DC disclosed this to me

[Easterbunny91734]

My DC (teen) disclosed last night that a classmate has not been in school this week, she said everything at home is really bad and eluded that her parents were really not nice (somewhat abusive - but didn’t say these exact words so don’t want to put words into her mouth), and she’s come into school with bruises on her once before. DC said her and friend have said if same classmate doesn’t come into school today they will tell the teacher.

DC went to school this morning before I had chance to speak to her and get any further details.

Would I be unreasonable to contact the school today without giving her the heads up today? Or should I wait until she gets back explain that I will need to contact the school to ensure child is safe and call them tomorrow?

You must act.
Today.

Report to the school safeguarding lead immediately. You won't be exposed or identified in any way, and your daughter doesn't need to know. I've had to do this (and even after multiple rounds of safeguarding training I wondered if I should). It may be unnecessary, it may enable them to prevent something horrible happening. You'll probably never know. But it's the right thing to do either way. It feels uncomfortable, but it's better than risking the alternative.

for goodness sake - this is NOT the daughter's responsibilty or something that she should have to be mature about. It's a straightforward safeguarding check that needs carrying out asap

If she's already been off a few days then there are few situations where the difference between telling the school now or at 3.30 would make a difference. I'd wait until your DD comes home and tell the school together if she hasn't already. Otherwise you risk giving a half garbled tale based on hearsay, which the school would struggle to know how best to respond to. They can ask your DD further questions

Contact the school. Our school has a system called MyConcern which a lot of schools use to log every single concern from any adult. These all feed together to build a bigger picture. Safeguarding is the responsibility of everyone.

You can of course make it clear that your daughter told you in confidence but that you are concerned and even if it was nothing, it needs to be logged.

Even if she is not experiencing any abuse at home, school will still benefit from knowing that friends are noticing that her homelife isn't good. She has a right to feel safe. I'd imagine that school are already aware of her home context but if things are being noticed more by friends, it could reflect an escalation in things at home.

If you think about the news stories of children who were allegedly let down by social services, there are always the voices of neighbours or teachers or other family members saying that they knew something was off but not this bad. It's OK to tell school about something being off.

How old are the teens here? Old enough to have phones? Has no-one been in contact with this child? Given the family context, I’d report it to school today.

Tell the school now, but explain why you did that to your child later. I’d be concerned that if you told your dd what you are going to do, then she might tell her friend. There might be consequences to her telling her friend, like the friend doesn’t come to school or the parents find out.

"Have it in hand"? They're children!

Your call may well be the final piece of the jigsaw of concerns that the safeguarding lead needs to act. Your call will be confidential (or email). Your daughter won't know, unless you choose to tell her.

Please do it now.

The daughter is telling the school. If she doesn’t OP can tell the school this afternoon. Do you think her DD might stop telling her anything if she cuts across her plan? Any other issues. OP may not be told at all leaving the other girl in s worse position. Think

As someone else stated 'Safeguarding is everyone's responsibility'. I work in a school, and if a child had disclosed this to me, I would be talking to our Safeguarding Lead (DSL) at school - it would need to be logged and then the DSL decides what avenue to take with the information.

You can find out who the Safeguarding Lead is at your daughter's school by the school website. I would suggest to email the DSL directly, but if it's anything like my son's secondary school, emails seem to end up in Junk folders, that staff don't check 🙄 I would then therefore call the school and ask if it's possible for the DSL to call you, after explaining that your daughter has disclosed something about another child, to you. I wouldn't give the other child's name though to anyone, other than the DSL. Don't give opinions to the DSL, just the facts that you've been told.

Safeguarding is everyone’s responsibility- you should report to the safeguarding lead. Hopefully the school are already aware, if not, they need to act on this.

I’ve worked in schools and in social services and this is spot on.

wait to discuss with teen, dont break her trust.

You can't unknow what you know. Contact the school today. I don't think that you have a choice.

Your daughter has said if she's not back today she will report it, I would wait until 3:30 to see if she has, or text her if you can before then. You don't have the details your daughter does. You haven't really got the information to make a report at this point. As above there are very few situations, it having already been a few days, that there will be a difference between an 11:15 report and a 3:30 report.

To add even if she is back today i think you need to have a more detailed conversation with your daughter and report the concerns to the school regardless

Imo it's nothing to do with your dd. You don't need to discuss it. You need to report it to school.. I reported 2 dd's being physically abused by their dm.
Sadly they knew who had reported them and my dd's were ignored after that.. No regrets though.

I would contact the school and ask as part of your disclosure if you can speak to your DC on the phone. That way she won’t randomly get pulled aside and asked for a statement and blindsided, you have an opportunity to tell her yourself why and what’s happening. Emphasise that the school will not disclose where this has come from.

I must say, if the girl came in to school with bruises on her face, it’s extremely poor form from the teachers to not have addressed that already (unless they have). It might also be something that’s already on their radar but hard to prove so your call could really help them.

This

Yep. Always err on the side of caution with child protection.

I would contact the school now and explain to your child later. This child is being abused, your child has disclosed this to you, it is your responsibility to raise it regardless of whether you've spoke to your child for further details or not.

How old is your DC?
Doe she have a phone with her at school?
Id firstly try to contact your DC and ask if the friend was back in school today and if she is ok.
if she is, i wait til your DC come home and discuss your DC concerns about her friends wellbeing in more detail before deciding what to do next.
If she isnt, ask if your DC has told a teacher of her concerns yet,if she has, again wait til your DC come home for further discussion.
if the friend isnt in school or is and isnt ok and your DC hasnt told a teacher,i would tell your DC you will call the school and ask for safeguarding check .
Hope alls well.

Contact the school direct today.

OP imagine this child has been badly beaten and in need of medical attention. In that scenario do you think it's reasonable to wait hours to discuss it with your child first?! I don't think it is really. You tell her when she gets home that you had to report as her classmate may urgently need help and it couldn't wait to discuss it. You don't wait days, or even hours to check on a child with a home life that leaves bruises.