Modern life doesn’t work

[DeluluTaylor]

I say this reading thread after thread of people trying to work around nigh impossible situations.
I am sitting here with chronic IBS from stress, trying to get the kids out of the door, to a school which can’t meet their need, to go to a job where I’m firefighting as nothing is fit for purpose anymore. Finding care homes for younger and younger people. People who want to work but can’t as they have learning disabilities. Yet in the 20th century an estimated 40-70% of people with LD were employed.
I have 38p in my bank account and all my money goes on paying for a big house that we’re in from 6.30pm 7 the next morning, with a huge garden which none of us have time to do anything in. That I sit in on my own when the kids go to see their father in a bedsit at weekends. Yet there are families down the road with three kids and two parents in one room.

The whole thing is crazy. If you were going to arrive here from another planet and looked at late stage capitalism you would say why do you live like this? Getting in debt to spend two weeks abroad rather than making changes to make the other 50 weeks off the year more bearable.

The big paradox is that our economy is largely built on the trading of widgets and services, however as the price of essentials climbs, fewer people can afford non-essentials, so more is produced and sold cheaply in "cheaper" coubtries to meet the volume required to make the money and it's descending into madness.

Also every aspect of trade has more and more links in the chain. Multiple taxes, licenses, booking fees, agents, affiliates, transport cosrs and associated taxes - it goes on and on, particularly in the online world. Now we also have environmental taxes. Don't get me wrong but the irony of simply asking for more and more money for the privilege of buying things that are causing huge environmental and health damage rather than insisting on changes at production level is madness.

It's always profit over genuine benefit.

I nearly blew a brain gasket after watching some over consumption critiques on YouTube. I started thinking about the sheer volume of "stuff". Containers full of Stanley cups, or whatever circling the globe until the trend collapses. These things are supposed to be sustainable things to reduce disposable cups. So why does anyone need a bloody collection of them???? And ACCESSORIES???

As a single person, two cats notwithstanding, I rarely go to a big supermarket. When I do, the sheer amount of choice boggles my mind. How many varieties of sodding Oreos do we need, given they are nutritionally dubious at best? And no, I'm not averse to the odd sweet treat myself, nor to I advocate an uneccesarily ascetic lifestyle - there has to be a happy medium.

And I've "educated myself" enough to know how and why, I still don't get it or think it's beyond the wit or wisdom of TPTB to change things. But they won't, because profit is the perpetual holy grail at all costs.

I read about Edward Bernays some years ago, the "father of modern marketing" who laid the foundations of consumerist brainwashing via psycholigical manipulation - and whose volume on the subject was much admired and leveraged by Goebbels for propoganda purposes in WW2. That was quite enlightening, and frankly terrifying.

Capitalism started on the premise of "solving problems" and giving convenience thanks to industrial progression. Then, when the market is saturated, it is quite acceptable to tell us we have problems we didn't know we had and worry us into buying the solutions. The commodification of childhood is a prime example.

And the thing is, it's very difficult to resist and be an outlier entirely, if you value being part if tribes or communities with shared values and implanted expectations.

A thread caught my eye the other day about a Mum who was effectively being ostracised by other private school Mums, and the consensus seemed to be simply disparity of wealth for extra curricular activities, despite having the fundamental commonality of the kids all being in private education. And it saddens me hugely.

I wish I had some answers, but my inner cynic thinks we're edging towards crash and burn before meaningful change can be achieved, and that is being staved off as ling as possible while we are "toughened up" by the erosion of compassion and community.

Or buy big houses with big mortgages.

That's true, but we'd also be going home essentially to a shed, at the mercy of the elements, with no access to the kind of enrichment and recreation that is now available even to those at the bottom of the financial system, at risk of dying from diseases that barely merit a day off work now, with very poor nutrition even in times of plenty and at constant risk of drought and famine if the weather wasn't in our favour in a given year. I agree that there are lots of problems with how we live now but they are not immediately existential in the way that they were for anyone not super rich 200 years ago or even 100 years ago.

I often think that when the great civilizational collapse comes, those Sentinel Islanders will turn out to have had the right idea all along. We are really no happier, even with all these things we think we can't live without.

Unfortunately a very small cabal of powerful people are getting incomprehensibly rich off this system, and there's plenty more people who'd love to join them. They are making sure this system persists even if it kills us all. They'll have their Hawaiian bunkers to retreat to.

I really hope that when they finally emerge, the Sentinel Islanders get them with their blowdarts.

You go to work to earn money to buy things to make you feel better about the fact that you spend all your time working to earn money to buy things to make you feel better about the fact that you spend all your time working, etc.

Hard times create strong men, strong men create good times, good times create weak men, and weak men create hard times
We talk about a modern day mental health crisis but we need to consider what people just a few generations ago were experiencing. Two world wars in quick succession, having loved ones sent to fight with a high chance they would die, witnessing unimaginable horrors and facing a very real threat of invasion and what that would entail. I remember watching an interview with Prince Philip about his wartime experience and the interviewer asked about how he felt about it and how it impacted him mentally. He was incredulous! His focus was merely on surviving. Mental health is a luxury that they simply couldn't afford then. It would cost you your life and en masse cause us to lose the war.

