To think current concerns over screen time is bordering hysteria

[Tiredboymum22]

I think it’s over the top.

If my kids didnt have screens, nothing would get done. I’m mostly solo parenting. Family can’t babysit, husband works late 6 days a week. Childcare costs are through the roof.

I have a 6-year-old with ASD and a very hyperactive toddler. Eldest is obsessed with numbers and Minecraft, uninterested in his little brother a lot of the time. Up at 4.30 am most mornings too. I give my toddler the tablet when I’m trying to cook or tidy up (once he’s done playing with his toys).

I am criticised by older members of my family and told I should let him “help me” cook. Sorry but no.

Now I’m seeing countless articles and comments about the harm of too much screen time, but I think people are missing a lot of nuance.

aibu?

I do quite a lot of technology assistance in my job, and I have actually found that the younger people and teens are not particularly computer savvy overall. They are quite good at using phones, apps, and navigating social media. But they are poor at really understanding how computers work, they seem less likely than even people my age (50) were to know programming languages or have used them, and most struggle with finding good quality information online.

Sorry, there is no excuse for giving a toddler (or any child, really) an iPad for hours. Perhaps some TV with a kiddy programme on, and then play- draw- Lego -puzzles. Research is right. Placing a screen in front of a child is more difficult than organising other kinds of entertainment, but that's life if you choose to be a mother. My son is fifteen and still gets very little screen time. I have to nudge him frequently, and I often end up playing dice/cards with him, even if I have other things to do. It's called parenting. My choice. I wish more people thought about such issues before falling pregnant.

For all the parents of older gamers who are successful adults, gaming HAS become more addictive and problematic. Just a quick google search will tell you that, I personally don’t want an addicted child hooked on dopamine hits. There is a big reason why many parents who work in the gaming industry seriously cut down the time their own children are on screens. They know the dangers and don’t allow their own children unfettered access, while we stick PS5’s/VRs/ipads in our children’s bedrooms and laugh when we haven’t seen our kids all day other than to request food, and I have spent MANY conversations with other parents along these lines.

And then we wonder why our children are struggling in school or becoming school refusers?

It’s bonkers!

As for toddlers/preschoolers and screen time there have been increased issues with speech and language that have occurred on the back of increased screen time (along with other factors). It’s a HUGE concern and not just in deprived areas but across the social spectrum. I don’t know a teacher who isn’t concerned about the changes in children in the last ten years or so, we can’t put our fingers in our ears about this.

I am a gamer and so are my DC.
I actively encourage screen time because it has amazing cognitive benefits, builds resilience and develops social skills etc.

Surgeons and pilots are encouraged to play video games because of the benefits it gives them.

I don’t buy into the hysteria that sitting too close to the TV gives you square eyes etc.

However, like anything it’s all about moderation.

Screens can affect sleep.
They can also reduce the amount of exercise and fresh air you get.
They can be addictive resulting in less sleep, fresh air, exercise etc.

I have also seen many ASD kids who’ve developed deformed wrists or spines because they’re sitting in 1 position too long.

I have seen many school refusers who are allowed to just game all day and that really makes me sad because that is purely lazy parenting.

Screens are fine and are actually really beneficial - if used correctly and in moderation.

Yes true but it was still seen as a disgrace of a no good pastime up until snooker was popularised on TV.

Adult use of screens should be scrutinised too. Funny that only last week I was listening to a podcast which is now going live on YouTube because that platform feels like it's losing out on podcast revenue and has missed a trick. As I've already said I believe adult use of screens in the home is just as damaging if not more so

Exactly this.

I understand that the old way has worked for you which is great. However our children live in a different world. Just to get a job post uni for many careers means endless online testing before making an interview. I strongly believe that greater familiarity with screens, keyboards and online applications has helped those who have this experience to progress. Of course when they go to work they will learn new skills as you have done but I believe pre-existing online skills can give them early confidence and lead to faster development. From my own experience, I am not convinced that spending time online adversely affects social skills, in fact it can provide a safe space for those with for example ADHD to engage with others. I am sure there are some examples of issues online affecting children badly but there are also issues on the streets. I am concerned that we blame going online for everything and we then take draconian action which will have a negative effect. To be honest that fact that we managed it without computers is not really a fair comparison with the world our children are in now.

The single parent card is ridiculous. I was a single parent to 3DC ages 9, 6 and 3. One has AuDHD. Worked almost full time.

I cooked, tidied and did everything else without resorting to screens.

You do realise the reason they can’t play nicely and amuse themselves is BECAUSE of the screen time?

This is very true and very interesting.

You are thinking of yourself and not your kids.

