DC disclosed this to me

[Easterbunny91734]

My DC (teen) disclosed last night that a classmate has not been in school this week, she said everything at home is really bad and eluded that her parents were really not nice (somewhat abusive - but didn’t say these exact words so don’t want to put words into her mouth), and she’s come into school with bruises on her once before. DC said her and friend have said if same classmate doesn’t come into school today they will tell the teacher.

DC went to school this morning before I had chance to speak to her and get any further details.

Would I be unreasonable to contact the school today without giving her the heads up today? Or should I wait until she gets back explain that I will need to contact the school to ensure child is safe and call them tomorrow?

Sorry just seen that you have already, you’ve done the right thing.

You did the right thing, @Easterbunny91734 . Disclosures of physical abuse are the most time-sensitive because in the most extreme scenario, a child can die. I'm sure your DD knew that if she told you this, you would need to act.

You did the right thing OP. Your DD disclosed to you for a reason.

She may not have know how to deal with it, but by sharing she probably hoped an adult would.

Well done you and your daughter for speaking up.

The key thing in Safeguarding is people reporting things, even if they seem small or you are not sure, and the safeguarding will use this to "build the bigger picture" based on our reports or evidence they may have.

It is very likely that this child is already on their radar.

My son had a friend in a similar situation and he didn’t tell me because I am very much team report and if at first you don’t succeed, continue until you do. He knew I’d not keep it secret and let it pass.
This friends dad is currently sat in prison after being charged with the attempted murder of school friend and their mother.
Had I have known sooner, maybe the child would have had one less trauma. My son thought getting involved would have back fired and I get it, it’s a risk. But even without us being involved this pathetic little rodent of a man tried to murder his family. I think getting eyes on abusers is always worth the risk because unchecked abusers get away with it for a lot longer.
I speak with the experience of a very violent father. I wish someone had taken that risk for my mother and I.

Thank you for reporting to the school. You may need to think about whether or not you want your DD to know you have made the report as it's possible she may be excluded by peers if they realise she has shared that information.

Although I would do the same again if concerned about a child's safety, after sharing with school a concern about one of my DC's friends, the friend and others have stopped talking to my DC completely, saying they shouldn't have shared the information with me. Neither the friends or my DC know I have been in contact with the school, just the knowledge that my DC told me anything was enough to end the friendship.

You may need to help your DD work out how she will respond if asked about reporting.

Always report, the designated safeguard lead in the school will make the decisions about next steps. I work in education it is drilled into us, report report report that is our responsibility, everything else then lies with those who have the responsibility and resources to issue next steps. If in doubt report let those with the expertise decide next steps. Also they may also have prior knowledge and information about this child this information might help them understand a bigger situation.

Act today. There's no space for delaying. Your dd friend is speaking out. Advocate for her

I assume your daughter has a phone. It'll be lunch time now, or very soon. I would ring her, ask if she has raised it and explain that you have a responsibility to raise it with school.

I'd tell your DC to go see the head of safeguarding at school, tell all and then wash their hands of it. They are the right people to make the call and then there is no chance of blow back onto you from malicious families. Believe me this risk is high.

Report to Police. Now.

Wait sorry I did not read this properly - the child has not been in to school at all this week - yes contact the police right away.

(and, the designated safeguarding lead at school ASAP)

This line of reasoning makes no sense

I don't think this is a good idea because teen DD does not need to know that the OP has reported already and OP does not need to tell her this. DD can still report independently. All reports should be in confidence.

The primary issue is risk of harm. OP's relationship with her daughter is a secondary (and of course important) issue. But each of them provides a different level of evidence here, and that is helpful for the DSL building a picture.

Just leave it until next week because... why? Either this child is being harmed or they aren't. If they aren't, then the outcome is the same. If they are, you've just left them in that situation for a further week.

Gosh I hope she’s ok, poor girl.

Will you report back and let us know if you hear anything OP? I’m worried now, il be thinking about this all day.

I think your dd told you because she needs adult support. If she and her friends thought they could speak to the school on their own they would have done so. It is too big an issue to expect kids to be responsible for safeguarding their friends safety. You and the safeguarding leads at school are the adults, you need to act like adults.

btw make sure you tell her how proud you are of her for a) caring for, listening to and sticking up for her friend and b) knowing the right way to go about making sure her friend is properly helped.

@tuvamoodyson the school may well have noticed the bruises, OP and her DD won't know what the school has on record for this child. She very well maybe on their radar, but she might not. This can be an extra bit of the puzzle. Hopefully, school has a policy in respect of attendance, but if mum has phoned in for teen saying she has flu etc her lack of attendance might not be ringing alarm bells

You did the right thing. School can now act.
Safeguarding should be everyone's business, but many do not wnt to interfere.
I witnessed this myself last year.
A young girl was in distress and being pulled( like a ragdoll )between rowing parents on a busy street . The number of people and drivers who ignored it was startling and disgusting . Myself and a guy phoned it through and the police blue lighted it and got to the girl quickly before the bus she and mum could board it .
A domestic may be, but hopefully the police would at least notify the girl's school and she will be on their radar now !

They are teenagers.

This is a child potentally at risk. They have bruises aka evidence.

It requires immediate attention precisely for this reason. The kids don't have it 'in hand'. They don't have the ability to be able to cope and make adult decisions about a safeguarding issue no matter how mature they think they are. Neither does the OP. They are not placed in a position to make that judgment.

The key question is based on what they know, how would they feel if that child was killed tonight?

This is for the safeguarding team at school and social services who have powers to actually do something meaningful to investigate and act on if necessary. This is their responsibility not the OPs to make these judgment calls. There may be a whole backstory the OP and her daughter are unaware of.

Tell the school. If its nothing there isn't a problem. If there is an issue it needs dealing with appropriately.

Just seen you've reported.

You did the right thing.

Its not really appropriate to do that tbh. Its unlikely the OP will be told anything anyway. Its a child safeguarding issue not a spectator sport on the internet.

If this is causing you anxiety, you need to deal with that appropriately not expect an update! That means either taking time away from internet areas and issues that bother you or seeking real life help with your online created anxieties.

You've done the right thing, OP.

It's lovely that your DC and her friend are so caring and mature. Your DD is a credit to you.

Don’t be so ridiculous.

Asking the OP to let us know the girl is ok is nothing to do with my having anxiety or it being a spectator sport, it’s to do with hoping the girl is ok. Don’t project your weird ideas onto me!

Get a grip.

No.

I'm not remotely being ridiculous.

See above posts from others who work in safeguarding.

Go get some safeguarding training before telling anyone to 'get a grip'.

Asking the OP to let us know (if she wishes) that the girl is ok is not a “safeguarding risk” in any way shape or form and any normal person would see that.

You are being completely ridiculous and over dramatic but I see you have a bit of form for that RedToothBrush so il leave you to your thread monitoring as you seem to see it as your raison d’etre. Sad.