Obviously this is horrendous and I can see why after the wars the welfare state was forged in a hope for a better time but I do think the hard times have been forgotten and most of us only can reference previous good times. We can't really even contemplate that things could be different and our sense of entitlement is through the roof. I think this is partly what is driving dissatisfaction and mental health problems. Our expectations aren't being met.

We now think life should be like it was in the latter half of the last century. We think we should work 40ish years and then be paid generous pensions for the next 30. We think we should have all our health, educational and housing needs met by the state irrespective of how much that may cost. We think that we should easily be able to afford basics like food and electricity and have fun money left over. This is exacerbated even further for young people who are used to being listened to, having their needs met and being respected in a way that we never were. Society is so child focused now. The contrast with this and the world of work and hard graft is stark. You don't call the shots and you aren't the focus of everything. You are the provider of effort and labour, not the consumer of it. It's very hard for lots of young people to get their heads around.

Yeah- there's an interesting thought experiment which is basically "pick a year and place to be born at any point in history. Your sex, socio-economic status, race, religion and sexual orientation will be assigned at random" . Pretty much everyone picks to be born in the present time.

I agree that pensions are unsustainable when people retire at 66 and may live until 90 plus but that's another problem with ageing population.

Healthy life hasn't increased that much. We keep people alive longer with better medical care but that doesn't always mean they're fit and healthy enough to work. We'll end up with an even higher sickness benefit bill.

The gap between rich and poor will become even greater as society changes. Rich people will still retire younger with bigger private pension funds to fund it while poorer people work until they die.

I read an article the other day saying that a fifth of younger people are relying on inheritance for a pension. This is unsustainable as more and more of our elderly have to sell homes to pay for care. Dementia diagnoses are forecast to triple by 2050. One in 11 people over 65 and and one in 3 people over 90 have dementia and people are living longer after diagnosis.

I do think moving away is the answer. Cornwall is a beautiful area so it will always attract those with money. This means house prices will always be high. Unfortunately job prospects also be poor due to the nature of the area. Again, I think there is a bit of expectations management that needs to happen for people lucky enough to live in these types of areas.

I live in one myself but have told my children that they will need to go elsewhere to build a career and make some money. It's impossible here! I don't think that's necessarily unfair though. We don't have a monopoly on this area. It is objectively lovely and I think that people who have earned enough to buy a house here should be able to do so. I don't think you can restrict everyone else from living here whilst asking them to subsidise my kids to live here.

Absolutely. Obviously, our problems feel big relative to where we are, and I'm not suggesting that they're trivial. I'm very overweight, for example (though not as yet unfit or ill as a result), and that is a thing that makes me very unhappy for all the usual reasons - and it's not a thing that I would have experienced 200 years ago. But it's possible to say "here are some things we did in the past that we left behind that actually it turns out we should have continued to do" (such as eating whole foods cooked from scratch, or continuing to maintain a level of physical activity after it ceased being specifically necessary to carry out essential that are now obsolete or automated or much easier due to advances in technology) without succumbing to a very idealised idea of what it was actually like generally to be a peasant or working-class person 200 years ago.

that is so very true

I think life is always a bit fucked but I'd rather be alive now than at any other time. Here's why:

I eat better than most King's & Queens did previously
I have access to healthcare that is free at the point of delivery (albeit far from perfect)
My children were educated to 18 for free at the point of delivery
I didn't have to remain married to my abusive ex-husband
As a single mum I haven't been ostracized or vilified (at least not to my face)
I have been able to work and whilst childcare was expensive and very stressful at times, it was at least an option
I have a hot shower available every day
I have heating in my home that is clean and easy to turn on
I can access the knowledge of the entire globe and human history at the click of a button
I have the most amazing array of entertainment available in my own home
I can move from point A to point B in a heated tin box on wheels at my own convenience on fairly well maintained roads
I can easily keep in touch with family and friends all over the world
Depending on my budget, I have opportunities to travel the 4 corners of the globe
I can work from home part of the time
I can get almost anything delivered directly to my home

When I compare my life to that of my grandmothers who were born around 1900, I know whose life I would rather have. Even compared to my own mother, I still know whose life I'd rather have. We have so many more choices these days.

@DeluluTaylor sorry to hear you are having a crap time at the moment, but maybe you need to have a think about your choice to be in a huge house. Perhaps the affordability of it is impacting other choices that might lead to more contentment and better quality of life.

"late stage capitalism"!!

You are free to sell your excessively big house and go and live in Socialist paradise of Venezuela where large parts of the population have no house and are starving.

Or stay here and continue to bitch about what you do have that many would love. Your choices....

An amazing summary.

