To think current concerns over screen time is bordering hysteria

[Tiredboymum22]

I think it’s over the top.

If my kids didnt have screens, nothing would get done. I’m mostly solo parenting. Family can’t babysit, husband works late 6 days a week. Childcare costs are through the roof.

I have a 6-year-old with ASD and a very hyperactive toddler. Eldest is obsessed with numbers and Minecraft, uninterested in his little brother a lot of the time. Up at 4.30 am most mornings too. I give my toddler the tablet when I’m trying to cook or tidy up (once he’s done playing with his toys).

I am criticised by older members of my family and told I should let him “help me” cook. Sorry but no.

Now I’m seeing countless articles and comments about the harm of too much screen time, but I think people are missing a lot of nuance.

aibu?

“How do you think people coped before they could give their kid a screen?”

All the research shows that parents, including mothers, spent far less time each day with their kids 30+ years ago than now. There wasn’t the expectation to be your kids entertainer back then. So if they were 6 or older you’d throw them outdoors for the day or expect them to get on with their own fun and leave you alone to do the chores. Younger than that? Play pen. Nowadays you’re a bad parent if you’re not sat playing board games with them all day, but in reality this was not the norm in the old days.

I was a kid over thirty years ago and it’s a bit of a myth that we were all running free in packs. I went round to neighbours and we did okay out but timings were strict and we were mostly in mine or the neighbours garden. What I actually do was spend enormous times with both parents and grew up garnering with them, shopping with them, going to church with them, going to work with them on days when I was off and they weren’t, going to their friends with them and doing jobs with them - all sorts from spraying weedkiller, mixing window putty to polishing the woodwork. And while we’re were doing all this we were chatting away.

Depends on the screen time. A bit of tv is fine. Games like Roblox are brain rotting, concentration rotting rubbish and no young child should be playing them.

Sorry for the typos- can’t find my glasses!

Absolutely.

(And absolutely to your post above too but I can only quote 1 post).

I think there is hysteria over TV, we watched TV in the 90's and it didnt cause lasting damage. But I dont like tablets. As someome who myself is prone to becoming addicted to video games I know how much that sort of device can take over your brain.

No it isn't. That's a ridiculous blanket statement. Every child is different.

My youngest (now 14) autistic/learning disabled/ADHD impulsive profile) has had age appropriate access to an iPad since he was 5 - We set careful limits on content/apps/etc. All devices downstairs overnight and not after dinner but have never limited his usage outside of this.

The result seems to be that he uses it when he needs it and his usage changes depending on his regulation needs (eg will watch train announcements when he feels overloaded or old Peppa pig episodes) and looks for new content when he is interested in something. Or logs into his school accounts to catch up on some maths or English.

We have had no arguments over his usage at all (and he is now 14) - he will happily put it down to join in a family game, go for a walk, empty the dishwasher or engage in a creative activity) - he puts it down when he's had enough and heads off to find something else to do - or asks someone in the house to engage with him for something else - his access to his iPad has only ever been a positive thing for him.

He uses it to take photographs, to take videos of himself practising role play dialogues, to play with Google maps and street view and explore the world, to plan imaginary journeys or find out about trains all over the world. To watch videos of kids doing kid things (the ethics of that is a whole other discussion though) - sometimes he will flick through shorts quickly, other times he will watch the same video multiple times and can recite pretty much all the local train announcements.

He can access music and a wide range of audio books whenever he wants (given his reading skills are still developing this has been vital in terms of developing his literacy - literacy being a wide range of storytelling mediums not just the reading type which is a very myopic version of true literacy

It has given his access to 'social currency' in the form of train information to bond with peers and also wider cultural trends eg kpop demon hunters - which gives him a point to connect with others away from the screen. He has learned the foundations for basic coding, how to plan journeys across London, make a photo book with Canva, digitally manipulate photographs and even basic password management.

We have recently given him limited access to a mobile phone to teach him how to use it - again with strict parental controls on times - and after an initial period of over indulgence - he has settled into a pattern where he self regulated his usage and the checking of messages etc.

His use of 'screens' has only ever been a positive for him

And with regards to the detrimental effects on screen usage on behaviour in classrooms - there is also lots of evidence to suggest that the screens are a red herring (see Andrew Pryzbylski of University of Oxford)

Current educational research would suggest that we are actually in a middle state between two different types of education. There is a big shift happening from the more punitive hierarchal models that gave the teacher command and control based on their job title to models that see education as a flatter, more collaborative structure with the teacher respected because of their expertise and their ability to shape behaviour though a relational model.

Basically the old models of teaching don't work in our current world (for a variety of complex reasons) so there is a big skill gap to build the teaching system needed for the future (UCLs Social Emotional Learning) - which sees the future of teaching as being based on expertise, restorative, integrated flatter models and much more collaborative.

Sorry for the essays - it's something I feel quite passionate about.

But basically banning 'screens' (and what does that even mean really) isn't the answer (or even the problem really) - but we do need to do some hard work as a society to respond to the changing structures that are being brought about by the technology around us - not disimilar to the shifts caused by the industrial revolution. When we look back we will see this as the same 'moral panic' caused by all big technology shifts. But what we can do is work to build more socially and emotionally aware structures in parenting, education and work to protect us.

