Sleepover - opinions pls

[Daisydoo23]

My DD has been asked to go to a theme park and stay over in a hotel with her friend for her birthday and her family (mom, stepdad, brother and sister plus friend) so they get 2 days at the park. A bit of context:

My DD (11) has been friends with a girl from school for around 12 months.
I have spoken to the girls mom around 5/6 times at the school, a handleful of texts.
DD has said previously that the friend cannot go downstairs until told to (which i think is strange).
Neither have been to each other's houses for the day in that time, let alone sleepover

I understand it's a nice gesture, but AIBU to think it's bold of the mom to ask for the overnight stay considering the above? I personally couldn't ask someone for permission for their child to stay over elsewhere considering they haven't even stayed at my home or even visited for the day?

I have said that DD can go for the day but I'm not happy for the overnight stay, I know nothing about them, haven't met the other children or stepdad. The mom said the stepdad would take the mom and siblings and come back for my DD with her friend, well I drive, so surely it would be easier for me to just take her myself?

But I just wanted others opinions really. Wwyd have done in this situation?

Agreed.

We are very cautious on sleepovers, and would probably do whatever needed to facilitate a day trip as against staying over. But, if my daughter really wanted to I would work on getting to know the family better in the interim and making a decision nearer the time.

There's nothing bold or unusual about them asking though, and it sounds very kind of them to offer to drive backwards and forwards to get her. It sounds like their daughter really wants yours to come and they're offering to put themselves out greatly to help.

I hear that. Bold was the wrong word, i have already said that somehwere. Maybe I should have said it was presumptuous of them to assume im going to say yes when they don't know me well. Now because they did assume, im the bad guy for saying no and I've "ruined" their weekend 🙄

I personally think it's cheeky to assume i would say yes and to tell the kids first before asking me given they dont know me well.

Yes I will do

You are entitled to say no if you aren’t comfortable. But all this stuff about them being presumptuous, or weird for offering a lift, or inviting another kid is pretty mad and makes your judgement about it all seem off. They ask, you say no/yes. Job done.

(personally I would try to say yes as I bet my kid would love it and I think this is not really seeming like a high risk situation. You could ask the girl over for a play date beforehand etc etc. But it’s your call).

You don't have to make sure the child "gets what she wants" or "Ignore your feelings because the child gets upset", you have to stop expecting another child's family to plan the child's whole birthday celebration around your preferences for your child because that is just rude!

Which wasn't what your point was initially!

And still doesn't change the fact you want them to invite another child on to the trip because of your hang ups!

I dont want them to invite another child, it was you or another who said i was preventing them from taking another child as DD didn't want to stay. I simply explained why it wouldn't put them out inviting another

Im not expecting the family to plan around my child at all. They asked if she could stay over i said no but could come for the day. They never said no to that. But everyone seems to think that i should either decline or accept all. If the family had a problem with my child coming for the day they would have said.

I don't need to encourage DD to make new friends, she gets on with everyone. I havent called them predators that's what you've said. I wouldn't be offended as a parent given i hardly no somone but clearly you would! My DD also hasn't had any sleepovers and the family know that, so it's not like i am singling them out.

I doubt that this will be a big party because it's going to be expensive per head. Therefore the fact birthday child has invited your probably means that she really wants your child there. If that's the case, parents are going to feel some pressure to make sure that your child can attend the part that you will allow her to attend even if this means organising things differently so that your child can be picked up part way through. It's RUDE to put them in this position.

You have been extremely rude and presumptuous. If I was the birthday girl’s mother I would be really pissed off that I was now in the awkward position of having to uninvite your DD. You should have declined the whole invitation and then wait to see if THEY suggested just coming for the day.

We all know by now that children are at most risk from someone they know well. That’s what grooming is. Your DD is probably far safer in a hotel room shared with other kids, with adults she isn’t that familiar with than someone she and you know very well in a family home.

You must give them a very clear and easy way for them to leave your DD out altogether.

You absolutely are.

The fact neither child has spent any time at each others houses would make it a no for me. And I say that as a parent who regularly hosts sleepovers for my dc and allow friends to come away with us. But it’s only because I have got to know the dc friends that I know which ones I am happy to have in my home for just a few hours and which ones could sleepover all weekend if they wanted!

The entitlement