Am I allowed to be upset??

[Notamummsymum]

My 99 year old grandma died two days ago. I thought I would have been ok when she passed but it’s affecting me more than I thought. DH keeps saying she’s 99 I can’t expect her to live forever and that I’m making a big deal out of it.

What a dick. Of course logically you know that at 99, she was a great age but for fucks sake, it doesn’t make it hurt less or make you miss her less. I’m really sorry for your loss, Nanas are so precious. Mine is 88 and getting rather frail these days, I know she won’t go on forever but I also know I’ll be an absolute mess when we do lose her.
I’m also sorry you have such an insensitive, clumsy knobhead as a husband. Is he always like this?

has he always been such an asshat? "Come on babe" I mean how old is he?

You are allowed to feel sad and cry as much as you need to.
Remembering your shared history and loving memories.
Ime, sometimes people say insensitive things without fully appreciating how they are coming across.
Take care OP, your gm was clearly loved and cherished very much.
Relish those memories

I still feel sad about my great grandmother dying when in 1996 (I was eight years old.) I sometimes feel sad about her husband (my great grandfather) who died when I was a baby because I don't remember him but he adored me, and it makes me sad that I can't remember him. (I'm sure they come to visit me sometimes, but I'm very woo.)

I am so sorry for your loss OP. ❤️ You're allowed to grieve for as long as you need to.

I am very, very sorry for your loss.

The thing is, as I said to someone who said, somewhat reproachfully when I was upset when my Dad died, when he was 75, and I was 20,that he had had a good innings, was that no matter how old he was, it was still too soon for me to be ready to let go.

We were looking at my Mum dying a few years ago. She was 84. My 40 year old niece was sobbing on my shoulder. It was too soon for her to lose her Grandmum.

They have been there ALL YOUR LIFE. Of course you're upset! A touchstone of your life has gone, never to be that physical presence in your life again.

What a twat, just because she's 99 doesnt mean it doesnt matter.

Nope, of course you're allowed to, you don't need his permission either.
We lost my FIL in June last year, he was 95. Still hurts.

You absolutely are allowed to be upset!! DH is an idiot. I have lost many many people in my life so far.

The only thing I will say is, that older family still hurt a lot when they died. But for me anyway acceptance came a lot sooner. You can find a lot of solace in that they lived a long and full life. That is compared to people who just die far too young.

Of course you knew she would eventually die, but it is still painful when you lose someone you love.

He's an insensitive prick.

Fine to be upset.
Fine to be a bit surprised at how upset.

he is a bellend. Sorry about your grandma OP. ❤️

He's being a dick and you should tell him that.

Unlike perhaps his experience, her very long [and hopefully happy] life means you have had far more time with her than many of your peers whose GP's may have passed away when they were young. So of course you will feel her absence more.

I’m sorry for your loss 💐

if someone doesn’t understand that when you really love another human you’d naturally be upset or very sad when they die (at any age) I’d be wondering if they’ve actually ever really loved anyone? Perhaps they have no emotional reference point for what losing someone you really love might feel like.

Oh OP I’m so sorry for your loss. My beautiful grandmother died three years ago, she was over 100 and I still cry now. It’s not about age, it’s about how much we love them and miss them. It’s a terrible thing for your DH to say at any time let alone after two bloody days. I’d be rethinking the relationship if my DH said that. Grief is very personal and he doesn’t get to manage yours.

My 100 yo GMa died a few years ago and I remain grief stricken and bereft. I was shocked but realised she'd been the constant in my life. My DM 'changed' reinventing herself over and over whilst Gma was always so steady and dependable.

first of all, you are ALLOWED to be upset for whatever reason you are upset - they might be meaningless, but no one can dictate how you feel. You keep it to yourself in public, but that's nobody's business. Some people are upset because a celebrity they don't know passed away, or because some complete strangers at the other side of the world just died!

Your husband is, as said many times above, a dick. It's YOUR grand-mother, just because it's expected to happen at some point does not make it less sad.

Sounds a lot healthier and kinder than people saying "old people don't count anymore".

How horrible of him. Very sorry for your loss OP

There’s lots of comfort to be had when someone does after a good long life that was well-lived. But that doesn’t mitigate feeling sad at their death. You’re never going to see her again, of course you’re sad.

I am so sorry for your loss 💐

She was part of your whole life, all the years you have been on this planet she was there, of course you have a right to be grieving. He is very insensitive.

I still miss my Grandmother who died at age 91 seven years ago. I miss speaking to her. Even if it is expected you will still feel the loss of her in your life and that is normal. Take it easy on yourself, there will be ups and downs in how you feel day to day and you are allowed to feel all of those feelings when you have them.

I don’t think the age of someone matters at all when they die - you loved them and will miss them whether they were 39, 79, or 99. I’m sorry for your loss.

Sorry for your loss.
You are allowed to feel exactly how you feel. Your feelings are yours and no one else’s. 💐

i am so sorry for your loss,and that is exactly what it is, a loss. Somone you love has died and you will never see them again. Of course you are grieving, and he should be supporting and caring for you, not dictating how he thinks you should feel.

My great-granny was 98 when she passed away and I was devastated. Of course I knew she couldn't live forever and I'm grateful to have had her for as long as we did. It wasn't unexpected, she'd been frail for only the last 2 years of her life after being very fit and independent till then but she was still a hugely loved and important person to me. DH also loved her and grieved with me.

Of course you're allowed to be sad, your DH is being massively insensitive.
I'm deeply sorry for your loss.

Sorry for your loss. 99 is a great age but she was your Grandmother. I don't know how old you are but your Grandmother has been yours since you were born.

I had one Grandmother for 5 years and the other for 13 years and as I'm now 58 I have no thoughts or feelings about them. Your husband is an unsympathetic knob.