AIBU to be really pissed off about their behaviour at my graduation?

[Nodramalama85]

It's the day after my graduation. Five years of study completed. I didn't want to go, I knew it would be emotional and I'd find it overwhelming. I also knew my family would be a nightmare but they all insisted that they wanted to celebrate my achievements and go.

Initially, my parter was great, bought a new suit, cuff links with my intials, held an umbrella over us both to collect my gown. My eldest son, turns up 30 mins before we are due to leave hungover, no dress shoes, fine whatever. My partner lends him a suit. Crisis averted. Mum arrives all good.

After the ceremony they tell me how boring it was, how they almost fell asleep once I'd been on, how my mum had asked how long it had left every 5 minutes and got really arsey towards the end. She even became irrational in the queue to get into the venue. My partner spent the entire day reminding my mum that the day was not about her. We then go to the reception. My partner is being really spacey and monosyllabic, he had taken some tramadol for his headache. These tablets makes him drowsy and absent. My son was constantly complaining about his hangover and my mum just complained about everything all day. Apparently, she didn't enjoy the ceremony but is happy she saw me graduate. They all acted like miserable wankers at the reception. I couldn't introduce them to anyone at the university. It was just an horrendous experience, they didn't look like they wanted to be there at all. We ended up leaving early even though I'd bought the tickets and the venue had a bar. They only had to behave like normal people for about three and a half hours in total. I feel so hurt that I was pressured into doing something I didn't want to do and that they then went out of their way to ruin it.

AIBU - at least they came!
You are not being unreasonable WTF?!

You should have left them in the bar and gone off to find your college friends.

But they are not wrong the ceremonies are boring and mind numbingly repetitive. No excuse to not enjoy the party afterwards though, why didn't your partner just take a couple of paracetamol so he wasn't spaced out?

I’ve only been to one, my own. No family came (their choice). It was very boring, even for me who knew most of the people on my course.

OP I think something like a graduation can really show you if the people in your life are on your team or not. It brings out a lot of jealousy I think. DH's parents didn't go to his graduation - they said it was too far to come (he's from continental Europe) and acted like because it isn't a thing in their country it just didn't matter. I could never get my head around that. Who woild say no to being invited to share in their son's life in that way? I really think it was my FIL, he's one of those guys that everything has to be about him, and he never had the chance to go to university because he had to work in the family business, and don't we all know it. Some people see their family's success as their own success, and want to lift them up - and some see them as rivals. You're moving on to a new place in your life OP, maybe they can see that. Maybe they don't want you to leave them in the distance. But if they did want that they are going about it in the best way.

It’s a great shame that they didn’t know how to behave, but having sat through too many, TBH people need to be aware that graduation ceremonies are generally mind-numbingly boring! except for that one minute when your own relative goes up to receive their handshake and a rolled up bit of paper.

Thry behaved badly, but graduation ceremonies are really boring, but you just sit quietly and contemplate your navel. The best bits are the before and afters! The main thing is you’ve got your degree and you can go forward in life.

Ugh grown adults can't do you proud for one day, I sat through my mums graduation as a young kid with my younger sister and it sounds like we behaved better! Yeah of course its long and you don't care about the other graduates as much as your own family member but you represent them and yourself well by celebrating the achievement.

It's really disappointing when these sort of days are ruined, reminded me of when I didn't want my mum to come to the open day of my uni end of year exhibition as we all had a job to do that day and I was working the shop and knew she'd take offence at not having my undivided attention, and yeah she did. She'd silently fumed and built herself up to feel hard done by and then when I was free I was chatting to a few friends and my tutor and said this is my mum, and she just furiously shouted IM GOING and marched out of the exhibition. I still remember the surprised and pitying looks from them at this display. She only apologised when I sat sobbing after her verbal tirade in public when I caught up to her, because I'd done two all nighters previously and was already exhausted, notnusually a cryer.

Some people can't seem to realise they aren't the main character all the time.

This. I voted that you are being unreasonable because you knew what would happen and it did.

I think the person you are probably most annoyed with is yourself?

Congratulations on the degree, have a nice night out with DP to celebrate 🥳

Are you the first in your family to graduate OP? My mother and grandmother combined together to do their active best to sabotage my graduation. It made the day miserable and my face is swollen from crying in all the photos.

