To not buy a £1,000 present for DH birthday?

[DandyReader]

Usually, dh and I buy each other an experience for each other's birthdays. But this year, DH is turning 30. He said he'd prefer if I get him a gift. Fair enough, he'd like something to keep.

He has been banging on about getting a 'nice watch' for years. He could afford to buy one himself but knows it's a splurge. He has shown me multiple watches around the £1,000 mark and keeps dropping hints how he really wants a nice watch but can't justify that for himself. He hasn't explicitly asked, but I think he's hoping.

I could easily buy one for him, but I don't want to. I have savings targets to meet and don't want to start a precedent of spending silly money on gifts. AIBU?

I love that your husband did this for you. my husabnd is a high earner and has barely ever bought me a gift

"I could easily buy one for him, but I don't want to" from your OP.

Then don't.

It is ok to not buy him the watch. Material things and ownership do not equate to healthy relationship status and communication.

I think the language in your post covers the answer. ‘banging on’ , ‘ I could easily afford it but don’t want to’,

‘ he can’t justify splurging himself’, ‘ I have saving targets to meet’, ‘ dropping hints that he wants a nice watch’. It appears you would resent buying it anyway, so don’t as it would ruin the entire thing if gift giving on a landmark birthday. He definitely sounds as though he doesn’t want to upset the overflowing apple cart because he has never asked you outright. I guess some people have their priorities incased in nether regions

😂😂😂

However do us paupers cope with life?

If you could easily buy one for him and it'd make him happy then why wouldn't you?

You sound stingy OP, sorry. Get him his watch and be done with it.

I think you are missing the point of gifting plus it’s a milestone birthday. You buy what they would like, but what you can afford. If you have the money and can afford it then don’t be tight.

I took hubby away on holiday with out the kids for his birthday November just gone to his fav place. Cost me an arm and a leg, I don’t have savings and had to work my butt off to pay for it. It wasn’t a milestone birthday, but holidays for him mean a lot to him and with having 7 kids holidays are not something we go on every year in fact we need do but I knew how much he would love to be able to afford to go for a reset. So that’s what he got. Did I begrudge the money, I’d rather spend tha sort of money on the house, I see money better spent tha way but it meant a lot to him, now it’s my 40th April and I already know I won’t be getting prob anything 🙈😂 but you don’t gift to receive although receiving is nice haha.

So get him the watch x

whatever you do, don’t buy him a £400 watch that he didn’t ask for. Either get him the luxe one he wants or get him something completely different. There’s been enough Xmas posts about people giving cheap versions that don’t fulfil the recipients expectations, to serve as a lesson for everyone to actually listen to the recipients desires (even if the desire is just to feel fancy)

Don’t do this!!! He doesn’t want the £200-300 watches. He’ll be massively disappointed. Either get him the watch he WANTS or don’t get him a watch at all. Choose something different

All these people baulking over a £1000 watch - how much were your engagement rings worth??
IMO watch is male equivalent of an engagement ring of piece of precious jewellery. If watch is in the ball park if your engagement ring I don’t think it’s totally unreasonable to ask for a milestone birthday (or anniversary)

• finances depending obviously, but sounds like in this case they ca afford it as a special occasion, but OP doesn’t think it’s valuable whereas her partner (the recipient) does. OP, who is the gift for?

If he’s hoping for a 1k watch and you don’t want to spend that on him, how much are you planning to spend and on what? I think it’s just going to end with him disappointed and really is that worth it. Just get him the watch, you can afford it, he will be happy and you can have a nice day.

So it’s ok for men to spend large amounts of money on engagement rings and this is actually expected. But if they ask for a watch they are suddenly being unreasonable. Talk about double standards, and I’m a woman. We don’t help ourselves sometimes.

I’m so confused - it’s your husbands milestone birthday and he wants a nice gift to keep that is admittedly within your means, what do you mean you don’t want to buy it, also it’s not a Breitling for that money so he’s not exactly expecting you to push the boat out that much, I saved for months for my OHs milestone birthday gift, I love my OH so why wouldn’t I want him to have something a bit special

Good point. Maybe mid range among normal folk?

I think it depends on the circumstances. My DH has sometimes hinted at expensive gifts but he also hasn't don't it for me so I would do it personally. Have you had your 30th yet? If your DH would do it for you then I think you should consider it but not otherwise.

I don't think anyone needs a £1,000 gift and, as you say, he can buy one if he really wants one.

My DH used to want a Rolex but he never spent his own money on one. He has more savings than me as he spends less overall.

You could always fall on the old superstition that buying a watch for someone either puts a time on them or on your relationship! “Your time is up”

if it’s to be an everyday watch “if that’s lovely, yes my wife bought it for me for my birthday, it was just what I wanted” then I’d be slightly more inclined to buy it than if it was to sit in a cupboard 362 days a year!!

also if £1000 is going to impact your savings target, I think you should consider if you can really afford it.
if it’s the difference between saving £2k & £3k I’d say it’s not a wise purchase. But if it’s the difference between £29k and £30k, you probably could buy it.

wouldn’t buy anything you’re going to resent seeing every time he wears it though! So you’d need to be fully onboard with it! … or maybe that’s where the superstition comes from ! … I could see it unravelling if I hated a gift I’d bought my husband.

a bit off subject but I am an older person and 30 was never a milestone birthday years ago. It was 18 maybe 21 as well then you waited until you were 40 for the next milestone. Never even went out for my 30 th because had young dcs and no babysitters.

If you can afford it then yes get the nice watch but if not then look at alternatives or give him money towards it. It’s a big birthday so spend a little more

She’s right though. 1k isn’t enough for a nice watch, and I am wearing a Casio f-91 that cost about a tenner.

Its his 30th ? Treat him …. It’s a special birthday. My husband always wanted a Briteling which the cheapest is around £4k … he didn’t ask … but I knew his 40th was coming at the time I was on mat leave but I’d been putting money away for 3 years saving for it . You are not obliged to buy him an expensive watch but if you have the funds to do so, it’s a special birthday and you love him …. Why not ?

It’s a milestone birthday and something he clearly really wants. I don’t understand splurging on expensive jewellery either but since you can afford it and he wants it, I’d do it.

What are you saving for OP?

You can afford it but don’t want to buy it….why? I’m not sure if you realise gifts are supposed to be something the person wants. I don’t think £1000 is that much for a watch and he’s hinting for it because he knows it’s affordable like you said. I think you’re tight

You’re being tight. Prioritising your ‘savings target’ over your husbands milestone birthday?! How would you feel if he said the same amount your special birthday?

A watch is hardly necessary is it just vanity.