To not buy a £1,000 present for DH birthday?

[DandyReader]

Usually, dh and I buy each other an experience for each other's birthdays. But this year, DH is turning 30. He said he'd prefer if I get him a gift. Fair enough, he'd like something to keep.

He has been banging on about getting a 'nice watch' for years. He could afford to buy one himself but knows it's a splurge. He has shown me multiple watches around the £1,000 mark and keeps dropping hints how he really wants a nice watch but can't justify that for himself. He hasn't explicitly asked, but I think he's hoping.

I could easily buy one for him, but I don't want to. I have savings targets to meet and don't want to start a precedent of spending silly money on gifts. AIBU?

I’m pretty sure she’d have disclosed that as an added defence for her meanness.

YES, obviously there are watches at that price point, but are they going to lose value the second you drive them off the forecourt 😂 It sounds like there's a lot of variation in terms of holding value or not.

If I'm spending that kind of money, I'm researching it and making sure it's a worthy purchase AND something that will be appreciated. I'm not spending that amount just because "baby wants a shiny".

But it's what he wants. He might not like the look or want to wear one of these blasted 'investment' watches. He wants the £1,000 one and despite him saying so the mean OP, who could afford to buy it won't because she's got a savings programme for something she won't tell us about.

Not unreasonable, it’s your choice. However, assuming you’re a similar age to him, prioritising your ‘savings targets’ over an affordable (to you) treat for someone you love seems… unappealing. You’re married, presumably intend to stay that way, why not be generous with each other if and when you can afford to be. You can’t take it with you…

i think yabu - if i could afford this i would purchase it no question!

You do realise she has asked people for their opinions

I don't think the OP is coming back, but I think the issue is more that they usually do experiences and I expect that is something they both get to do. If the gift was £1000 on something she got to join in with I expect the money would be spent on it. Because he has asked for a material item on this occasion she doesn't want to pay for it as she gets nothing from it.

Thanks for staying in our conversation, it made me realise that this whole thread is of little value, because everyone is answeringbased on our assumptions about their financial arrangements.

With my DP we have shared account and personal accounts - money in personal accounts are money we can spend in any way we wish without consulting the other one or feeling guilty about it. We typically buy presents from that (so they aren't visible in shared account), but we prefer smaller surprise gifts, something we pick for each other. We believe you should select your own expensive items, so money aren't wasted on something you don't really love.

So maybe we actually agree with each other - I was suggesting in my first reply to gift him a blessing to buy it from the joint account.

It depends on which brand and model and if it's pre owned or new. What is a decent watch? One that tells time accurately or one that doesn't but looks good (whatever that means)

Which brand(s) and models is he looking at?

I think we're pretty much in agreement.

We both have personal credit card accounts and the statements are secreted for a while when there are presents bought. Balances paid from joint current account so ultimately all 'our' money and no whinging over cost because large purchases are agreed.

I think we always considered marriage to be a partnership.

Brandalley often have £2k watches for £300, or similar. Depends what he's after but worth having a look. He gets his special piece and you meet your savings goal.

So? If he's an enthusiast, then sure, he knows what he wants. If he just wants "a nice watch", then there are probably better options than the few he's randomly googled for that price. If you're spending that kind of money, you want it to be a worthwhile purchase, no?

Being able to afford £1k doesn't mean being flush enough to burn it. Not wanting to waste that kind of money is just... normal.

Sorry, no, if I spend money on my husband I want it to be on what he wants. I might suggest we look at options together but ultimately if I buy him something, whether I think it’s a good (investment) choice or not, I want it to be what he wants.

To be honest though, I don't think we will get any more insight into the detail because the OP is long gone, leaving us all to speculate and bicker.

A grand for a birthday present?!? More money than sense. Surely a present is something you see/pick out for someone that you think they’ll love? Something that they’d never likely buy themselves or even think of? “I saw it and knew you’d love it”
I’ve never, ever given ‘hints’ nor asked for anything, I just don’t see the point. That’s not what gifts are meant to be about. I was always taught that they’re meant to surprise the person. It’s not a thoughtful gift if they asked for it or as in this case, hinted at it. Perhaps I’m just old fashioned, as I often are.
Besides and pls forgive my bluntness here, it sounds like you’re both loaded so what does it matter which of you pays for the watch?

Ps, since when was 30 a ‘milestone’ birthday? After 21 it should be 40, no?

Strange the OP hasn’t come back! 🤔

Explain your finances and the general dynamics of the relationship.

Well, yes, obviously. You talk about it and look at options together. Like I said, for that money I want to be sure that he's gonna love it AND it's a worthwhile purchase (ie. That he he will STILL love in five, ten, twenty years' time).

I don't see how you're arguing with that tbh, maybe you just like arguing. I've noticed some MNers are like that 😂 Carry on, by all means.

No, I don’t like arguing, I do enjoy discussions though.

Surely if he still loves it in 15 years even if its value has dropped from £1,000 to 1,000p makes it a good investment. A present costing 2p a day isn’t much is it?

My point regarding the OP not giving us enough detail stands because she hasn’t said if he wants it as an investment or just to use and he likes the look.

As OP has been absent for a couple of days after a single thread starter it probably not worth us getting too invested in the subject. Maybe she didn't like the way the vote went.

And I've given one. 😂

I didn’t say you can’t, you are the one taking issue with people’s responses!

“Icky” This is such a weird take to me. Hinting is generally considered acceptable for gifts

I find it icky that a grown man is hinting that he wants a £1,000 watch. A grown man hinting for a gift of significant cost and saying he can’t justify it himself. I guess every relationship is different but in my mind you either come out and say “I want this specific watch” or leave it up to your significant other to choose one. The hinting element just feels a bit cringe. But each to their own!

This. ExH is 2 years older than me. I brought him a Rolex for his 40th. Turned out he was cheating. By my 40th I’d left him and got nothing.

In many ways, £1k-£3k is about the worst value part of the entire watch market. Majority of the cost is the branding.

Personally I'd recommend getting something just as good quality for £500 or less, perhaps buying something used, or saving up and getting something much more expensive from £5k plus that has some horological credibility.