To think current concerns over screen time is bordering hysteria

[Tiredboymum22]

I think it’s over the top.

If my kids didnt have screens, nothing would get done. I’m mostly solo parenting. Family can’t babysit, husband works late 6 days a week. Childcare costs are through the roof.

I have a 6-year-old with ASD and a very hyperactive toddler. Eldest is obsessed with numbers and Minecraft, uninterested in his little brother a lot of the time. Up at 4.30 am most mornings too. I give my toddler the tablet when I’m trying to cook or tidy up (once he’s done playing with his toys).

I am criticised by older members of my family and told I should let him “help me” cook. Sorry but no.

Now I’m seeing countless articles and comments about the harm of too much screen time, but I think people are missing a lot of nuance.

aibu?

Whilst much of the focus on screen time has been about children especially early years, I think the impacts may go on throughout life. Loneliness among older people especially has known health effects, and if the basics of socialising and time spent with others is reduced or lost because people are behind a screen, it may be something affecting a wide range of ages.

What rot!

(Actual solo parent here.)

You are making excuses.

I agree there weren’t iPads but most families had a tv in the 90s! I did and I wasn’t well off!

Watching tv is quite different from using a handheld device, though. Your posture is different, for a start. And tv wasn't available 24/7 when I was growing up, and you couldn't carry it around with you. And before remote controls you couldn't sit on the sofa flipping through the channels.

And watching old drama series on YouTube, it's noticeable that viewers were expected to have longer attention spans. Scenes were longer and characters had extended conversations.

I use the internet a lot as a research tool in my professional capacity. It has huge benefits in that respect. But I also recognise the potential for time wasting, the temptation to reach for a device and scroll rather than doing something more productive. And I do know better. Children who are given devices when they've barely learned to talk have no chance.

Smartphones and tablets have commonplace for kids for about 15 years.

There were plenty of 2-working parent families before that. The majority in fact.

People act like prior to 2000 or even later were halcyon days with Mums all being SAMH and all families were living on one income.

They weren't.

The last time single income families were more commonplace than not was the 60s.

And it wasn't the norm for working class families where women usually had to work.

My son and husband both have ADHD, it's one of the reasons we are so strict about screen time. It's an instant dopamine hit which is even more difficult for a child with ADHD to put down. DH as someone managing ADHD also likes that we have no screens at the table, TV is off and no phones during meals, if we are watching a film together or playing a board game etc phones are on the coffee table not in our hands. DS has no small screen at all, no tablet and we've never let him use our phones, he doesn't have TV during the week, between school, homework and activities there isn't really time anyway tbh. He watches a little at the weekends but mostly things we all watch together, he loves Lego masters for example or gladiators. He's 7.

I don't think the general public does well with nuance and, in general, screens are bad for kids. Public health advice needs to be simplistic and straightforward. Of course there are exceptions, kids with SEND using them for regulation come to mind. But most kids would be better off without the use of a personal device so I fully support that being the advice. My kids are 7 and 3 and neither of them have ever used a tablet or phone, I fundamentally believe that choice has been in their best interests.

I think this is why we have an explosion of anxious and otherwise fucked-up kids checking out of society for a life indoors on benefits, kids starting school not knowing how to "use" a book etc etc

Parents are screwing up their kids with screens for a quiet life and probably to buy themselves some doomscrolling time. 6 and 2 years old FFS! I'm a single parent and don't find it necessary.

But then there's DC like my 15 yr old who wasn't allowed any screens as a toddler, watched very limited TV (it would get switched on for a specific programme then switched off again), didn't get his own tablet until secondary age, still has parental controls and time limits on all his devices, no YouTube allowed except on family PC in living room, only certain games allowed in order to stop him getting hyper, made to go on lots of walks and play outside and entertain himself with old school stuff like colouring and toys that don't take batteries and reading a lot of books...

...still ADHD as fuck 😬

Mind you I am absolutely certainly that if he had been given unrestricted access to screens from a young age he would struggle far more than he already does with regulation and attention.

I think the trouble is is that 'screens' have evolved over the years. Yes, we had a TV and a computer when I was a kid. I spent many hours on both though I did also read or play. I don't remember 'screen time' really being a thing.

I got given my first phone young but it made calls and it sent texts, there was no major temptation to always be on it. Also back then I remember going on children's websites - Club Penguin, Stardoll, Neopets etc. Most sites for kids these days have either been shut down or games like Roblox get overrun by adults.

