Am I allowed to be upset??

[Notamummsymum]

My 99 year old grandma died two days ago. I thought I would have been ok when she passed but it’s affecting me more than I thought. DH keeps saying she’s 99 I can’t expect her to live forever and that I’m making a big deal out of it.

Your husband is a knob, of course you can be upset.

I’m sorry for your loss

Of course your allowed to be upset! Is he always this empathetic?

Of course you are!!

Of course you're 'allowed' to be sad. How exactly is your grieving inconveniencing him?

It doesn't matter how old she was. You've lost someone you care about.

Your husband is vile.

I'm so very sorry for your loss.

I’m sorry for your loss op.

yes, of course you’re allowed to be upset.

Does he often belittle or dismiss your valid feelings op? It’s not a good look.

Perfectly fine for you to be upset - rationally we know people won’t live for ever but a rational mind is irrelevant when we lose someone we love so much.
Grieve however you need to for as much as you need. Im so sorry for your loss, sending love xxxx

Of course you can be upset! Just because someones death is expected doesn't stop it being sad when it happens.

So someone you've loved your entire life has died and you're not allowed to be upset? That's ridiculous and very unkind. I'm so sorry for your loss and sending you a big virtual hug.

Of course you're allowed to be sad. Her passing at 99 is a silver lining, in the sense she got to lead and long and full life. It doesn't mean you shouldn't be upset. Tell your husband to catch himself on.

Ime the death of a close one reveals a lot about your relationship...
Not always good....

Thanks everyone he really has me questioning myself sometimes. “She’s 99 come on babe she was gonna pass at some point” as if that makes it any easier!!

Your husband is a dick!
Just to demonstrate how much of a dick: Years ago my cat died and I was upset way more than I anticipated. I told my partner that I was sorry for being so upset, I know it's just a cat. And his reply was - its' not "just a cat" it was someone you loved, of course you will be upset.

When my grandmother dies, I fully expect to be in bits. And I fully expect my partner to provide full support through the process of grief.

You are allowed whatever emotions you want to feel.

Including the emotion to want to do something to the unsympathetic areshole.

It's seriously worrying if your DH really thinks you are unreasonable grieving for the loss of your Gran.
Either he is saying it for purely selfish reasons because he sees your grief as an inconvenience to him or he actually sees older people as less than human and as surplus to requirements. Neither of these options show him to be a decent human being.

It doesn't matter how old a person is or what sort of life they lived, when someone dies we feel the pain of their loss regardless of all these things.

You're going to miss that person's presence in your life, you grieve a loss no matter how old they are.

Your husband sounds like a thoughtless prick.

Of course you're upset!

He's being a knob and he ought to give himself a shake. I'm sure you were well aware that at 99 she didn't have much time; that has nothing to do with the depth of your love for her or the sadness about losing her.

In time it will be a great comfort that she had a very long and fulfilling life.
But right now it's raw and you have every right to be devastated.
A loss is a loss. Thinking of you.

I am very sorry for your loss

Grief affects everyone differently. Your husband is being a knob.

If you were still in floods of tears say 2-3 years on then yes he would have a point. But after just 2 days when the funeral won’t have taken place - he is completely completely wrong. Trust your feelings not his commentary.

OK, let me retract my previous dick comment. What you wrote here is quite different from "you are making a big deal out of it".
Sounds like a clumsy attempt at comforting, whereas saying you are making a bid deal is dismissing your emotions. So what did he actually say?

Of course you're allowed to be upset! You've lost someone that you loved, her age is irrelevant. You can be glad that someone had a good long life but that doesn't stop you missing them or being sad!

Is your DH generally so insensitive to your feelings? This would seriously make me question the relationship.

What a horrible bastard

I can see both sides. Your DHs side being that it was inevitable and you should be celebrating she lived so long, your side being the loss and the love and the fact it’s sad when we lose people no matter their age.

My Grandmother died in her 90s and it hit me quite badly. Other people have died at the same age and I’ve just taken the “well they had a good innings” approach and not been as bothered. I think it depends on your relationship to the person how upset you feel. You are close to her, where as your DH probably is not. Both approaches are ok, but neither of you should be imposing your views on the other, especially your DH!

Sorry for your loss.