How much sympathy would you have for a colleague in this situation?

[Bloopbloopbleep]

Colleague returned from maternity leave around a year ago.
Sleep deprivation still an issue and regularly at work having not slept. No SEN, just a kid who doesn't like to sleep.
Doing a fair job but not as good as pre-mat leave. More forgetful and less energetic but no major balls have been dropped yet.
If you were a colleague of this person, how much sympathy would you have and how much would they just annoy you?

Poor woman.
Also she wont know about SEN if the baby is only a year. Terrible sleeper can be an early sign.

Also if she’s doing fine then there’s no issue. Im sure many men do ‘just fine’.

I would have a lot of sympathy. I have a 2 year old who is not a great sleeper- although we seem to be turning a corner 🤞 periods of illness are very taxing though!

I'm still good at my job but no longer consistently great- luckily my team are wonderful and supportive and don't hold that against me. I am told quite often by the wider team and general public that I look very tired. I just laugh.

Solidarity to you in your sleep deprivation and I hope it improves soon!

I would have lots of empathy OP, been there and done that.
No wonder the birth rate is dropping. Ideally women should -
Work hard to establish well paid and meaningful careers ( no relying on benefits).
Be child focused and put motherhood first. No preprepared foods or shortcuts around breastfeeding, diet, routines for babies, stimulating activities.

Look great , or at least not tired. Wear makeup and nice clothes. Don't be overweight, underweight etc.
At any point be prepared to care for older relatives. This is usually later than the baby stage , but can collide as women have babies later ( to make sure they have all the above wrapped up and under control ).
OP you sound like a great mum and colleague / employee. If I was there i would make you extra cups of tea and provide cake. Be proud of yourself xx

I'm glad you are sympathetic, and I sympathise with your insomnia but having suffered insomnia for years too, sleepless children are something else, bc just as you might drop off, there's a yell for mummy. When they wake in their time, not yours, its mummy mummy, even if you are in the deepest sleep, your body gets into permanently ready to jump mode. And its something most of us have zero control over.

If you know someone having a tough time with this, offer to sit for an afternoon so they can sleep.

I feel like sympathy is the wrong word, maybe some grace. But I apply this to most people, you never know what’s going on in someone’s life. Unless it’s a regular pattern of screw up and mistakes which is different. They are meeting their targets and might be more forgetful and less energetic but I don’t think that’s an issue

A bit of empathy for our fellow humans that are having a hard time doest go a miss.
Some hard hearted posters❤️👍

Been there, done that and so would have loads of sympathy. It's not going to be forever, but some kids just don't sleep and that has an ongoing impact on their parents. And you say no SEN, but you can't possibly know that they won't be diagnosed in future.

This.

Solidarity high five

I have a poor sleeper who is now 2 and I regularly wonder what colleagues think if I say I’m knackered (which I only do if they ask) as it seems ok to admit to with a newborn but not as they get older?! I also used to go above and beyond but now don’t often have the energy. I wouldn’t worry now annoying you are or if people are judging, honestly. You have enough on your plate with a baby and sleep deprived- if they’re thinking it, so what?! You’re a superwoman for being able to function at all! (And I say that as a Mum with two so I have come out the other side of poor sleep with the first!)

I know it’s not helpful right now, but it DOES get easier and you’ll get back to the person who does a bit extra and also who doesn’t need concealer and caffeine to look functional! But you’re in good company - a week night and I won’t be sleeping much tonight!!

OP you handled this response SO well. That person sounded like a rude dick and either has never had children who don’t sleep or was just born a bellend. I am so in awe of you. I’m always on tears when my soon to be three old doesn’t sleep

None at all. Having experienced several colleagues who don't pull their weight, it's extremely annoying and impacts everyone.

You say they are doing a fair job and no balls have been dropped so far so I don't see an issue. If the person was not showing up due to lack of sleep then that would annoy me. As a parent it is one of the things you just have to deal with. I also had a poor sleeper and was regularly driving round in the small hours trying to get her to sleep.
When you become a parent there are so many other things to deal with not just work. I know from my perspective when I go to work I have many things juggling in my head but luckily I know my job backwards so my work is not affected.

I can't believe the lack of sympathy by some "mums" on here. Yes I would be hugely sympathetic OP, you are massively up against it as a single mum with zero sleep. I was lucky to have a good sleeper but even then having a toddler (who later turned out to have ADHD) was so tiring. I also remember the cluster feeding nights with a new born and it is so brutal functioning on zero sleep the next day.

If you're still doing your contracted job then well done OP, please be gentle on yourself, theres no way you can go above and beyond in your situation it won't be forever. Also anyone who judges you on your tired appearance can get to fuck. Xx

Hope your little one gets to be a better sleeper soon. Xx

You are so deeply unpleasant. Can only assume you’re a very unhappy and bitter twat

I think that as the returnee is doing their job with no major mistakes, just not as energetic... leave them alone! Let the individual get their working head working again. What support have you offered? Hells bells.

Yes I would be very sympathetic. It’s such hard work parenting and working and doing both on no sleep must be awful. You said no balls have been dropped etc so it sounds like colleague is still working well considering! It’s surprising to me how many others on this thread have little sympathy. Working mums should look out for one another it’s hard enough as it is.

One of the things I took from therapy that I find it helpful to remind myself of is that just because something negative or challenging has happened in the past it doesn’t mean it will happen again in the future. 1 is still very little and it is completely normal to still be struggling with sleeping through the night at that age. Things are going to get better and come together. All babies are different, including within the same family and any possible future baby is not going to be the same.

It’s also completely normal for both men and women to change after having a child your priorities and responsibilities have changed but that doesn’t make you any less of an asset in the work force. It’s ok to simply ‘do your job’ (let’s face it, most of your colleagues are probably doing that or less) for a few years as there will be plenty of time once DC is in school to make more headway with job progression.

Try not to waist valuable headspace on worrying about what it looks like to others. Go easy on yourself or you will burn yourself out.

I would have lots of sympathy and provided it didn’t impact directly on my job safety/ reputation , I would over look things and offer support . If it could impact on my own job safety , I would discuss this with her discreetly and see if there was anyway to support her.

I would remember that a mother is frowned upon for returning to work and frowned upon for not working , so can’t win. I would remember that a woman takes the bulk of the pressure and is only human. I would remember that in this world, women have to work harder at proving themselves in most lines of work than men do and would show her that female solidarity.

Huge sympathy. Poor thing. It's such a hard time in your life.

Lack of sleep is a terrible affliction. I'd be sympathetic so long as she was showing that she still takes her job seriously and does her best to work efficiently. Not bothering would be annoying.

I’d still feel sorry for them, sounds like they are doing their best

Id also ask myself if i didn't know their previous children performance are they working at an acceptable level

Thanks, I’ll think myself lucky when I sleep for two hours tonight despite being exhausted. 🙄

I've just come out of nearly 3 years of bad sleep with my youngest so I would sympathise and give her some grace. We are not robots.

Most women do 130% of the job so a woman sleep deprived will be doing 80% minimum. Getting someone new in would mean dropping to 30%- you’re doing fine OP