AIBU for hating people wanting “a taste” of my food?

[HereComesAuntySocial]

I went out for brunch with a friend which we do quite often, we usually order different meals. .

Every time we go anywhere she takes ages to decide what she’s having and questions me about what I’m going to order and makes suggestions when I just want to choose my own bloody food!

When we get our meals she will start eating her own then eyeing up mine and ask me if she can “have a taste?”
I don’t understand this at all, It’s often something she’s likely to have had before, I don’t see the point in just trying a small amount of a meal because what if you really like it? Is it not disappointing knowing then you can’t have more or having food envy wishing you’d ordered the same?

Sometimes she offers me a taste of her food first (just the wording of this is really winding me up) and I know it’s so she can then dip into my meal.
If I refuse she keeps on at me but I’d had enough today so I said no firmly and told her I just wanted to eat what I’d ordered.
She laughed and said “well I’m still tasting yours” and before I could stop her she’d stuck her used fork into my smoked salmon and scrambled egg.

I lost my temper and pushed her fork away with mine and then said I actually didn’t want my food now and she could have it.
I was really angry and she seemed taken aback and said it was a complete overreaction and it’s normal to try each other people’s food when eating out.

Unfortunately I have experienced this before and I’ve been out with groups of friends where people have asked to taste each other food and I just think it’s so unhygienic and puts people under pressure to say no.
I also really hate people staring at what I’m eating and commenting on it with things like
“oh that looks nice? What’s in it? What does it taste like?“
I had to stop eating my lunch in front of other people at work feeling like I was expected to start offering it round.
I fell out with a colleague once who was hanging around quizzing me like he’d never seen a chicken baguette before, he got highly offended when I said he reminded me of a seagull waiting to dive bomb me.

Another food crime is people who don’t ask and just take food off your plate, I find that men are the worst offenders who ask if you are planning to finish your meal or wait until you are taking a small break from eating and lunge at it before you get a chance to stop them.
My BIL used to make comments like “you can’t possibly eat all that” or “where do you put it all?”It made me feel like he was trying to shame me into not finishing so he could eat the rest so I refuse to eat with him now unless it’s unavoidable.

I know some people say they love the experience of sharing food and it makes it more enjoyable to try different things, I have friends who start offering round “a taste” of their meals before they have even tried it themselves, I just find it weird!

Whilst all these are annoying scenarios to me, nothing is as bad as people who order a small meal or nothing at all claiming they aren’t hungry but then they change their mind and ask for some of mine - or worst still start helping themselves. There is a special place in hell for those people - especially when it’s a pudding I’ve been looking forward to, fuck off Janice we will not need “two spoons” 😂.

AIBU to get so pissed off about this or was Joey right when he just made it clear he doesn’t share food?!

There is just no need for this at all. Why don’t they go somewhere for tapas or sharing platters or similar?

Thank goodness you are with a man who hasn’t encouraged you to go along with it, did he before he met you?

Just the thought of everyone passing plates round and eating off each others makes me cringe, I bet it looks a right spectacle and people must look over?’

Do they all decide on what to order together and make sure it all complements each other or are they all having a random mix of food? What if two people want the same? Do they get told no or does one or both people lose a portion of their meal?

It's not minor if it annoys you.

You sound unable to accept others point of view.

Yeah it really was. She's a lovely person but yeah, that was not good. I did say so too.

I'm laughing at your post trying to remember how they do it!. I'm sure there was a group discussion and they all agreed to something different. I know I kept thinking I hope nobody is watching this spectacle. I think OH would probably have went along with pre meeting me, but he's an easy going sort. We were up visiting his mother and were ordering a take away for us all. He asked her what she wanted and she tried to jump on the bandwagon by saying I.,ll just have some of you twos. He said no I'm buying you a meal and we, re all eating our own. The in laws worship her no idea why. She talks posher than Kate Middleton whilst they're as rough as toast but that's another subject!!!.

The only time I would share is if I was out with my children, dh or best friend and agreed it at ordering. For example, ooh, mine comes with 4 spring rolls and yours comes with chips - can I swap 2 spring rolls for some chips?

All trades then done with clean cutlery before people pile in. I hate greediness and grabbiness - and wouldn't go out to eat again with someone who stuck their dirty fork in my food after being told no!

Your friend sounds rude and annoying but you also sound very OTT. You seem to have some food related issues. And that’s coming someone who doesn’t like to share food but I can’t ever see myself falling out with people or shouting at them for what your friend did. I’d be wondering why something like this affects you so deeply. So yeah you are both being unreasonable.

