.

when I was 53 we attended DS's graduation. We all agreed it was mind numbingly boring and an absolute waste of money and we'd never do it again. I graduated the following year and DD two years after that. On both occasions we spent the money that would have been spent on the graduation ceremonies/gown hire etc and used it for private family celebrations instead.

Congratulations on your graduation!
I can't fathom adults who won't put themselves out for a couple of hours for someone they supposedly love. Its so immature.

You need to take your prescription drugs out of the meds draw and put them somewhere he won't find them.
Just leave paracetamol and ibuprofen in the meds draw (plus all the usual: antacids, non-codeine cold meds, antihistamines, whatever else you take from over-the-counter).

So many grown adults on this thread saying “well it’s boring so how could you expect them to behave?”

We have to endure boring things all the time. You do it because you love your family and want to celebrate them. Ultimately if you can’t get through a day without making it about yourself, you’re a crap family member.

Having Tramadol in the house isn't supplying but giving it to another person is.
(I'm a Pompous arse who is legally qualified)

I didn't supply it. I didn't know he'd taken it until after the ceremony. It was in with meds which also had ibuprofen and paracetamol which is what I thought he would take.

I told them what to expect, that I didn't think they'd enjoy it and I would rather not do it. THEY said it was important and they wanted to go, how I would regret not going. I thought they wanted to celebrate my achievements? I mean that's verbatim, I don't feel that makes me responsible for their awful behaviour. I won't be inviting to them to celebratory things in the future. I no longer celebrate my birthday with any of them.

The actual graduation ceremony is long and boring tbf, make the take you out for a meal or something to celebrate your achievement instead

Yes that's essentially how I spent the day, trying to bolster everyone and make sure they were happy. I wish I had blown them off and done something with friends! Lesson learnt!

I don't feel that's doing the best they could though. My 15 year old met us after school and came to the reception and was incredibly well behaved and genuinely lovely. He really showed the others up. They've all said I should be grateful they came, I didn't want them to, I didn't want to go and actually I feel that I'd really rather have not gone if they couldn't put their big girl pants on for three and a half hours.

I told them how bored they'd be! I explained the hour long ceremony and said it doesn't feel like something they'd enjoy. No one listened.

I’m sorry you felt let down. But graduations really are very boring… I didn’t go to my last one because they’re such a snooze. I also have never heard of anyone having a reception after or buying a new suit as a guest of a graduate.

Also tramadol is not for headaches… has he never heard of paracetamol?