How much sympathy would you have for a colleague in this situation?

[Bloopbloopbleep]

Colleague returned from maternity leave around a year ago.
Sleep deprivation still an issue and regularly at work having not slept. No SEN, just a kid who doesn't like to sleep.
Doing a fair job but not as good as pre-mat leave. More forgetful and less energetic but no major balls have been dropped yet.
If you were a colleague of this person, how much sympathy would you have and how much would they just annoy you?

BauhauOfEliott is right as usual 😂 ( if you’ve read her posts before Op on different topics ) .
People don’t notice for all the reasons she listed above .

Has anybody said anything or are you just worrying inside your own head? If no-one has said anything and your work isn’t cause for concern I’d cut myself some slack and stop fretting.

She needs support, and I personally have supported three colleagues through exactly this. I had my son when I was young, before I established myself at work, but 15 years later I had a lovely job where I stayed until they shut the offices and made us all redundant - but 3 women I worked directly with (all of us doing the same role) all became pregnant over a 2-year period. I was the only one who didn't get pregnant within our team as I'd had my child, so it fell to me to help, support and cover. Which I did do.

I don't know, I just didn't mind. Sure there were some frustrations, e.g. having to miss a lunch break to cover something they would have done were they in the office and not WFH (and this was before WFH was a thing) but otherwise no, I didn't mind at all.

*Editing to add that one of the women had a particularly tough time. Before she met her partner/father of their child, she was financially stable, own flat, etc. He was horrible with money, and she ended up bailing him out to such an extent that she couldn't afford to buy lunch while she was pregnant. Yep I helped her with that, too. She paid me back - not that I asked her to. So yes, happy to help as you never know what someone is dealing with. You also hope that that's extended to you when you need it.

I would be incredibly sympathetic. Doesn’t matter if the child has SEN or not… the lack of sleep has the same effect on mum. Wanting someone to be 100% back to pre-baby performance on not enough sleep is just silly.

In any organisation, I'd say that at any given time, 1/2 to 1/4 of the employees will be struggling with something. Health, children, marital, elderly parent care, debt etc etc etc.

If you're at work, you need to be able to perform. Yes, people might notice if you used to excel and now you just meet standard. But as long as you're meeting the standard...

Lots of sympathy as I've been them! It's a really hard stage of life and it does absolutely get easier eventually but realistically i wish there was more support for parents juggling small children and working who are getting no sleep, its absolutely brutal.

Oh - haha, how did I miss that?!

I'd stop worrying about whether you're annoying anybody to be honest...you're in survival mode right now, and you just need to focus on getting through each day. Never mind how anyone else feels about it!

I would try to be sensitive to my colleague's need for a nap.
Agree to help identify a place for them to snooze for their lunch hour.
Their work performance needs sleep.

If I was your colleague, I'd have nothing but sympathy and would actively see how I could support you in work. I'm a manager and I do would what I could to offer support and enable flexibility.

You are doing an amazing job and you have all my sympathy (fellow single mother and I know the stress of parenting / working).

The PP who says she doesn't care about her fellow employees, only professionally - I could not work like this, and I do not. I actively hate that 'leave your private life at the door' shite. We are all whole people dealing with complex life challenges, whatever they are - sometimes work, sometimes personal - and as work colleagues, we do best when we support, reasonably, each other to the best of our abilities.

I would be very supportive and probably encourage her to document anything of note incase they tried to fire her or manage her out. Companies are souless entities that do not care about their employees. If you died on shift they would replace you before your body had gone cold, so I always try and support my colleagues over the company. That’s probably why I’m self employed now tho.

Sympathy? I think she needs help, guidance and encouragement. Maybe just talk to her, she could be having a harder time than you think

Not all companies are like this.

Yes, I've been treated brutally at times too, so I know why you say this but many organisations are also supportive and genuinely want the best for their staff.

Having been in that situation myself, my sympathy and patience would be almost limitless.

I'd have some sympathy

How much would depend to what extent the colleague was addressing the situation eg sleep training or making a rod for their own back

You looking a bit knackered and needing a lot of coffee is not going to annoy anyone, OP, and if it does then it’s their problem, not yours. It sounds like you’re doing your job more than adequately. Life changes a lot after having a baby - even if they sleep well - and you do not have any obligation to remain your perky pre-baby self.

I would have a lot of sympathy and so would the organisation I work for.

Well if they hadn't told you they'd not slept would you be able to tell? You say no mistakes have been made. So I wouldn't be premtively annoyed at someone in case the 'might' do something wrong, no. That would be a waste of my time.

If she kept fucking up then I'd be annoyed. But it wouldn't be anything to do with the fact she has a baby. Or that she had no sleep. I can't control when staff go to bed. Or how easily and well the sleep.

Most people don't announce the number of somnent hours they experience. So I'd just be annoyed they were making mistakes.

I would have sympathy because I’m not a sociopath.

I would have a lot of sympathy provided that there were no safety implications…if they were a pharmacist or a pilot or something then sympathy or not, it cannot be tolerated.

Plenty as I'm not a complete b*tch.

Some people hit the jackpot and have kids that sleep well, others have utter hell for years on end. Most of us have 2 children with completely different sleep patterns as babies so it's not nurture.

As someone who's had kids and managed lots of others, you need to roll with it for a bit and assume they are probably going to be sub par for a while. If it's not sleep, it's because their kids are picking up all kinds of bugs and passing them right to their parents. Giving people some latitude to cope the best they can usually breeds some sort of loyalty and pay back in extra effort long term. Being a dick, means they are out of there as soon as they can take the risk on being the "last in", in another company.

Sometimes there ar epoeple who take the p*ss. Think that they somehow have it worse than EVERYBODY else who's ever had kids. That they have the sole right to Christmas off, the school holiday window of annual leave or first dibs on flexi time to have every Friday off just because they have children. Having kids is a lifestyle choice so they can suck it up or find a job that works better for them. Getting through the early years needs some support though.

As a mum of 2 little ones, I would have your back💐

Honestly OP…there are loads of people getting plenty of sleep, no physical or mental health issues, under no particular stress who are completely incompetent or uninterested/lazy at work because it’s just who they are as a person.

Men aren’t making sure their hair is freshly washed and they have a full face of make up on for work…they are spending that time getting extra sleep. You’re fine.

Honestly OP…there are loads of people getting plenty of sleep, no physical or mental health issues, under no particular stress who are completely incompetent or uninterested/lazy at work because it’s just who they are as a person.

Men aren’t making sure their hair is freshly washed and they have a full face of make up on for work…they are spending that time getting extra sleep. You’re fine.

Honestly OP…there are loads of people getting plenty of sleep, no physical or mental health issues, under no particular stress who are completely incompetent or uninterested/lazy at work because it’s just who they are as a person.

Men aren’t making sure their hair is freshly washed and they have a full face of make up on for work…they are spending that time getting extra sleep. You’re fine.