Looking back, they weren’t proud of me as I thought they would and should be. They were jealous that I had achieved something they hadn’t been able to. Because they had fought so hard to make sure I was the first in the family to have the opportunity, I thought they’d be thrilled. Instead they were resentful. I had gotten ideas about myself above my station, apparently.

This was my thought too!

OP has literally already said exactly that though?

She knew it was going to be boring, everyone knows that. She didn't expect them to come bounding out of the ceremony going "that was better than watching fast and the furious, can we go to another one?"

She just wanted them to not repeatedly moan about how boring it was to her!

Not to mention she wasn't even with them during the ceremony - all the bad behaviour she's actually complaining about took place afterwards at the reception which is basically just a celebratory drink and chat with each other, if they find that too boring how do they cope with everyday normal life?

Tramadol is a class C controlled drug in the UK.
Supply of Tramadol without a prescription is a criminal offence.
I do hope you reflect on your illegal action in supplying a dangerous drug.
(I hope you weren't graduating in Medicine or Law)

If your DP is prone to migraines then he needs to see his own GP and get his own appropriate medication. Taking your prescription opioids is not on.

They are very boring to be fair. 🤷‍♀️

Of course it's boring! How out of touch with the real world does one have to be for that to be a surprise.

Weddings are boring
Funerals are boring
Work conferences are boring
Flights are boring

However there is an expectation of behaviour in these circumstances to remain a functioning member of society. If you're not able to behave and be proud of your children are you really a decent parent?

If my family behaved like yours did I would reciprocate their behaviour and not put myself in circumstances that I don't want to be in i.e their company

BTW my mother was a total cow about my graduation - refused to allow my then DP (now DH) to attend with her, and was a demanding whatsit all day. So I feel you on that front.

You anticipated it being a bit of a shit show and it was; and on the plus side, they wanted to come because they love you; they trust your relationship enough to be completely honest with you; and, it’s not likely to happen again anytime soon. I’d put it behind you and move on. Don’t make a bad thing worse by dwelling on how they ‘let you down’ when they were just being themselves. I doubt many families went home saying they’d had an amazing time. You could try to reframe it as you have a parent, a partner and a child who love you enough to want to be there to celebrate your achievement and showed up for you as best they could.

There are some things in life that are not the most interesting! You do them out of respect and love for the person you are supporting. What does a few hours matter when the person you are supporting has worked for years and years for their degree? I’d be ashamed and angry about their behaviour.

OP - you need to make the most of your degree and leave your family to their low standards. Get a fantastic job and make the most of what you have achieved. Some families don’t get it and don’t let them hold you back. Go for it!

YANBU. Sounds rubbish for you

can you express that to them (in a light humorous if possible, easier said than done I know!)

Graduations incredibly boring if we are being honest. I had three of my own , three for one daughter and two for another it's only interesting for that 30 seconds when your own child receives theirs then you have to sit through everyone else just shaking hands.abd so many long speeches while say in uncomfortable chairs

The best bit was just me and the family going for cocktails after all the tedium.

I'm sorry you were disappointed though , and congratulations

@Maddy70 When guests are invited it’s not about them though. It’s about the person graduating. Arriving hung over, not being with op to meet other graduates and complaining is bad manners. We all find some things boring but it’s important to shut up and join in.

I didnt go to my own graduation aged 21 as I knew it would be crap.

Sorry this happened OP.

Don’t be ridiculous. Having tramafol in the house isn’t supplying an illegal drug. Pompous arse.

im sorry these selfish people spoiled your day op. Big congratulations from me. What an achievement!

I guess you already knew your dm is a nightmare. And your DS is young and foolish. Your DP is the real problem here. That is a dick move of the highest order. What would annoy - apart from taking my drugs, something that spaces him out etc and all of that highly dodgy stuff - is the pathetic bullshit he’s coming out with now. Does he think you were born yesterday? He’s an addict. End of.

Graduations are very, very boring. Apart from my undergrad degree when I was 21, I’ve not bothered going to mine. My son got his master’s last year and none of us went.

Congrats though.

For mine, my mum insisted on rattling a football rattle around as I walked across the stage. I asked her not to, but nothing I said made any difference.

Some people a) don’t know how to behave, and b) don’t understand that not everything is about them.

You have my sympathies. It’s really hard when it’s your own family.

he wanted to feel nice and relaxed during the day.

So he stole and took your prescription drugs so he could feel out of it for your graduation?! What a prince among men 🙄