School say they're monitoring lateness now and I feel sick about it

[oBoltFire]

I cant stop thinking about this and feel really stupid for how upset I am but I need a reality check. At drop off this morning the teacher took me aside and said they need to “monitor lateness” because we’ve been late again today and its becoming a pattern. She wasnt horrible about it but it felt very formal and I could feel my face burning and my stomach drop. We are talking a few minutes late, not half an hour, but its happened more than it should. Mornings are honestly chaos here, I’ve got a baby who barely sleeps and needs feeding right when we should be leaving, a toddler who refuses shoes one minute and then melts down the next, no car so we walk it, and by the time we get out the door something always seems to go wrong. I know everyone has stuff going on and Im not special, but it really isnt from lack of trying or not caring. I already feel like I’m constantly failing at the school run and this just tipped me over. I cant shake the feeling they think I’m unreliable or neglectful or just not bothered, which couldnt be further from the truth. Sorry this is long, Im just replaying it over and over in my head and feeling sick with shame about it.

Am I overreacting to the word monitoring or is this actually serious? Does this lead to letters or fines or worse if it carries on? Has anyone else had this conversation with school and it came to nothing once things improved, or should I be genuinely worried about this now? I feel ridiculous for how anxious I am but I also cant tell if I should be taking this as a massive warning sign or not.

I really haven’t. There’s no physical, external or outer force making you late. Therefore it’s within your control. Finding something challenging doesn’t make it impossible.

And most people realise there are bigger issues in life than being a couple of minutes late to morning carpet time.

As an adult no-one is out here threatening to fine me or throw my parents in court if im 2 minutes late for work.

I said “Some will adapt and coordinate better than others but ultimately it is all within your control” so I covered that, did I not?

I haven’t heard such staggering naivety in a long, long time.

I’ve removed every privilege, and kept only food shelter live and protection before and yet once they realise the power lies with them, not you, it makes no difference what you say or do.

you don’t have power over others.

That’s a really selfish attitude. The teacher is trying to manage 25-30 kids. If they all drift in a few minutes late at varying times during registration/carpet time/maths then how is the teacher meant to do that? Believing it is fine to be a few minutes late must therefore be based on an assumption that your little child popping in late is no big deal and not disruptive because EVERYONE ELSE got there at the appointed time.

No it wasnt disruptive, because as I said upthread, I had an arrangement with the school to be late on purpose because of his Autism.

However ftr, like others on this thread, I have worked in schools, and people telling you its disruptive to be a few minutes late to primary school are talking utter bollocks.
No school I have worked at is doing anything constructive before 9:15. They're taking the register, doing assembly, having carpet time...etc

Even an EWO has come on here and said it isnt a big deal, and yet we still have people like you going in like its the end of the world.

Unclench, life will be a lot less stressful.

This is a comment you could have just thought and moved on, but instead you took the time to type it. How delightful.

Who has to do the school run with two small children 5 days a week. It's a way to spread the load.

I’m unclenched and on time. Have had my fair share of mornings from hell with trying to get kids to school and me to work (previously did a long commute too) but I stand by this being very disruptive. Of register, assembly and carpet time, or anything else that is happening. Assembly in particular must be a nightmare if kids are late as the class and teacher have left the classroom when the late ones arrive so who is fetching them? And then they come in late to disturb the whole school. What if it was 50 kids in the school doing that?

You're proving the point I made earlier in the post. Many parents no longer value education or have any respect for it. So how are we going to look after their kids when they become adults then? Is it fair that they will end up being funded by the growing minority of parents who have worked tirelessly an actual work ethic into their kids and taught them that life can't always be comfortable and life doesn't just revolve around them?

There are plenty of situations in which you would get equally punished for minor infringements as an adult. Many jobs would discipline/sack you if you're persistently late. Parking fines are issued if you ignore parking rules. Debts are passed to debt collectors if you're disorganised and miss credit card payments. There's plenty of examples and school aged children are plenty old enough to learn that actions have consequences.

They have secondary school for that. Its why I specifically mentioned primary school in my posts.