Over Christmas I had a teenage relative round and we were playing a video game together. Whenever it wasn't his turn he was on his phone - there had to be some kind of stimulation at all times. I've found if we have to wait for something even out and about his phone is straight in his hand and he's on TikTok.

I don't think the solution is to ban all screens but it is a conversation that needs to be had because a lot of these kids are addicted and it's worrying.

Nonsense! Do your research and stop judging mothers of children with Autism until you’ve tried to raise an autistic child alone! Screens for many autistic kids are their way of letting off steam after a day of conforming to societal expectations and can be their way of stimming; In fact quite often, they are the only way they can switch off.

This rubbish narrative of “how do you think we managed before xyz?” Is completely meaningless as we live in the here & now! If you want to live in the past, with zero modern technology then go for it! But don’t expect the rest of us to raise our kids perpetually in the 70s, 80s or 90s. Society moves on. Yes I remember the 80s well and life was a lot easier & simpler but those days have gone.
There’s nothing wrong with screens in moderation

I think monitored TV and computer games are a bit different to giving toddlers iPads and tweens and teens smartphones.

Mumsnet is utterly obsessed with 'screens' and is convinced that anything involving a screen is going to melt their child's brain.

In reality, the term 'screens' is basically meaningless. A child (or an adult) might be using a screen to do any number of things which are all completely different activities and have completely different impacts and values. But half of Mumsnet just assumes all screen use is 'mindless scrolling', just like it assumes all gaming involves sitting slack-jawed in a dark room shooting things over and over again or racing round a virtual track for 14 hours at a stretch.

It's a bit like when people in the 70s used to insist that 'television' was ruining kids' brains, as if the experience of watching a game show or Pebble Mill At One was somehow exactly the same as watching Jacob Bronowksi's The Ascent Of Man or a televised play by one of the nation's most esteemed dramatists, or Newsnight.

Yes, some things that can be done on some devices are probably not great for kids. Scrolling TikTok or watching endless unboxing videos or scripted reality on YouTube or going down rabbit holes of AI misinformation on Facebook almost certainly isn't good for your kids. But other things they can do on screens include chatting with their friends, playing puzzle and strategy games that require a ton of thought and problem-solving, reading books, creating artwork, learning, watching a film or an episode of a TV series that has a great story, making music, making videos and animations, listening to music, and any number of other things.

The majority of kids are going to need to be very, very comfortable engaging with technology if they're going to be functional, useful adults, because that is how the world works now. Absolutely, make sure you're aware what your child is using 'screens' for, but the anti-screen hysteria is just weird panic and doesn't have much rooting in reality.

They used to say reading was bad for young women and would corrupt them. Same with TV. I used to laugh, but given the state of society today I do sometimes wonder whether they were right!

Joking - screen time is fine if they are using multiple apps (Kindle, educational apps, along side games and streaming). I think its more about monitoring what they are doing on them and who with rather than screen time per sé.

But TV couldn't come with you and also kids' TV was also on for very limited times of the day. I do think in that regard it was actually easier for 90s parents - my parents didn't have to have boundaries or rules around screen time, we could put it on whenever someone else wasn't using it, but in practice the times that it was free AND there was actually something we wanted to watch imposed a natural reasonable limit. We did have some videos, but again the choice was so limited that it wasn't very appealing compared to the almost limitless possibilities of streaming. We also ended up watching stuff that we didn't and wouldn't have chosen but which was actually probably loosely beneficial, e.g. quiz shows, the news.

My kids were absolutely horrified when we stayed in a holiday home and only had CBeebies - they couldn't pick what programme to watch! For them the TV is machine that is capable of delivering whatever they want to watch whenever they want, and it's only us being mean having boundaries around it that stops that. We don't have tablets in the house, but 'watching TV' isn't the same thing for them as it was in the 90s.

The increase in ADHD can be attributed to increased understanding of female diagnosis and ‘they invented the telescope and suddenly there were more stars’ awareness.

My dd attended an ND centre connected to the children’s hospital. It was full of psychologists, Pyschiatrists etc all working with ND children. Their take on increased diagnosis was:

More awareness
Imcreased understanding of females
Lockdown, lack of socialisation due to lockdown and Covid.