DD2 is 17 - but had tablet around 7-8 years old earlier than her siblings and I did find it harder to police than downstairs TV - but it was a fire tablet so there were books games, audio books downloaded TV shows DH gave her access - so access was very limited. They also played minecraft in from room - gave DS especially something to connect to others with - and- and like TV was often a group sibling effort.

She was Y6 s at start of Covid and felt much more isolated till secondary than only slightly older siblings when her friends and her had more access to each other via electronic means - I can see the difference in that she was using those earlier and more than only slightly older siblings. I think covid changed patterns of usage of screens for many.

I think a lot of really bad parenting and adverse social changes like less playing out and even cuts to early years services for kids who need extra support- are being hidden behind issue of screens - or more precisely screen overuse.

I’m not saying for some children the damage isn’t reasonably limited (they’d still be better off without it).

My point is the number of parents of neurodiverse children who say “He/she needs the screen to regulate themselves”

This imo is incorrect and very harmful to their longer term success as a neurodiverse adult.

I don’t give my toddler my phone or a tablet - the only time we’ve ever used one is on a flight as a last resort when he watched a couple of episodes of Bluey / Thomas the Tank. (He does watch some TV).

I can see the temptation for some parents, this morning I had to wait 20 mins for pharmacist, in a big, busy shop. I was frazzled with a fractious toddler, trying to get him into his pram for safety and entertain him with snacks, toy cars and a sticker book. Two other kids were sitting happily watching something on screens, one in pram one on dad’s lap. No one was tutting at them, but they were at me and my little boy.

Honestly I do find the dads the worst at just handing small kids a phone to keep them quiet.

I still won’t resort to screens, and am old enough to ignore the tutting but I can understand why some parents use the tool they have available in their pocket.

I can see the temptation for some parents, this morning I had to wait 20 mins for pharmacist, in a big, busy shop. I was frazzled with a fractious toddler, trying to get him into his pram for safety and entertain him with snacks, toy cars and a sticker book. Two other kids were sitting happily watching something on screens, one in pram one on dad’s lap. No one was tutting at them, but they were at me and my little boy.

Thats' not new - I was busy being judged for reading or play and talking with my kids waiting for activties to end for others or in shops while other parents shoved something on their phones for kids to watch and stay quiet with and ignored kids and chatted to others.

How do you know that every child who has benefitted in some way from a screen, such as that PPs experience with her child would be better off without it?

The screen gave that child a way to connect that they wouldn't have had previously. The parents monitored the usage and ensured it was appropriate and it's helped someone.

Not all screen use is bad. Not all screen use is detrimental. There's so many other changes to the world that have happened that blaming everything bad on screens is wrong. Moderate use of technology for the right things is ok. Over use and over exposure to the wrong things, obviously bad.

I was a small child in the 60’s and I promise I was never tied up so that my mum could do the washing ! I remember wash day quite well, twin tub machines, wringers, washing hanging up everywhere. Me and my siblings just played, I’ve never heard of any child being tied up !

So if the 2 adults that are waiting for diagnosis have ADHD, it might be worth asking their parents he they coped without screens. It would make an interesting comparison

I was never tied up in the 70 s nor heard of it happening to anyone else. I was however given jobs to do. Shelling peas, pairing socks folding towels etc

I loved the twin tub. Would have one ne if I had the space

All children are neurodiverse.

I can think of much worse things for children who are neurodivergent.

I am saying giving a neurodiverse child a screen to help them regulate their emotions instead of teaching them how to do this is deeply unhelpful.

I’m not sure how else I can put it so you’ll understand!

I understand that point and am not opposing it, screens to regulate aren't great. But you were responding to someone who said that it gave massive benefits to their ND son and I'm questioning this this sentence which came before the point you keep trying to hammer home:

*Jade3450 · Today 12:46

I’m not saying for some children the damage isn’t reasonably limited (they’d still be better off without it).*

How do you know that the children for whom there are benefits would be better off without it? That the benefits don't outweigh the negatives?

You’re confusing online gaming (where it requires active participation, strategic thinking, communication and collaboration) , with screen time where children sit passively on social media growing zero skills where they are subjected to constant comparison, algorithmic manipulation, advertising age inappropriate products I’m thinking make up and anti aging creams etc.. non of which your children would have been subjected to playing computer games. Nevermind those social media chat platforms where children open to bullying. In the past, before smart phones, bullying usually stopped as soon as you left school because the bully couldn’t reach you. Thanks to social media now, children are vulnerable now and can be targeted any time of the day.

Yeah l agree with the first bit.

But they had MSN and Beebo and Myspace.

But research also suggests that those that have screen time from an early age are early readers and early mathematicians so it depends what research you use.
My kids had their own tablets from 2 years old. All 3 started reception reading at an age level of 8 and could do times tables up to 12x all learnt through educational apps.

Who cares what they think? We all have been told bad things about screens. We all have to live day to day with pressures and make choices.
However, we don’t all have the SAME 24 hours. Some of us have children with complex needs who unless you’ve experienced what this is like you have no right to comment or judge. Some of us are solo and working, some unable to work because of caring roles. If everyone just minded their own business and showed kindness, I can’t help think that things would be better for everyone. They could even ask if everything is ok or do you need help? You do what you need to get by. If screens become an issue then do something about it then. If it’s working for you all currently, ignore the critical judgments.

Do you seriously think people would call social services because kids are playing in the street??? Get a life!