This, I think you are rather making a mountain out of a molehill. Your friend asks for a taste, I'd say fine, and cut a portion for her. But even if she sticks a used fork into your food that you can eat, its not going to make you ill.

Do you have comprehension problems?

Is there a reason you’d ask that when the OP already stated she “said no firmly”?

I don't think I could ever eat with her again, lovely or not!

I only share food with DH like a curry that comes in a separate dish to serve yourself, I’d never allow someone to take something off my plate. I don’t do shared meals like ordering a naan bread between a group of friends as I can’t stand the thought of their hands ripping bits off or sharing from each others plates.

An ex boyfriends family had the table manners of pigs, stealing food off each others plates. I only ate there once and refused to eat with them again, it was disgusting behaviour and a complete lack of parenting to teach them some bloody manners. That relationship only lasted 2 years because when we moved in he would sit and look at me with doe eyes asking for food off my plate even although he had a full plate in front of him. Weird.

We have a family member who allows her child (10) to try and pick off peoples plates. He only tried it once with me and soon learned he was not welcome to touch my food as I whipped my plate away from him. We don’t eat with them any more and neither do a lot of the wider family which means they’re not invited to a lot of celebrations.

Either that or earlier today she stuck her used fork into someone else’s scrambled eggs and smoked salmon.

So what if she is? It still doesn't give people the right to help themselves to her food.

None of my friends have ever asked to taste my food. I wouldn’t eat out with this person again, gross her sticking her fork into your food. Just eat what you ordered.

I don’t mind sharing. I remember being out for a meal with my parents (who were paying) and a long term family friend. I didn’t want pudding but did want to try one particular thing (and this wasn’t somewhere I was ever likely to go back to) so asked friend, who was ordering the one I wanted, if I could try it. Was really taken aback when he said no.

In contrast, having become used to this first friend, I was then shocked when a new acquaintance not only offered me a taste of his food but handed me his spoon.

What annoys me far more is how my mother would behave around food when in a restaurant. She’d quiz me to find out what I was having and then order the same. She would moan if I dared to choose something she didn’t like and had to choose something else, and would whinge if she did choose the same and it wasn’t to her liking. The worse was when she stuck her tongue out and made gagging noises at a pudding I’d chosen (she wouldn’t eat pudding so this has no impact on her). It was really rude and strange.

I didn’t want pudding but did want to try one particular thing (and this wasn’t somewhere I was ever likely to go back to) so asked friend, who was ordering the one I wanted, if I could try it. Was really taken aback when he said no.

So you did want pudding you just didn't want to pay for it.

Enjoyed your dive-bombing seagull comment.

You did want pudding in that case! You mightn’t have wanted the amount that was on offer but that’s neither here nor there. Your friend did want that amount and as luck would have it for her, a normal portion was what the restaurant served!

Your mother’s behaviour is utterly bizarre though. I would never eat out with her.

YANBU, I hate this sort of thing as a general rule. Fortunately for me, most of the people I’ve eaten out with also don’t share, or at the very least are polite enough to accept no for an answer if I disagree with their proposal to share dishes.

The only people I’d share a dish with are DH and my DC, and even then I’d want them to be using clean cutlery unless I’d finished eating.

The exception to that is if we’re out at a tapas restaurant or similar, where there’s an expectation that dishes are designed to be shared with the table. Which clearly wasn’t the case in OP’s scenario.

I get rage just reading this post. I am not even that precious about food but a friend shoving her fork into my dinner would make me feel ill. I would say “no I’m really not ok with that as I think it’s unhygienic” and if presses say “I’ll save you a bit” and just give her scraps at the end. Honestly though, if this happened more than once, I would tell her that you are happy to be friends with her but you no longer want to eat with her as you finding the food sharing incredibly off-putting.

I wonder what she says about what his insistence on eating her food said about him.

Funny how many people think that they should be entitled to stick their forks in other people's meals because - they want to. Surely wanting to stick your fork into another person's plate is unfathomably obsessed with minor things and making a mountain out of a molehill if you are thwarted.

Or, when she orders her food, just order the same as her, don’t tell her you are going to do that.

This is genius

I hate people like that. That's a fork to the eye needed for sure!

I'd start ordering the same fucking meal as her and when she says something, say well, it's the only way I can guarantee you won't fall on my meal as well as your own.

Completely agree, this does my head in.

”Are you having a dessert too?”

”No, just a coffee. Ask for a second spoon though, I’ll try a bit of yours”

I mean, seriously, just F* OFF 🤣