Screens weren’t really considered. They also suggested using screens to calm. This was in a place stuffed full of people with Pyschology doctorates in Neurodiversity.

DGS was 2 on Boxing Day. He doesn’t have screen time at all. No tv, no phone, tablet, nothing and imo it shows. His speech is excellent, he’s been talking in sentences for at least 6 months, he can play by himself, he absolutely loves books and is very chilled.

We never restricted screen time when our two got iPads, but they were about 15&17 by then which is vastly different to giving a tablet to a baby/toddler with a developing brain.

Children at 2/3/4 year old was not hear in covid that was years ago.
Its called lazy parenting.

Covid and SEN seem to be the blame for everything but not the parents.

I know people that have a 2 year old and blame screen time on covid, the kid was not hear duing them times.

@Pricelessadvice @wishingonastar101What an absolutely ignorant thought process! There is no ‘rise’ in ASD or ADHD ffs - critical thinking anyone?! - It’s simply that awareness is now widespread and consequently diagnosis is much more easily sought! I was diagnosed with ADHD in 1988 at 4 years old and I’d never looked at a single screen then! 🤦🏼‍♀️ The first documented case of what we now know as Autism, was in the 1700s ffs! How do you blame that one on screens then? Time travel? 😆

I do agree with this - I hate the having to enforce the rules aspect and picking what’s appropriate on YouTube or games/limiting time etc and that’s something that’s new to this generation of kids.

If the tv companies made the rules at least they can be scapegoated and our children don’t hate us for it!

One of the comments above nails it. This is about a clear and simple public health message, not the minutia of individual circumstances. And the evidence indicates that higher screen use in under 5s is linked with poorer vocabulary skills (amongst other things). And, as it’s impossible to factor in all confounders (I’d hazard a bet a child with two professional parents who has access to toys and books but who also happens to watch 4 hours of a TV a day will still do better than a child in poverty with no access to toys/books who watches 4 hours of TV a day), the message just needs to be how impotant it is to reduce screen time as much as possible. It’ll be interesting to see what the advice will actually be when the under 5s strategy comes out.

I think there's screen time and then there's Screen Time. Watching a programme or playing a solo game is fine. But uncensored internet and social messaging is a different ballgame and can be harmful. Also short bursts of info like condensed video can cause attention span issues.
I'm in my late 50s and grew up with lots of TV (and being told I'd get square eyes), plus I was interested in programming computers and played a lot of the early video games. None of that was harmful, TV was age appropriate, video games if played with friends were played on a console in the same room and contact was in person or over the phone, so home was a safe space from bullies.

I have 2 kids, one has ADHD one asd except they are adults now, do tablets and smartphones didn’t exist. I had very little help, lived abroad, exh worked 60 hours a week or more and I managed to cook dinner, clean etc without a tablet. Yes I did have a tv which they had for a maximum of 2 hours per day, they didn’t go to daycare but were in a programme for additional needs from 2 for 2.5 hours per day 4 days a week. Screens really are bad for kids, the evidence is clear, find other diversions

Parenting by screen is just lazy and creates ill-mannered kids with no focus and who expect to be entertained 24-7. Letting them have them without very strict boundaries is creating a rod for your own back. I've always had a strong suspicion that lots of the kids whose parents now think they have ADHD just have attention spans shot to pieces by too much screen time. (And I say that as an adult with an ADHD diagnosis myself before anyone comes at me! As someone who already struggles with focus, exposure to screens makes it a lot worse.)

Just because the truth is uncomfortable to hear doesn’t make it any less true.

I completely understand that you feel the screens are a necessary part of life, but the harmful effects of screens are becoming ever more apparent. It’s isn’t hysteria. But that must be difficult to hear and accept when you depend on them to do necessary tasks, especially as a single mum. It’s a rock and a hard place.

My nephews mum recently reduced his screentime because the family said the kid was addicted (he wasn't). Now that he's more 'active' and without screens, he's more noisy/boisterous when we meet; those same people think he should learn to sit still and stay quiet at all times. It's so weird.

Meanwhile some of my older nieces/nephews/cousins will sit in the same room on phones scrolling endlessly on TikTok and saying nothing... But apparently it's okay because they are older. I don't see how that's right either.

I'm just confused. My own kids have set screen times but usually will have a screen when I know my family will be annoying about them making noise/acting like smaller kids. But this might change as I don't want them to grow into teens who only know their phones when in company.