Eccentric SIL

[ProbablybeingU]

SIL has a very eccentric personality and parenting approach. She is a spiritual person who reads tarot, loves yoga/pilates and is vegan. She has always been a bit “hippy dippy” - although doesn’t look remotely like the stereotypes you’d imagine, she is just a normal woman.

She is very lovely but has a bit of an eccentric approach to parenting. DN is being raised vegan, she used elimination communication from being newborn, doesn’t allow sleepovers or quite frankly anyone to babysit. Niece is 3 years old and as far as I’m aware her Mum has watched her twice over night and that was by staying at BIL and SIL house. Niece has never been in nursery and SIL has just announced plans to home educate.

From what I’m aware all of her friendship group all have children a similar age so niece does socialise a lot with kids of similar age but none of her friends share similar beliefs to SIL and all of their kids attend nursery/school etc.

AIBU to think she’s setting DN up for failure here/perhaps to be singled out? I’m aware kids can be quite nasty.

Very few 3 year olds have sleepovers.

there’s a lot more vegans around than there used to be.

you say the child goes to a lot of groups and doesn’t appear to be behind.

not seeing the issue at all.

Maybe stop trying to find an angle from which she’s doing something wrong, whether that’s baby wearing or taking time out from her career to homeschool?

Maybe she thinks your life decisions are piss poor? Maybe she thinks your ‘boisterous’ older children are badly behaved, hence the baby wearing and deciding to home school? But she’s not on the internet trying to get a bunch of strangers to agree you’re a weirdo.

Agree - sounds like you don’t like your SIL - maybe subconsciously she is making you question your own parenting choices that are now past that stage?

Are you able to reflect honestly on that? You don’t have to share it here.

Your SIL seems to be very well informed on optimal nutrition, environment, attachment parenting, health and exercise options and has made value choices for her personal lifestyle.

What on earth does “stoically baby wore” even mean? It’s just a different choice. She wanted to transport her baby in a sling, instead of a pram. Who cares!!

She doesn't sound eccentric, just confident in who she is. Why does it bother you so much? Not really any of your business imo.

Bloody Hell. And you think you're not being judgemental? So what if 'even' your DH thinks it's odd!

Mind your own business.

We were also taking the boys to the zoo and had 241 vouchers. This meant we had a spare ticket so I offered to bring DN but SIL said she didn’t know enough about the zoo to know if she would want her to go there. I said it was already paid for so she wouldn’t be putting any money into it but she disagreed. So I do feel like DN will be missing out on some life experiences.

She is different than you and choosing a different way to parent her child. That's OK. It isn't a reflection on you. You can be a good mum doing it your way and she can be a good mum doing it her way. There isn't one universal way to bring up happy, well adjusted children.

It's OK that you think she is little bit 'odd', you are allowed to think that. Maybe just ask yourself if 'odd' is actually a bad thing? Sometimes we are wary of things that are unfamiliar to us but that wariness isn't actually warranted, it's just us imposing our beliefs on other people.

I mean she didn’t take DN off! Straight out of the car into the sling! If anyone asked to hold or feed or even look at her then it was oh she’s asleep or she’s cosy. Even if DN was alert and attempting to look around!

I don’t think that’s too odd on its own but it was definitely because she didn’t want anyone else touching DN. We laugh about it now.

If she's vegan, she may also find the idea of a zoo to be problematic. I would also not go to a zoo unless I was certain of animal welfare standards and ethics. Your DN is not going to be missing out on vital life experiences by not going on a trip to the zoo, for goodness sake. Your DN will be having different life experiences, that's all.

It's not unusual for people to not want to take part in activities that involve animals kept in captivity outside of their natural environments. I presume she didn't feel like she knew enough about the ethics of the zoo to allow her child to take part in the gawping.

Again, who cares if she wanted to hold DN in this way. It's just a different choice. You seem really disturbed by any choice that isn't your kind of norm.

You’ve referred to your ‘boisterous’ older children. There may be a reason she kept her baby in the sling.

Rather than "eccentric", the word I would use is "superstitious".

And it does seem as though she wants to shield her child from too much contact with reality, which is a shame.

But children raised by heavily religious or "spiritual" parents often manage to break free eventually, and discover the world through their own eyes and experiences.

She sounds completely normal.

I live in a 'hippy' town in the Uk and know loads of vegan kids, I tend to assume children are veggie/vegan unless I know otherwise it's so common.

Are you from the 1950s ?!

Home education, also - not for me but absolutely normal in that it's chosen by a certain number of people

One of my kids has never had a sleepover because they don't like them - again, totally normal.

I think it’s quite normal for a parent to not want their 3 year old to go on sleepovers and to raise their child with the same diet that they follow. Homeschooling is becoming more popular now and there are many groups so kids can still socialise etc. Most bullying occurs in schools so if she’s not going then it’s unlikely. Though at 3 they may still change their minds and might just be struggling with the idea which I think a lot of parents experience when first sending their child to nursery/school.

Well DN won't be bullied by other children as she won't see any! She is being smothered by her ridiculous earth mother. Who I bet doesn't believe in a hard day's work.

You sound mean and judgemental - posting online about how a woman chooses to carry her own baby?

I think she sounds lovely. I would like to be more like her. There’s another thread on here about late stage capitalism and how it’s destroyed so much human potential. Sounds like your SIL is keeping the light for human potential. Maybe you should take a leaf out of her book. If you’re not too envious.

I loved having my little niece to stay over…why do think that’s weird??

Zoos are frequently fairly problematic from an animal ethics POV. Your SIL is vegan, takes those ethics seriously, and was civil about why she didn’t want her child to go there.

Are you really that ‘sheltered’, OP? Don’t you know any other vegans? Does literally everyone you know do everything the exact way you do it?

There's tonnes of people like this. It doesnt even sound that eccentric at all.

But this child’s parents don’t want their three year old to sleep at the OPs! That’s why it’s weird the OP is so aggrieved about it.

I like the sound of her parenting choices. Even if you're not keen, you must acknowledge that it is her choice, not yours to make.

I think I would find you difficult if you were my relative.

The OP says the DN does meet plenty of children. I know plenty of parents who’d rather saw their arm off than spend days on end with their children. Instead they escape to work, which they claim is a moral responsibility.
So, seeing as all our bodies are nourished by the earth and then return to it, maybe it’s not so bad to be more in touch with the earth in daily life and actually take care of our own children.