Sleepover - opinions pls

[Daisydoo23]

My DD has been asked to go to a theme park and stay over in a hotel with her friend for her birthday and her family (mom, stepdad, brother and sister plus friend) so they get 2 days at the park. A bit of context:

My DD (11) has been friends with a girl from school for around 12 months.
I have spoken to the girls mom around 5/6 times at the school, a handleful of texts.
DD has said previously that the friend cannot go downstairs until told to (which i think is strange).
Neither have been to each other's houses for the day in that time, let alone sleepover

I understand it's a nice gesture, but AIBU to think it's bold of the mom to ask for the overnight stay considering the above? I personally couldn't ask someone for permission for their child to stay over elsewhere considering they haven't even stayed at my home or even visited for the day?

I have said that DD can go for the day but I'm not happy for the overnight stay, I know nothing about them, haven't met the other children or stepdad. The mom said the stepdad would take the mom and siblings and come back for my DD with her friend, well I drive, so surely it would be easier for me to just take her myself?

But I just wanted others opinions really. Wwyd have done in this situation?

It's thorpe park. And yes another friend to stay over and DD for the day

What, so is the 2nd child supposed to sit in the car all day?

Good for them! She can have people stay at my home so I'm sure she'll survive

@ThatsWhatIGoToSchool don't be so naive. Just a few articles

www.cps.gov.uk/cps/news/former-scout-leader-who-assaulted-19-boys-jailed

www.theguardian.com/society/2021/jul/25/uk-ireland-child-sexual-abuse-scout-movement

www.itv.com/news/granada/2025-01-28/paedophile-who-fled-to-paradise-for-27-years-finally-stands-trial

www.hertsad.co.uk/news/21919413.scout-leader-finally-jailed-indecently-assaulting-girls-35-years-ago/

www.kentonline.co.uk/gravesend/news/brownie-groups-suspended-after-grooming-arrest-192900/

I remember my old boss telling me, many years ago, about the time he went on a camping trip with the cubs because his son was a member, so he went as an adult helper. He shared a tent with the leader who was, some years later, convicted of child sexual abuse.

What? Why would they be in the car all day? They'd be on the rides with everyone else. They'd be picked up by the friends stepdad with my dd in the morning and stay overnight with them and come back the next day. My dd would come home with me at the end of the first day

Except she risks being ostracised for being the child never allowed to their house

You have no idea

They don’t want her, they want to give her a trip out. She’s important to you, of course, but pretty much nobody else actually wants your child.

Yes so you think they should pay for TWO children to go to the park then

You can't be this stupid surely?

It's not "incredibly rude"; that is a ridiculous comment

Absolutely not. Sleep overs should be banned altogether in my opinion

I can believe that! I mean I know you could know someone for years and it still happen, it's life unfortunately, people can be deceiving. However I'd feel a lot more comfortable had I known the family since reception say, and been to their houses etc, parties over the years. But you still never know, they say its usually family/close friends. But where i can minimise the risk i will

Thankyou!

Thankyou!

I offered to pay for DD. So if the child wanted another child to come then they could have taken me up on the offer. So no im not expecting them to pay for 2 children

DD is 11. She has plenty of time in her later teens to have a sleepover. But right now whilst I can minimise risk where I think there's a risk, I will

Kids come to sleepovers at mine. But all female house. If I have family here ( male) they all stay downstairs and don't sleep over.
No way would I allow sleepover in family room with mixed.

It would be one extra child not two

so this other child’s parents are ok with the sleepover? Is their child not as precious as yours?
why on earth do you think you have the right to change this party to suit you? Just say your DD can’t go. You have every right to make that decision but you can’t change the party to suit you and DD

I agree. Just go with your gut instinct. I remember when DD was about 13/14, the boyfriend of her best friend's mum frequently texted her which I thought was very inappropriate. In normal times I would have challenged it, but at the time I was in a very vulnerable position (long story/ill health), so didn't want to jeopardise the relationship with the mum as she was helping me and DC a lot. I did check with DD what was going on though and monitored the situation. None of the texts were sexual, but it was very odd. I didn't feel comfortable with the guy and it turned out he had been cheating, so they eventually split up.

Just look after them, feed them, be responsible for them

That's the big ask! And so bloody cheeky

To me 11 is old to not have had a sleepover. And in high school you won’t know all your daughters friends parents.

having an additional child with you versus what is planned is more work for them so even if you drop off and collect and pay they still might not want to invite another. Also would mean she gets more friends than her sister which might not go down well.

At least let the parents know that you understand if they would rather invite someone else instead.

She's too young to be sleeping with strangers. I wouldn't allow any sleepover where men are present until my child was old enough to fend for herself and make her own way home if she felt uncomfortable. So basically an adult.

And I'd totally accept that. You can't assume someone you don't know well at all will say yes to that. The whole thing could have been avoided by asking me first, then it wouldnt be awkward to ask someone else. She never said no when I said I'm happy for DD to come for the day

They have only asked my dd. Everyone's saying because I said no then they could have asked someone else. Im saying that they could still ask someone else to stay overnight as my dd can't. I dont get why that's so hard to understand?
I dont live my life to please other people I'm afraid. Been there done that and got taken advantage of. If someone doesn't like what I say or do, I dont change my mind to accommodate them