@MargoLivebetter
i agree

modern life has just this morning has let us
check real time real cancellations for eldest young to college and check very local weather to know if raincoats required
youngster cycled in, in lightweight waterproofs (modern materials) on a safe cycle path
they both have phones in their pocket if the need to contact us
they are in decent school/college with interesting lessons, fun friends, personal development tutorials, great facilities, extra circular activities which keep them fit and they enjoy, with brilliant teachers who want them to reach their potential

and as long as they are fine we are fine

even the excruciating conversations about how to not think anal sex is to be expected can be quite entertaining - the dark side of modern life with their potential access to extreme porn

but we are parents it’s our job to at the very least contribute, if not entirely ensure that their morals and mental health remain robust - we did sign up for this it’s quite easy to choose not to have a child nowadays (the nobody is interested in your knob (dic pics) one was also funny they were horrified essentially)

I'm so interested in this thread. Human experience over time is trying new things, leaving old things and then picking up the old things and trying them again, maybe with a bit of spin.

This kind of "things were better before" thinking reminds me of when I was listening to Dr Rangan Chatterjee (whose podcast I do enjoy listening to as a rule) and he said "oh, it used to be that a matriarch would cook nutritious food for everyone from scratch and we don't have that anymore". I don't think he meant it the way it sounded, but it gave me the absolute rage because (a) yes, that is a really important piece of family work which, like many other types of "women's work" has been consistently valued at nil compared to anything that men do (including professional cheffing for posh people for stupid money) and (b) there's absolutely no need for it to be something that a woman does for a family as opposed to a man.

I think I'm going off topic somewhat but I'm very glad to have got that out of my system a year or so after the event...

It’s easy to say “too many cars” but the reason people need those cars is due to the way cities and towns have been planned and built - for many it is impossible to live their lives without a car because things are not walkable to anymore. I agree though that this is a huge problem and our sedentary lives are causing huge mental and physical health problems. I just don’t think we can blame individuals for that.

I didn't say we don't need cars but limit them. How many people jump into a car for journeys less than a mile?

Yep. Not in a million years could DH and I do without a car. (Though we have only ever had one between us and I have never owned my own in 35 years of driving.)

No public transport in our village, and car or taxi is the only option. You could cycle, but it's 4 miles downhill to town (fine,) then 4 miles uphill back. Some people wouldn't be fit enough/healthy enough to cycle everywhere anyway.

Getting your weekly shopping and carrying it back would be impossible. Online food shopping is fine, but we buy stuff from about 10 different shops in town on a regular basis. Iceland, Boots, B & M, Morrisons, Aldi, Lidl, Savers, the post office, Tesco, then we go to the doctors, Specsavers, the dentist, the builders merchants, the haberdashery, and a few other places... 'Online shopping' is no help the majority of the time.

No buses to anywhere out of the little market town .. Just a few buses from one side to the other. Fuck-all else ... No train station for 15 miles.

We wouldn't be able to do anything with no car. We're never giving it up. Not ever.

While I understand and agree to an extent with this analysis, we were literally sold and encouraged to buy into these "expectations" so now that things are unravelling it's not surprising people are bucking against it all.

Most people believe work hard - reap the benefits, serving themselves and by extension the wider community. It feels like being handed an ice cream as a kid, then being slapoed upside the head for enjoying it, and being told it's your own fault for doing so, and good luck with being allowed another one because the ice cream providers have ring fenced them away from the majority.

Loss of trust in pretty much everything and every body is a horrible side effect of this, the sudden realusation that we were stupid enough to take things on trust.

My childhood was basic, my grandmother didn't have a fridge till we moved in with her in the mid 80s and rented a TV from Radio Rentals. I've seen a mangle working in her kitchen. She started in service at 14 and did her best given the sex based restrictions on her ability to improve her life that have only relatively recently enjoyed.

Most people don't want "much" apart from stability and quality family life, but this is "not enough" any more. Always the grind, the side hustle, the anxiety that less than 1000% commitment to every aspect of life will result in domestic implosion ( which women still bear the brunt of, to a karge extent).

I think it's perfectly possible to appreciate the gains, but also see the flaws in modern life.

Depends on whether there’s a safe walking route or not.

I live about a mile from the nearest railway station. There’s absolutely no way I’m going to walk up a busy national speed limit road with no pavements, particularly after dark with no street lighting.

Recently without a car for a week, I could cycle to work safely, which took 40 mins each way.
I needed a taxi to get ds to the school bus stop. £20 a day. He walked home which took an hour.
At the weekend we walked into town (4 miles) and carried shopping home in rucksacks. An hour each way.
Without a car and if I was on my own I could survive, but not with a child.

It seems to work a lot better than early stage capitalism.

. I have two children of different genders so they need their own room as they are nearly teens.

Though, whole households slept together in one big room for hundreds of years. Is separate rooms for everyone this just a modern expectation?

I do think it's a real shame that nowadays households often require two full time wages, so children are in childcare for long hours. Everything I've read on attachment says they should be with a primary caregiver until at least 2.5. It's a shame this is no longer an option for so many.

Not me. I walk or use the bus where possible but I would be very reluctant to give up the independence my car gives me.