DC disclosed this to me

[Easterbunny91734]

My DC (teen) disclosed last night that a classmate has not been in school this week, she said everything at home is really bad and eluded that her parents were really not nice (somewhat abusive - but didn’t say these exact words so don’t want to put words into her mouth), and she’s come into school with bruises on her once before. DC said her and friend have said if same classmate doesn’t come into school today they will tell the teacher.

DC went to school this morning before I had chance to speak to her and get any further details.

Would I be unreasonable to contact the school today without giving her the heads up today? Or should I wait until she gets back explain that I will need to contact the school to ensure child is safe and call them tomorrow?

Contact the school now.

What age is the child? I would wait to speak to your child first and see if they turned up to school today. Maybe leave it until next week and then yes contact the school or speak with the safeguarding lead.

Don’t leave it until next week!
ring the school - parents could be keeping her off school as she’s covered in bruises.

You would be unreasonable not to contact the school right now

How old are they? If this was my 16 year old daughter then I would wait until she gets home to see whether she and her friends reported it. I wouldnt want to betray my own daughters trust by getting involved without a discussion with her first just so she doesnt feel like you got involved without her knowing and this could prevent her telling you things in the future. Shes already said shes going to report it herself.

Now if these is primary school then that obviously changes things.

OP says her child is a teen.

Out of concern for a child's wellbeing, I would contact school and pass on what I had been told. There's very little to go on but at least it's a heads-up to the relevant people. If all's well, no harm done.

It sounds like your daughter and friend have it in hand. Wait to see what she says when she comes home.

Call the school. Best case scenario she's just ill but better to check. Although if she's come in bruised before she should be on the school's radar anyway.
However secondary schools are big and she could slip through the cracks. I would probably ask to speak to the safeguarding lead rather than the head.

I was trained to act immediately on a serious suspicion or allegation of child abuse. As a midday supervisor, if I didn't report it at the end of the shift or within 24 hours, I would be in trouble.

Google or ask for the school's safeguarding lead now. Tell your child this is not a secret you can keep.

Safeguarding is everyone’s responsibility. I would contact the school this morning and let them do with the information as they see fit.

Does your child have a phone you can text her on?

I think I would actually wait to speak to her first. Sit down and find out all the details and figure out a plan for reporting this tomorrow.

I understand the sense of urgency, but it’s best to speak to your daughter first if you think it could cause a fall out that will lead to her not sharing other things with you in future.

The thing is the school won’t be able to do anything instantly based on what your daughters said - social services probably would not move quickly in this situation unless the girl in question is on their radar already (which she may well be).

So overall I think it’s best not to rush this without properly gathering all the details .

When your daughter comes out of school today you can ask her then - and if necessary even call the school then before the office closes.

If these parents are happy to send their child to school with bruises on their face I'd be extremely worried for their safety. 😢 I'd hope the school would be too.

I'm assuming that your child doesn't have a way to message the child that's off school to see how they are?

OP call the school safeguarding lead. Tell them you have an urgent concern.

I’ve done a safeguarding call to the DSL at my child’s secondary school about one of her friends. They won’t say it was you and they’ll contact MASH usually.

Sorry I missed the teen part. I would wait until she gets home and see if she reported it. Then have a discussion about why you need to report it if she hasn't. Hopefully your daughter is relieved you are reporting it.

But yes definitely report it if your daughter hasnt.

Ring the school. You don’t have to say who you are but this is a child’s safety at risk here.

I think you need better information. ‘Everything at home being really bad’ and her parents being ‘not nice’ could mean anything from ‘my parents are strict about screen time and are always fighting with one another’ to abuse, and once-off bruises could be from sport as well as violence. Talk to your daughter properly tonight.

You have been made aware of a safeguarding issue for a child who has previously presented with bruising and made disclosure of issues at home. Please don’t leave anything until the child returns to school before you act.
You don’t know what is going on perhaps already with the child and other professionals. There may be some other intervention in place but I’d report straightaway.

Honestly I would email the school now, passing this on, & leave it up to them to progress it in the appropriate way. It is not your place, or your daughter’s, to be evaluating the evidence for potential abuse. This is for knowledgeable qualified people to do. Your role is simply to pass on the information - incomplete though it is- that your daughter has provided.

This girl may be fine. In which case no harm done. Or - she may not be. In which case you may be her only hope, for all you know.

If anyone had concerns about any of my kids, I would want them to pass them to the school. I would far rather be bothered and irritated about nothing than think a child’s suffering might be overlooked.

I will be raising with the school regardless but would have liked to discussed with DC first what I’m doing and why so asking if it’s reasonable wait until DC is home

Honestly you can call or email and ask to give a confidentially heads up you are concerned about this child. Your child does not need to know you’ve done this - the child has been off they will assume school triggered something.

They have said they would tell the teacher. Check with her as soon as school ends and make a plan. Your daughter is being very mature. I wouldn’t cut across this today

ok, to answer this clearly, no it is not reasonable to wait until your daughter is home. It is not a teenagers responsibility to decide or be consulted on a safeguarding report.
As PP have said, best case scenario the girl is ill in bed and the school checks in. Worst case she is lying battered and in further danger and you're adding another 24 hours to potential help arriving...

I completely agree with this. My children are much younger than your child OP, and whilst I tell them that anything they tell me doesn’t go any further, I have always caveated that with “unless someone is being harmed or at risk of harm”. As far as I am concerned, your greater responsibility in this situation is to the child who is at risk of harm. You can explain this to your child later. As others have mentioned, your name and your child’s name will not be passed on.

Why didn’t you ask for more information last night when she disclosed it to you?

My DC once disclosed something a friend had said and I absolutely told the school.