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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU for hating people wanting “a taste” of my food?

434 replies

HereComesAuntySocial · 22/01/2026 13:06

I went out for brunch with a friend which we do quite often, we usually order different meals. .

Every time we go anywhere she takes ages to decide what she’s having and questions me about what I’m going to order and makes suggestions when I just want to choose my own bloody food!

When we get our meals she will start eating her own then eyeing up mine and ask me if she can “have a taste?”
I don’t understand this at all, It’s often something she’s likely to have had before, I don’t see the point in just trying a small amount of a meal because what if you really like it? Is it not disappointing knowing then you can’t have more or having food envy wishing you’d ordered the same?

Sometimes she offers me a taste of her food first (just the wording of this is really winding me up) and I know it’s so she can then dip into my meal.
If I refuse she keeps on at me but I’d had enough today so I said no firmly and told her I just wanted to eat what I’d ordered.
She laughed and said “well I’m still tasting yours” and before I could stop her she’d stuck her used fork into my smoked salmon and scrambled egg.

I lost my temper and pushed her fork away with mine and then said I actually didn’t want my food now and she could have it.
I was really angry and she seemed taken aback and said it was a complete overreaction and it’s normal to try each other people’s food when eating out.

Unfortunately I have experienced this before and I’ve been out with groups of friends where people have asked to taste each other food and I just think it’s so unhygienic and puts people under pressure to say no.
I also really hate people staring at what I’m eating and commenting on it with things like
“oh that looks nice? What’s in it? What does it taste like?“
I had to stop eating my lunch in front of other people at work feeling like I was expected to start offering it round.
I fell out with a colleague once who was hanging around quizzing me like he’d never seen a chicken baguette before, he got highly offended when I said he reminded me of a seagull waiting to dive bomb me.

Another food crime is people who don’t ask and just take food off your plate, I find that men are the worst offenders who ask if you are planning to finish your meal or wait until you are taking a small break from eating and lunge at it before you get a chance to stop them.
My BIL used to make comments like “you can’t possibly eat all that” or “where do you put it all?”It made me feel like he was trying to shame me into not finishing so he could eat the rest so I refuse to eat with him now unless it’s unavoidable.

I know some people say they love the experience of sharing food and it makes it more enjoyable to try different things, I have friends who start offering round “a taste” of their meals before they have even tried it themselves, I just find it weird!

Whilst all these are annoying scenarios to me, nothing is as bad as people who order a small meal or nothing at all claiming they aren’t hungry but then they change their mind and ask for some of mine - or worst still start helping themselves. There is a special place in hell for those people - especially when it’s a pudding I’ve been looking forward to, fuck off Janice we will not need “two spoons” 😂.

AIBU to get so pissed off about this or was Joey right when he just made it clear he doesn’t share food?!

OP posts:
reallyboring · 22/01/2026 14:25

MIL often says that she doesn’t want to order anything because she isn’t hungry. But then says “I just pinch little bit of all yours”

housethatbuiltme · 22/01/2026 14:29

bumphousebump · 22/01/2026 13:54

Yes, some people are sharers and some aren't. I'm a sharer. DH is a sharer. We have friends who we know 'are NOT sharers' so we don't expect them too...though it does take some of the joy out of say a curry evening.

It also means that we don't tapas with them. It's too tense.

An ex colleague - we would go out fairly regularly for a curry as a team - would loudly declare at the beginning of a meal - I don't share....

I honestly don't get how curry is a shared meal. I could understand getting a side of 6 onion bhaji and have 2 each in a group of 3 or something but not sharing a curry.

I think a lot of shares are just insanely ignorant to the fact that many of us have dietary requirements.

I can't eat usually 90% of options (and thats in a good place with decent options) so really what they mean is they want some of my already limited food choice (because I can't have theirs) and also didn't even cross their mind about the cross contamination that could make me horribly sick from them diving into my food.

PurpleVine · 22/01/2026 14:30

sticking your used cutlery into someone else's lunch is totally grim. don't blame you for not wanting the rest of your food. it's only normal to share if you both agree! anyone trying to snaffle off my plate will get a fork in their hand.

Bitchcraft · 22/01/2026 14:35

Oh god that's gross. If it's a good friend and an unused fork then MAYBE a taste but I'm funny with food anyway and I'd just be thinking about the bit where her fork touched and likely not eat my food. I don't mind sharing things like sweets and whatever but I'm not having other people's mouth germs in my mouth. 😷

DC are different. They can do what they like because they came from me. 🤣 Although I don't drink from their water bottle or eat out of their lunchbox if they've been in school. Germs. Germs everywhere.

BillieWiper · 22/01/2026 14:35

I do like sharing food but only when I'm volunteering to do so. I'm quite funny with food and eating out means I usually don't eat very much.

