To go out once a week as a mum of a 6 year old?

[Wonderinglike]

I'm a mum to the most wonderful 6 year old, who's a real mamas boy and would like to have me round constantly if he got the chance!

Through to chance and a few extra invites I've been out a bit more than usual recently (in the evening). Do you think that being out in the evening more than once a week with a young child is too much?

No of course once a week isn't excessive!

I go out two - three evenings a week (have a two and five year old). The kids moan about it most of the time but they always survive.

I used to when the kids were that age. And once a week was fine, but if I had multiple, and they were usually work-related, I'd try to limit them.

I go out at least once a week and I’ve never felt guilty about it. I would go stir crazy and be a much worse mum if I had 0 social life

What is it you go out to do?

I think this is all the more reason for you to go out.
Cut the apron strings a bit and stop him behaving like a needy toddler.
There is nothing cute about being a 'mama's boy' when he is in year 1!

My six year old gets terribly upset when either of us or (rarely) both of us go out. Proper big tears! My four year old is less concerned and barely looks up. Every kid is different. We've explained endlessly that mummy and daddy need time to ourselves and to do our own thing to make us better parents but she's six and doesn't really understand that all. Hopefully she will one day and maybe even appreciate that we took the time we needed. I will say, that I have video evidence from grandparents of her laughing away and happy as anything a mere moments after we left once, despite the tantrum at the door.

I’d understand more if you asked about going out every weekend during the day but surely he’s in bed in the evening so it doesn’t make any difference to him?

I go out 3 nights a week to the gym and then additional nights if I’m invited out with friends. I deserve a life too

Do it. If you give in to your moaning son now you'll be making a rod for your own back. Also by going out you'll make him eventually realise you are an individual with a life to live. If you give in to this you can forget any social life

Hi OP, I have a 3 yo and a 6yo and I am out one or two nights a week.

They are both happy to be put to bed by Dad or our after school nanny.

My daughter is very attached to me and would not allow Dad to do bedtime if I was home. But she gets on with it and is actually better behaved when im out!

Maybe dad can come up with a fun little bedtime routine that only happens when you're out and it'll be great bonding for them. Like a game of uno or snakes and ladders or something after dinner.
X

By 6, he should understand that you are a separate person to him with your own wants and needs.

My husband and I are both involved in am dram (we take turns to be in productions) and close to opening night we are likely to be at the theatre 4 or 5 nights a week.

The other parent is there and perfectly capable of looking after her. DD is 5 now and whilst she's glad when a production is over she gets that we are not just her parents and deserve to pursue our hobbies, as she does.

I've always explained that they get playdates to hang out with their friends and have fun, and mums have grown-up playdates with their friends :)

Its so important to model maintaining friendships & a social life

Plenty of parents have hobbies (sports, gym, crafts, running things like guides) or commitments (caring for relatives) etc which mean they are gone much more often than once a week. Presumably you're only losing about 2 hours a week max with him as hes asleep most of the evening anyway.

I’ve got a 5 year old (and a 12 year old and a 23 year old).

I’d be out every other night if I had anyone to go with, but I’m mid 40s and everyone I know is obsessed with early nights. It’s maddening!

With my other two, I lived in London and I knew so many more people who wanted to go out, I was out at least once a week, with an hour or so popping to the pub for a chat on a week night. I would love that again, and wouldn’t even think about it.

As the mother of an adult - keep your own life.

I hate the term mum guilt. You are still your own person.

Just go out.

My dh also went out a lot less than me when I was out all the time, but he had a really full on job, so he was over the moon to put the kids to bed and have a few hours on his computer while I was out.

How many nights is it? If it's 5 nights then maybe I could see this as being a bit much, and I wouldn't want my husband going out that many times leaving me to deal with bedtime each night.
Think it also depends on what you are doing. Sometimes things happen like friends plan catch ups which all fall at the same time then I might not do anything social for a while again. If it's something you could do once the child is in bed then I would probably work around that too e.g. I generally met friends after 7 when mine were little.

Other people go out less due to less opportunities, for example if all your friends are mum friends with different circumstances at home it can be tricky, or due to costs or unsupportive husbands, loads of reasons. Some simply don't want to. Absolutely no reason why you can't if you're enjoying it.

this is such a strange post. Of course it’s fine. Do you think that children with parents who work at night eg paramedic are damaged by it? Of course not.

Does he think that adults see their friends at work in the same way that he sees his friends at school? Explain that adults can only meet in the evening after work and that you look forward to seeing them the same way that he looks forward to
seeing his friends. If you think that it might be FOMO, explain that you’re doing stuff that he’d find boring/can’t do like drinking wine and chatting.

If anything you need to consider going out more - even if it’s just to pop out to the Co-op for milk.

100000% acceptable. Even if your child was 1 years old and not 6 I’d be saying the same

You are modelling a healthy adulthood with friends and commitments outside of the family, there is absolutely nothing wrong with this.

No of course not. You're fine.

As many PPs have pointed out, when did a man last get asked this question?

Providing your child is safe and with a trusted person and provided its not every night of the week, there's absolutely no problem. "Mum guilt" is a complete waste of time.

You need to (gently) get your son used to this. You don't want to be dealing with this sort of thing in ten years.

*some women have mum guilt. (And I'd suggest it's the ones who spend too much time on social media - she says tapping away on MN.)

One of mine was like this OP, she survived and is a well balanced adult now … didn’t seem to cause her lasting trauma!

It’s easier for kids if every bedtime is exactly the same, but that doesn’t teach them resilience. They need to learn that they are safe in many different constellations. I just say I’ll kiss them when I get in and if they wake up in the middle of the night I’ll be there. Be confident and don’t waiver.
The other parent can help a lot by commenting that mummy works hard and it’s nice for her to have fun with her friends/exercise/go to French class.