Sleepover - opinions pls

[Daisydoo23]

My DD has been asked to go to a theme park and stay over in a hotel with her friend for her birthday and her family (mom, stepdad, brother and sister plus friend) so they get 2 days at the park. A bit of context:

My DD (11) has been friends with a girl from school for around 12 months.
I have spoken to the girls mom around 5/6 times at the school, a handleful of texts.
DD has said previously that the friend cannot go downstairs until told to (which i think is strange).
Neither have been to each other's houses for the day in that time, let alone sleepover

I understand it's a nice gesture, but AIBU to think it's bold of the mom to ask for the overnight stay considering the above? I personally couldn't ask someone for permission for their child to stay over elsewhere considering they haven't even stayed at my home or even visited for the day?

I have said that DD can go for the day but I'm not happy for the overnight stay, I know nothing about them, haven't met the other children or stepdad. The mom said the stepdad would take the mom and siblings and come back for my DD with her friend, well I drive, so surely it would be easier for me to just take her myself?

But I just wanted others opinions really. Wwyd have done in this situation?

no
she wants a friend for the sleepover

Thankyou, I'm glad you can see why im apprehensive! X

Thankyou all for your opinions :)

It depends why they chose to sleep over, what their plan for the day is and how that will fit with having a child picked up part-way through. If they have partly done a sleepover to give themselves extra time to cope with unpredictable queues and the like, the having to make a place and time for one child to be picked up could totally add back in the thing they were trying to avoid with the sleepover.

No - the whole birthday treat includes the sleepover part with a friend

She could have invited someone else if she knew you were going to pick and chose

This too

Fair enough, but personally children don't always get what they want do they and that's life. I can't ignore my feelings because the child is upset

Either decline it all or accept it all.

Each to their own I guess then, imo it's not enough time for the sleepover part. Taking them out for the day fair enough

But you could avoid the child being upset by not making decisions about her birthday to suit you

Because you seem quite uptight tbh

You just need to know the sleeping arrangements, have had a chat with them and spent some time with them if your worried

You aren't going to become besties with her mother first

There's nothing stopping them from asking someone else to stay? I'd be picking DD up anyway on the evening

I agree
so the child can chose another friend
your feelings are respected and I’m sure your daughter would understand

But then they have an additional child to pay for and look after on the day.

They aren't going to invite 2 people and swap around like that 🤣🤣

Ffs you sound so entitled

Be prepared for your daughter to be upset when her friend tells her she's not invited at all and she's taking someone who will do the whole thing (and whose mother doesn't think nearly 3 months is too little time to know the family)

But it’s your child who shouldn’t get want they want. Not the one whose birthday it is.

They can’t just invite another child for the sleepover part! And they aren’t going to want the hoo-haa of handing over a child who is going home.

Your child has been invited for two days at a theme park and a night in a hotel to celebrate a friends birthday. That is what you are accepting or declining.

Tbf if it was my DD and she asked if a friend could sleepover too and i didnt know them too well, I would personally tell DD that the friend could come for the day only. Then I would ask the parent first and see what they said, that way the child wouldn't even need to know i was considering it. If the parent said yes i have one happy child. If not then she was non the wiser. My child respects what I say, if she has to wait for something she wants then she waits. Sometimes she doesn't always get what she wants, and I think it's a good way to raise them rather than them expecting everything. Yes they can ask but it doesn't mean they always get.

"I" "I" "I"

You are only focusing on you.

You wouldn't invite a child you didn't know well but they did.

Your daughter will end up missing out on so much, especially at secondary school, if you keep your rigid way of thinking

Why couldn't they invite another child for the sleepiver part I'm confused? They're doing another trip to collect DD as it is on the way there, so could also bring another child along. I would pick up DD from the park and they can continue with their evening. They would still need to do 2 trips on the way back if my DD stayed with them. So inviting another child wouldnt make a difference

Im just explaining that the child didnt need to be upset if I was asked first.

I hardly know where to begin.

Nobody can not understand why they may not want to bring two extra children on a trip to a theme park. It’s just not possible that you can’t work out reasons for yourself.

Is it Alton Towers? Because if you're in London I'd assume Legoland, Thorpe Park (though they're a little young) or Chessington to be able to do a drop off and then come back and pick your DD and friend up.

You now seem to be suggesting they take a 2nd friend ALL day?

She really won't miss out in seniors though lol I don't restrict her from doing things at all, she went on her residential with the school, it's just this particular situation I dont feel comfortable with

She will if you insist on more than a couple of months to know a family before you let them have her for a sleepover 🤣

She'll be making new friends in September who will be having sleepovers by Christmas

Starting to realise I’m a bit more relaxed than most. I don’t mean that in a “I’m better than you” way, I mean it like I’m toooo relaxed as I’ve read a few threads like this lately m. I’ve done this with friends who I’ve known the same amount of time, or less. I will make sure I can call my child whenever I want and vice versa but other than that, if I get a good feeling from the parents I allow it . I’ve had so may kids stay with me too. I’m a nice, normal (ish) Mum and no one has ever said no to me for a sleepover, but if we were going by your standards, they all would. You have to trust your instincts tho, if you’re not feeling it, then don’t!