To go out once a week as a mum of a 6 year old?

[Wonderinglike]

I'm a mum to the most wonderful 6 year old, who's a real mamas boy and would like to have me round constantly if he got the chance!

Through to chance and a few extra invites I've been out a bit more than usual recently (in the evening). Do you think that being out in the evening more than once a week with a young child is too much?

Oh don’t be so ridiculous.

I am more than a mother.

Absolutely this. I see this on here quite a bit the kid doesn't want to do something or go somewhere so it doesn't happen.
Boggles my mind that some parents have it arse about face. I don't mean kids shouldn't have a say but the final decision is not theirs to make.

It’s totally normal for a 6yo to be a bit clingy and act up or get upset when one parent leaves - ignore anyone telling you to tell him to shut up or any other equally horrible replies here.

And it’s still absolutely fine to take time to yourself. He’s safe and cared for with his dad and you’re setting the expectation of what family life looks like that he will carry into adulthood and future relationships.

Due to our lifestyle we have a nanny and are often out 1-3 nights a week. But of course I was told on here that I am unreasonable. These are mostly for work events too. Mumsnet eh! 🤣

I have friends who are cabin crew who are away 2-4 nights per week but then get several days off in a row at home with their children.

@Wishingitwaswinter

i totally agree. Once every six weeks would be more appropriate. And the gym can wait until your child is much older too. It’s all part and parcel of being a good mother- your child comes first.

Are you going out in the evening? My 4yr old is in bed by 1930, so it’s not like they’re missing out on seeing me!! I could probably go out every night and they’d be none the wiser. Not sure my husband would be too happy about it!!

It's a really strange post. Don't you know other people with young children who go out in the evenings? I do an activity once a week with a woman who has a three year old -- she also socialises in the evenings on other days, and we're going on a weekend away next month with the other people we do the activity with. Her child will be with his dad.

Hi all. Thank you so much to everyone who has responded.
To answer some of the questions- I don't drink and I am never home later than 11pm ,at the very latest. Once a week is the maximum, and I work school hours so do every single pick up and drop off, all weekends are as well family time. So we do see plenty of each other and family time is priority :)
I really appreciated all of the insights but won't revisit this thread now I come to the conclusion that I am probably not BU but do feel free to discuss. All the best to everyone!

When my DD was your son's age I had a job that meant I was out of the house after tea once or twice a week, she didn't like it at first but quickly remembered she had Daddy wrapped around her finger so got later bedtimes (only slightly later, he's not that much of a pushover 😆) and realised Dadddy was much better at bedtime storytelling. I think there's always a period of adjustment when a young child's life changes (even slightly) but he should get used to the idea that Mum has a life outside caring for him.

@Wonderinglike

what would happen if you stayed out past 11pm?? Would you turn into a pumpkin?? Live a little , OP!

When mine are in periods of transition such as new class, house move etc I stay home of an evening because they are emotionally fragile and need me/I want to be with them.
in normal life, I don’t think twice about it.

How would your children be damaged by you going out- especially if they didn’t know you were gone?

The child is with his dad! Do children need both parents at home all all times (apart from once every 6 weeks) or is it not also an important part of being a good father?

Some kids are like that.

I think it's important you and your DH work together to help your DS handle you being out. Uts really important that DH helps your son with this, and works with him to be more positive about your evenings out.

Things like

1. Mums and dads have friends and interests that mean they go out regularly. This is healthy and fun. It's just as important as when you get to spend time with your friends/at activities
2. It's normal to be sad I'm not here and to miss me. It's OK to talk to dad about that.
3. It's nice to give me a hug when I leave, say that you miss me but you hope I have fun.
4. It's not nice to tell me I can't go out. That makes me feel guilty about doing fun things for myself, and that's not fair. We want nice things for the people we love.
5. Depending on his emotional maturity, you can start to explore things like... it's OK to feel the feelings, but they are your feelings. It's not OK to make other people feel bad or to make demands that plans are changed just because it makes you have sad feelings. Feeling all sorts of feelings like sadness, annoyance, are very normal parts of life.

Have you watched Inside Out together - that's a good movie for looking at the complexities of feelings and how you can feel multiple things at the same time (happy for mum that she's having a nice evening with friends and sad for yourself because you will miss her).

Good luck!

Oh, may I ask why it didn't do your child any favours? Did they become clingy?

No, not at all. But I made myself such a bloody martyr that I was desperately unhappy. Shouty and snappy at times because I hated my life. Everything was for him. I did nothing else. I was young and lived my 20s like an old woman, standing in the kitchen making sure it was all perfect.

It killed me inside. I would have been a far better mother if I’d had my own life.

I worked away and spent a night away from my kids a week for months, and often have to do it now. I did sadly get questioned by a couple of people (often other mums) but no one would ask a man. It’s fine OP.

I have a 6yo and I go out one evening a week to line dancing and once a month to a writers group. My DH does tennis and table tennis. I like the fact our DD sees that we also enjoy hobbies and have interests. Then once a month grandparents babysit whilst we have a date night. I think it does wonders for our mental health which helps us be better parents to her. Also she adores her grandparents so she loves it.

@Quagmireschin

thats really sad. When you look back what do you think made you feel you had to be that way? Societal pressure?

God no. I was only 22 when I had him. I had no pressure, eveyone I knew was just finishing uni.

I mean, I didn’t want to leave him. I planned to be a SAHM. I don’t know what it was. But I didn’t do a thing without him for 12 years. It didn’t help that I moved us to a rural place though. No one wanted to come up and stare at sheep and I was the youngest by about 40 years.

His sister was born when he was 12. I lived in London then and had met a lovely bunch of people. I was out all the time, I had a life and interests. It was brilliant. I was a far better parent for it.

No gym until the kid is much older? So if a woman has more than one kid, are you seriously suggesting she should just....not exercise outside the home for potentially a decade? No gym, yoga, Pilates, netball whatever? Just curious about your thinking. You do realise that women are a lot more susceptible to conditions like osteoporosis, pelvic floor issues and back problems if they don't exercise, right?
Nights out once every six weeks tops seems a bit restrictive. My preschooler goes to bed by 8pm. Does it really affect him emotionally if I pop out for a pint down the pub with a friend after he is asleep and leave DH in charge? Or go to a gym class? Or is it just the principle of me as a mum of a young child being outside the home in the night time?

@Olinguita

exercise just isn’t a priority when the children are young

Don’t be ridiculous 😂😂😂

This has to be a wind up 🤣 …. 10 years! 😳

My oldest is 23, my youngest get is 5 and I have one inbetween … so I shouldn’t have taken time to exercise for the last 23 years? Righto…