To feel a bit snubbed not to be invited to wedding?

[hogany]

I get people can decide who to invite to their wedding but it doesn’t stop me feeling that it was a bit rude not to invite me.

Context is that this is the wedding of a childhood friend/family friend. My mum and her mum are best friends, and we would see each other every single weekend growing up. We would see each other on Christmas Day and also used to go on holiday together. Since we turned about 20 (5 years ago), we haven’t seen so much of each other as we both moved to opposite ends of the country. We’d only see each other once or twice a year.

But as our families are so close, I’d always seen myself going to her wedding, and obviously we spoke about it for years. Turns out that the wedding invite is only for my mum (dad passed). They’re having a smaller wedding of about 60 people so they can afford a fancier venue. Further context is that they already live together and own their place so no rush for that.

I thought you were going to say it was someone much closer. YABU.

You’re right, I didn’t really think of family. Of course it adds up quickly if people have big families plus their partners etc.

you are being so unreasonable I am wondering if this is a reverse

Ummm what? Every person that has answered is in the real world too as well as on Mumsnet. And are pretty much saying the same, except for you.

The BTB is NOT making a point, being bitchy or controlling! Omg. They haven’t been in touch much for 5 years - most of their adult lives!

Has this hit a nerve for you or something?

This is … sigh. Better not say or I’ll get in trouble for causing hurty feelings.

Woah do you take everything this seriously. It’s just a wedding invite. I’m sure Mum and OP are fine really. Why all the drama.

I don’t think you’re being unreasonable at all 💐
A huge oversight on her behalf and I bet one day she’ll come to regret not inviting you.

Whats strange about it? I've had wedding invites just for me before. If you know them well enough, whats the issue?

Why on earth would it any size of 'oversight' on her behalf? And why would she come to regret it one day? Unless the OP is the kind of vengeful loon who stalks people with an axe when they don't invite to their small wedding someone they see only annually because their parents are friends?

> Just turn up prepared
Act the part - blagg your way in

Turn up WITH a camera - a polaroid camera - works best

INSTANT pictures ON the day right there - a photo in your hand

Go to the bride wearin her dress FIRST - hand her a picture - you ARE in

So what's your point?

I am kinda with @Wishingplenty here (a bit.) It seems weird for the old friend to invite the mum and not the OP, and actually quite mean. I am surprised at all the responses, and the attacks on the OP. In real life, most people would be miffed by this. (If they were the OP.)

It's not the fact the bride-to-be hasn't invited the OP - it's not that bad or weird to not invite someone you haven't seen much in 4-5 years, but to invite her mum, and snub her (when they grew up together and were close til 4-5 years ago) is weird. The OP's mum and the bride-to-be's mum might be good friends, but this is a weird snub. The OP said she still saw the friend a couple of times a year, and they're still on good terms.

I am with you OP @hogany even if most others here are not. I would be hurt too. It would be hard not to be ...

In this situation, if I was the OP's mother, I wouldn't go to the wedding. I would politely decline. My daughter's feelings would come before my friend, and her daughter.

Gosh, what juvenile melodrama.

When did you last contact her, OP?

I would expect your mum will have been invited as a friend of the bride’s mum’s , almost certainly at her mum’s request. Not because the bride is keen to keep up relationships with her parents’s friends. The days when weddings were mainly populated with the friends and family of the Bride’s (and to a lesser extent, Groom’s) parents’ are long gone, along with the expectation the Bride’s parents’ pay and the idea they are passing her into the care of her husband

If you are independently in contact with her, then I can see why it might be disappointing, though to call it a snub on a wedding that size seems pretty main character syndrome unless you’re actually fairly close friends (which I would have expected you to mention)

Re: I get people can decide who to invite to their wedding but it doesn’t stop me feeling that it was a bit rude not to invite me

> If it IS important for you to be there - invite yourself

Have the right tools WITH you
eg Polaroid instant camera from Curry`s

Brides like photo`s of themself wearin their dress

I'd be upset too. 💐

Bein upset will not change anythin
Accept it & move on - cant change the situation now

> the best revenge IS show her what she HAS rejected

60 people IS easy - FOR the after party
> It IS the actual ceremony where you ONLY really need a hand full of people
Close immediate friends and family, for the official part THEN the after party - WHERE everybody gets drunk, dancin ... numbers INCREASE

feeling that it was a bit rude not to invite me

> Follow the rule, invite yourself - there are NOT bouncers / security there
Just turn up, act like you ARE supposed to be there ...

I understand why you would have liked to attend

And it's ok to feel disappointed

But it sounds like you were thrown together through your mothers and not in frequent contact so much now you've moved away

And that's ok. Friendships wax and wane