I have one friend who, as soon as I've decided what I'm having she'll say 'oh, I'll try some of that'. It's like she knows I'll probably offer but it feels kind of pushy to assume I'll have any to spare.

I had one male friend who'd just sit there eyeing up my plate, willing me not to finish it. He'd look crestfallen when I'd eat every crumb just to stop him being such a greedy sod.

SunflowerFace · 22/01/2026 14:36

I only ever do this if somebody offers, and then only if it’s something unusual or exceptionally delicious. It was very bad manners for her to ignore your boundary, when you’d already told her no.

Is she really food obsessed, or something? Because it seems really odd to be so desperate to try someone else’s scrambled egg and salmon - I mean, she must know what that tastes like? Any variation from one place to another is really minimal.

Tallisker · 22/01/2026 14:45

Brefugee · 22/01/2026 13:10

stab her with a fork.

Or a steely knife 😁

Redcandlescandal · 22/01/2026 14:46

Velvian · 22/01/2026 14:00

Tapas and curries are very different, that's more of a buffet, which is fine. It is not fine to help yourself to someone's individually ordered main dish.

Nope. Still not sharing. And don’t even get me started on bloody Chinese food!

I will order what I want. You order what you want. Stay away from my food.

CalishataFolkart · 22/01/2026 14:48

The “ecstatic noises” would put me off as well.

I get weirdly squeamish about people commenting on my food. One time eating a salad someone said, “Oo! That looks healthy,” and I barely restrained myself from dumping the whole thing straight in the bin.

bumphousebump · 22/01/2026 14:50

housethatbuiltme · 22/01/2026 14:29

I honestly don't get how curry is a shared meal. I could understand getting a side of 6 onion bhaji and have 2 each in a group of 3 or something but not sharing a curry.

I think a lot of shares are just insanely ignorant to the fact that many of us have dietary requirements.

I can't eat usually 90% of options (and thats in a good place with decent options) so really what they mean is they want some of my already limited food choice (because I can't have theirs) and also didn't even cross their mind about the cross contamination that could make me horribly sick from them diving into my food.

Well if there are food allergies etc then of course you get your own meal. But where there aren't then using a serving spoon to help yourself to one of the curries in the middle of the table isn't that outlandish amongst my friends...(with a few exceptions) and often food orders will be sorted out so there's a choice...

BlackCat14 · 22/01/2026 14:50

I’m here for this!

Once after a night out I bought chicken nuggets, chips and cheese. A friend asked if she could have a chip so I offered the polystyrene box, and she took a nugget! I was fuming 🤣 you only get six and I wanted all six of my nugs. Must have been about 15 years ago but I’m still annoyed thinking about it!

Also a few years ago, a group of friends got together for a takeaway night. One of the girls said she couldn’t afford a takeaway as she was skint so shed already eaten at home. But then when we’d all finished, she started picking at our leftovers! I was quite quick to get mine and say I was going to take it for my lunch the next day, but because everyone else let her have their leftovers I felt like a bit of a tit. But I was annoyed as I genuinely think she ended up having the most food and didn’t pay a single penny.

crimsonholly · 22/01/2026 14:50

I retired a couple of years ago and joined many groups and have been to quite a few lunches and dinners now. I was surprised by the food sharing as no idea this went on unless agreed up front with curry, tapas etc. I’ve been offered food but always declined and never offered mine. Maybe they think I’m weird but nobody has said anything. I do occasionally share desert but we ask for an extra plate and fork and divide it up

beigeybeige · 22/01/2026 14:53

I hate it when people stick their used forks in my food to try it. I don’t mind cutting a bit off and putting it on their plate if they’re so interested in it.

It’s the weighing straight into my plate like it’s another part of their own meal, that’s rude and unhygienic. See also the entitled family members who take what they’d like from communal plate food with their used fork, or even worse their fingers. Yuck. I pointedly put out serving spoons yet they don’t use them. I don’t even want to get on to handwashing standards. It’s really not nice.

ThreeSixtyTwo · 22/01/2026 14:54

housethatbuiltme · 22/01/2026 14:29

I honestly don't get how curry is a shared meal. I could understand getting a side of 6 onion bhaji and have 2 each in a group of 3 or something but not sharing a curry.

I think a lot of shares are just insanely ignorant to the fact that many of us have dietary requirements.

I can't eat usually 90% of options (and thats in a good place with decent options) so really what they mean is they want some of my already limited food choice (because I can't have theirs) and also didn't even cross their mind about the cross contamination that could make me horribly sick from them diving into my food.

In some places your curry doesn't come on a plate, but in a small hot/heated pot and you move it on your plate with a dedicated spoon.

This serving style means your food is never cold and it makes hygienic sharing really easy, it's actually expected in that setup.

