To go out once a week as a mum of a 6 year old?

[Wonderinglike]

I'm a mum to the most wonderful 6 year old, who's a real mamas boy and would like to have me round constantly if he got the chance!

Through to chance and a few extra invites I've been out a bit more than usual recently (in the evening). Do you think that being out in the evening more than once a week with a young child is too much?

Um no.

Do you think men ask themselves this question?

Are you generally very unsure of yourself @Wonderinglike ?

Has anyone in RL made a comment to make you even ask this?

It's not about men/ women at all, it's because my son would like me home constantly and complains when I do go out. People around me seem to go out much less than this so I've been asking myself if I was being unreasonable!

No. Has someone told you that it is unreasonable?

Nope, it's just because I have a lot of mum guilt. My husband goes out much much less than me and would never say anything

Who’s he left with?

and you need to tell your DS to button it! Presumably he’s in bed anyway.

Unless you will drop you leave him alone or with a much despised grandparent

Of course this is fine. It is healthy for you to still have a life and identity outside of being a mum and it’s healthy for your child to see you have good relationships with people.

I take it you live with your child’s father as you haven’t mentioned having to sort childcare for these social events so what’s the issue? Your child has two parents, by you making an issue about this you’re letting your child think that you’re the more superior parent and theres an issue when mummy leaves but not daddy.

No it’s fine for you to have a break and some time to yourself, who looks after him when you’re out?

Your husband and you need to tell your 6 year old to stop whining

It is about men and women. Women have mum guilt, they tie themselves up in knots for contemplating having a life outside of their children. Men just go out. As mums we all too often lose our identity. Of course you can go out.

Absolutely not too much. I go out far more than that now mine are older. On average I am out four evenings now they are teens (sport, choir, pub/cinema/parties etc). At your DSs age it was twice (sport/pub). It's probablybdcause your huaband never goes our it seems comparatively lots.

Haha, I think this might be the key here actually 🤣👌

I did a post grad course when my youngest was 5 so was out until 9.30 once a week, term time for two years. My children survived and maybe realised that dads can look after their own offspring too.

Your DH needs to step up and stone your 6 year old from whining. If he made an effort to make those nights really fun for your DS it would be much easier for him to

This is such a strange post. Do you mean there isn’t another parent around to put him to bed or something? Wouldn’t he be asleep for most of it? WHY would you think this is not reasonable? I don’t get it.

Gently, I agree that you need to get your 6 year old much more used to the idea of you going out.
This may sound a bit dramatic but I wouldn’t have a son of mine thinking he could dictate to a woman what she could and couldn’t do. He’ll be an adult one day, maybe with a family of his own, and the last thing we need is more men who think a wife and/or mothers place is at home!
Go out! Enjoy yourself! Be free!

Of course, his dad is home with him! I don't understand why this is seen as a strange post, I was simply wondering how much other people go out when they have young children and if my amount of nights out seems excessive 🤔

then no op, it’s not excessive. On the contrary, given your updates, it seems vital! Otherwise you’re giving all the wrong messages to your son - like your life revolves around him for example.

Christ, everyone is piling in a bit on the kid (who is 6 &loves his mum) and the dad (who is home on a night more than the OP this).

I think it kind of depends on what you are doing that one night every week. Going out till 2am getting plastered then i'd probably say a bit of excessive.

If its to go to cinema, gym class, meet friend for a catch up, then not excessive.

Child might have a whinge, but that's ok. Assume he's fine once you've actually left the house.

Going out one evening a week to do something sounds like a bare minimum to be honest. When do you do things like exercise, see friends?

I rarely go out, not because of mum guilt or anything like that, but cos I prefer being home. But when I do, DD generally does get upset (and then I think I should do it more to make it more normal for her, and never do cos I like being home).

Doesn't stop me if I have a few different occasions close together though. I'm allowed to have my life and she will appreciate that I gave myself time to do what I wanted/needed when she's older and wondering the same things all women wonder.

I think YABU to even need to ask the question. Go out and have fun.

Totally fine OP don’t beat yourself up x

Questions like this make me wonder if I've damaged my children, I went out pretty much whenever I was invited or wanted to when they were that age. They probably didn't even know as they would have been in bed.

What time are you going out @Wonderinglike and where to earlier than a 6 year olds bed time?