Some screen time clearly isn’t an issue. Reading some of the comments like not being able to cook/clean/calm/do anything unless their child is on a screen can be where the problem starts. Kids can become reliant on it. Then they expect it and often parents are oblivious to the amount of time it’s being used. You look around and some kids need it at restaurants or they can’t finish a meal, clearly it can be helpful particularly if a child has neurodiversity but for many it’s that reduced ability to be with their family and enjoy that social interaction. Once they hit teens they need it for social activities and it we are being honest kids get phones a lot younger because we want to keep them safe. Yet I walk down the street and see so many walking with their eyes glued to a screen. They don’t look for cars or people and their awareness is gone. Then it leads to the apps where people bully, parents often are clueless about what their child is accessing on line and kids think their lives need to be lived through likes and videos on social media, posting their most vulnerable moments for the world to judge, which we do and sometimes unkindly. They watch content where people can say what they want and regardless of the danger that could be there or the brainwashing involved (like toxic masculinity) they believe it wholeheartedly because that’s what they saw on the screen. So yeah screens aren’t a problem generally but that innocent screen time can and does turn into something far more complex.

They absolutely can play nice but the witching hour after a full day at school and nursery they struggle to and that’s when I have to cook, plate up and serve the dinner. So that’s when we have our screen time. Then screens go away and dinner is eaten and there aren’t screens before bed. It’s about a balance not making your life harder because you are terrified that an hour of screen time will developmentally destroy your children

Honestly, you’d think I’d said I tie them up in the basement 🙄

No, it's not.

My MIL tells us stories constantly about how her three boys would regularly have "silent fights" so she couldn't hear them. And the occasions where one of them nearly killed another.

The eldest of them is 50 this year so clearly didn't grow up with screens like they are these days.

My mum and her brother would fight constantly. Also no screens and barely any TV as they grew up very poor.

DD has screen time, not constantly and the type is monitored (because of content on things like YouTube, so she's not allowed that and so on). She's delightful. She can entertain herself beautifully. She helps me cook, we're outside a lot, she reads/is read to. She mostly loves to paint.

The tablet is a really useful tool for her to learn things like her numbers, letters etc and has some games that she loves which will mean if I really need ten minutes (toilet or shower maybe), she's happily settled in the corner of the sofa while I do this.

Screens are not the root of all evil in kids. Like most things, too much can be bad, but some can be good.

So screens are to stop kids nearky killing each other!

How on earth is that what you took from that!?

This was in response to someone saying that screens were the reason kids behaved badly. I was pointing out kids behaved badly before screens were a thing.

Please learn to read. There's some useful apps on tablets for that 😜

90% of the time, screens are the reason for behaviour, particularly angry/aggressive/unregulated behaviour.

That doesn't mean siblings never fought before the iPad was invented. Siblings have fought since the dawn of time.

The two things are not mutually exclusive.

Please can you quote your source for the 90% figure because that seems high.

Kids have always behaved badly. Blaming screens for 90% of it seems like a bit of a cop out.

There's obviously a correlation between too much screen time and some problems in children. I'd be very surprised to see a study that proves that moderate screen time for educational or downtime purposes is causing 90% of behavioural problems in children.

Thinking about this in Aldi last night - there was a boy of about five sat in the trolley, eyes glued to a cartoon all the way round the shop. It is just a snap shot but actually the whole screen thing is so overly indulged . It is so poor compared to the alternative - chatting, reading labels, counting, fetching and learning to be quiet and to behave and to wait a minute. Both were missing out and sure it could have been a random fifteen mins and he went home and helped unpack and put away then helped lay the table or chop some veg but I bet he went and sat alone while his mum did that. I think we tolerate phone and iPads with games and scrolling content way too much. A bit of watching is no bigger than issue but the endless pacification as nd disengagement from live and chat is appalling.

Colloquial use of 90%. It means "a lot of" or "most".

Still, have you got any evidence to back up that most bad behaviour is caused by moderate use of screens these days, compared to in the past when it was just siblings fighting?

It's a very big claim if there's not actually anything backing it up.

Some bad behaviour, sure. Most? Unlikely to be just screen related.

It's youre life if its causing issues you can do something i think social media is the problem with kids

A lot of online spaces are unsafe for children and ND children are far more at risk of exploitation online. I appreciate what you say about the need for kids to be tech literate, but there is a big difference between kids learning computing skills and social media.

We had to remove DS2's smartphone a couple of years ago because he was talking to strangers online despite multiple attempts by us to educate him about the dangers and his sports club's online safety sessions, he still did it, because ADHD and impulse control. I'm ashamed to say that he also participated in online bullying of a girl in his year, which although we know he did under peer pressure we came down very hard on. He is 16 now and has a smartphone again, but despite his age there are strict conditions on it because his ADHD means he is more prone to dopamine chasing and his autism can make him believe what people say without questioning.

We also sadly had many, many ND kids come through CAMHS who had been groomed online while their parents thought it was all safe and harmless.

Be very careful with ND kiddos and online socialising.

The point is, of course children fight and argue. But if they are put in front of a screen to stop this they never learn vital social skills like compromise, arguing, advocating, making up, discussing etc.

How are you teaching your kids life skills if they’re on a screen to prevent any kind of conflict?

I would regularly have to mediate whilst cooking dinner/trying to get ready etc, but that’s part of being a parent.

Honestly, if you aren’t prepared to do this then don’t have kids. It’s part of raising children, you’re responsible for their wellbeing and for raising them to be good adults.

clearly it can be helpful particularly if a child has neurodiversity

This is where so many people go wrong. Using screens is the WORST thing you can do for a neurodiverse child.