In a group of four we would get 2-3 safe portions and 1-2 more interesting choices for tasting.

We do it similarly when ordering pizza for a group.

I appreciate it is harder/not worth it/impossible to arrange with some of the allergies.

TittyGajillions · 22/01/2026 14:56

I have literally never had anyone take or try to take food off my plate. You know some weird people.

Goditsmemargaret · 22/01/2026 14:56

I don't know how to vote because you're definitely NOT being unreasonable about your rude friend but in general you sound really OTT about this.

queenofwandss · 22/01/2026 15:01

My mum does this and it drives me mad. Never orders a pudding or chips etc because they are “naughty” and then proceeds to want some of mine, or to finish it when I’m done. I don’t know why it bothers me but it’s annoying as fuck!

GETTINGLIKEMYMOTHER · 22/01/2026 15:01

Not to mention those people who ‘don’t want’ any chips, and then
proceed to nick half of yours….

Runssometimes · 22/01/2026 15:02

I wouldn’t like the expectation element of this. Fine to share and DH and I will often swap half round but we agree first. If it’s something I love I won’t share. He doesn’t get the hump, if he wants some he’ll order the same. I am veggie and I’ve had people ram their meat polluted forks into my food which has ruined my meal or use their cutlery to serve shared food, (tapas, curry etc, usually already fewer dishes for me, and now I can’t eat the polluted one either) it’s vile. Serving spoons exist. These type of people usually get really huffy with me when I object so I don’t go for dinner with several people any more. I think it’s just lack of consideration and acknowledging someone else’s boundaries may not be the same as yours. YANBU

Goditsmemargaret · 22/01/2026 15:04

BlackCat14 · 22/01/2026 14:50

I’m here for this!

Once after a night out I bought chicken nuggets, chips and cheese. A friend asked if she could have a chip so I offered the polystyrene box, and she took a nugget! I was fuming 🤣 you only get six and I wanted all six of my nugs. Must have been about 15 years ago but I’m still annoyed thinking about it!

Also a few years ago, a group of friends got together for a takeaway night. One of the girls said she couldn’t afford a takeaway as she was skint so shed already eaten at home. But then when we’d all finished, she started picking at our leftovers! I was quite quick to get mine and say I was going to take it for my lunch the next day, but because everyone else let her have their leftovers I felt like a bit of a tit. But I was annoyed as I genuinely think she ended up having the most food and didn’t pay a single penny.

I have an ex good friend (now acquaintance) who we allowed behave like this for years; we would go to a tapas restaurant, she'd say she couldn't afford it, we would say fine bye then she'd join anyway 'for chats' and as soon as the food came stay and 'have tastes'. The bill would come and she would have ordered nothing so would pay nothing. We were the muppets allowing this.

I'm always on high alert with her now but do still occasionally forget and include her on a round, you never get a drink back. It's crap because you can't relax around her, have to remember '"stay out of rounds, she's here". My DH always ends up buying her drinks then says to me "What's the big deal, it's a couple of drinks" but it enrages me decades later.

Not me - ever - but there are some crossover with social groups but use recreational drugs and I know the exact same thing goes on; she won't 'go in on a bag' (as in pay for her own cocaine) but when she sees them heading off for a line she will trail after and wait for someone to share with her. The exact same thing with smoking. GRRRR.

Jom222 · 22/01/2026 15:04

I hate this. Grew up with lots of brothers and several of them would snatch food right off my plate as I was eating. It got to the point we'd instinctively put an arm around our plates at the table. I feel this is a big part of why I have a weight problem and scarf my food unless I focus on slowing down.

None of my friends or family do this now thank god, it would bother me a lot. Also its nasty unless the person used a clean fork then took no 'tastes' YANBU

MinnieMountain · 22/01/2026 15:07

I never share curry, unless it's a side dish that DH and I have agreed to share when we order.

GhostMutt · 22/01/2026 15:12

You think this is bad…I have a friend (who to be fair has an eating disorder) who asks if she can smell my food just as I’m about to start eating.
There is no way she would eat any (calories/ allergens/ toxins) but she wants to basically nose taste it.
She puts her nose right up to it and inhales really deeply then says something about how she kind of wishes she “could” eat it but how ill it would make her feel etc.
The first few times I let her because I was sort of stunned, then I started saying no.

NewsOfMidLevelPortent · 22/01/2026 15:23

People can be weird about food and eating as a group. I'd just accept that they might think I'm rude and tell people that I don't like sharing my food. Same thing with subsidising someone else's meal. Unless I've announced that I'm paying for it all, I will only pay for what I've ordered. I don't see why it should be otherwise.

BMW6 · 22/01/2026 15:23

I lost my temper and pushed her fork away with mine and then said I actually didn’t want my food now and she could have it.

So did she eat your food as well as her own??