It isnt about not valuing education, its about realising that as a parent of several small children, who is temporarily at a point of struggling in the morning, realising that not getting stressed and upset over a couple of minutes lateness is better for everyone.

Can your partner not get the kids ready whilst you’re sorting the baby’s feed and getting them dressed. You’ll likely need to get up had an hour earlier and just get in front of this. It is bad to inatill that lateness is ok for your kids, it really isn’t ok, but a bit of organisation from your side could help

For all those parents insisting that regularly being a bit late for school is no big deal - if you were guaranteed a monetary bonus of £100 each day you arrived on time, would you make sure you were punctual?

Your situation is you have 3 kids. That's not unusual and I wouldn't start a conversation with the school if that is your only mitigating circumstance.

Just aim for 15 mins earlier and hopefully you'll be fine.

I remember doing those school runs with a toddler and baby and it is hard . They will understand that . I had one child who would cry all the way to school and not want to go in (asd) . And one who wanted me to carry them constantly. One in a pram. And I swear it was always raining .
It will get easier.

The wall clock in our dining room is 5 minutes fast and as its the only visible clock in the morning it keeps us on time most days.

Solidarity though, even when you think there cant possibly be anything to hold you up something always happens 🙄

What time does the school open to pupils? I think with our primary, you could drop off from 8.45 onwards. So you need to be aiming for the time that they open and then if you are a few minutes late, you still won't be late.

Try and create a routine and aim to get there well before the time that school starts.

When you give instructions to your children, start with their name so that you have their attention - Susan, put your coat on, not put your coat on Susan. I was told that they only start to listen to you at the point of hearing their name.

Toddler has to go on buggy board on way, but can walk on way back.

It is just a moment in time, but the school are right to be talking to you about it.

Yeah the standing around in the playground bit is an integral part of the circle of hell that is the school run. Especially if it's cold and/or raining. You won't be the only one with a buggy covered in a rainhood that's being kicked from the inside by a furious toddler.

BUT. It's also where you make mum friends, where you get to see your child's friends, where your toddler gets to run around and feel like a big kid on nice days... They might enjoy the school run more if it's when they get to play a bit.

Good luck soldier.

I work in an AP, so I have met plenty of children of whom you speak of, ive been teaching for 20+ years. Ive yet to be completely failed in my methods.

There are always reasons why anyone (child or adult) doesnt want to do something. The art is finding out why and trying to help.
Its not about forcing someone to do something.
Its also understanding that in life there are things we dont want to do, but need to do.

If it were just for me, I'd make it. When it involves my son, we still wouldn't.he gets a £50 bonus for full attendance and less than 5% lates. He is STILL LATE.

I was ready to leave home at 8:35
We left at 8:47. With the luck of the gods and all 3 sets of traffic lights on green, I got him to college at 8:59.

It isnt as simple as "leave earlier" i was ready. HE was NOT.
And if anyone has ever tried to rush someone with autism who has to follow his routine regardless of the time, and not caused a meltdown, tell me how.

I learned the hard way not to sweat being a couple of minutes late. Not worth my mental health, or his.

As I said, if you don't get it you don't get it.

You don't have to try and understand that people are different, it can be hard for some people so don't worry about how it reflects on you. Just stop trying speaking for everyone based on your individual experience and you'll be fine.

Not better for EVERYONE. Better for the people in your house. But worse for the class they are going to.

If the problem is because they don't respect the school's policy then maybe. But if it's because they cannot effectively manage time, then no - incentives or sanctions do not lead to the outcomes you think they do.

The rest of the class isnt my concern. My child and my mental health are.

And as I said, from experience of the 5 different schools ive worked in, makes no difference to them either.

The OP isnt talking strolling in 15 minutes after register, they're a couple of minutes late, time kids are still hanging coats up getting drinks out their bags, milling around, chatting to friends and being ushered to sit.

You're all going on like she's waltzing in at 9:15, not a care in the world and expecting everyone to stop and praise her arrival.

did you call me "an hysterical mental case?"
Sorry, I am not quite sure from your post 😂