Expensive cinema trip ruined

[ExpensiveCinema]

I feel really bad posting this but I can’t discuss this in real life as I will feel guilty but I’m really upset so can people please not attack me!

We are really struggling financially at the moment and I am well into my overdraft and have credit card debts. It was my son’s birthday this week and he wanted to go cinema so we went yesterday and it was very expensive: £48 just on tickets for family of 4 - regular seats not even premium! Food cost around £21. (I know I could have saved this money and got my own but he really wanted the little boxes you get there), £8 parking for the time we were there. We haven’t been to the cinema for over 3 or 4 years so this was a treat.

we sat behind a family with what looked like a 12 or 13 year old boy (not too sure but looked this age) and he was making lots of noise which I ignored as kids obviously can’t stay quiet. I heard someone telling them to be quiet which the mum really loudly shouted “HE’S GOT SEN NEEDS!!”. He continued shouting throughout the entire film and then 10 minutes into it he started kicking my chair really hard! He was sat right behind me. I ignored it for a while then asked my youngest if I could sit in his seat and he could sit in my lap which we did. I could still feel the kicking as it was vibrating into my seat. I turned around and asked the family if he could please stop as it’s giving me a headache. They ignored me and I asked again and was told he’s got needs. My son (birthday boy) was upset as he couldn’t watch the film as they were right behind us. The rest of the family were equally loud talking like they’re at home! We left around 40 minutes into the movie as my son was upset.

I totally feel for any mum with a SEN child but this family did NOTHING to stop him impacting others. I feel guilty spending so much money for my son not to enjoy it. In hindsight we could have gone bowling which would have cost less. I’m interested in what others would have done? Would you grin and bear it as he had needs or say something? I’m glad we left as the atmosphere was really horrible there. Is there any way I could get my money back for the tickets? I know they probably won’t refund food or parking. I feel so unlucky that we were right infront of them and I know they impacted others too but this was supposed to be a treat and not an everyday experience for us.

It's just a larger screen that slightly wraps around the audience - it's more 'immersive' - usually more expensive than the standard screens and only really worth it in my opinion if it's a film where the emphasis is on special effects, dramatic location such as mountains, or action.

Definitely this, and they don't even know what SEN stands for if they said "he's got SEN needs" 🤦🏻‍♀️

Ah ok. You learn something new everyday day!

I thought that too!!!

They probably do, but it's just the way they choose to say it.

So many MNetters still say "I'm ASD" or "My child is ADHD".

You had a bad experience but you can't extrapolate to every other cinema

It’s just practice. Think about your son and how he feels and it might give you the confidence. Remember that the worst that can happen is that they say no they won’t refund you.

As long as you’re polite and explain what’s happened they are more than likely to move you, give you vouchers or refund you. For example I once went to ask for a new coffee because someone just bundled past me and knocked mine over. They just gave me a new one. I also complained about someone talking and throwing things. By the time I came back with an employee they’d left the area (think they may not have had tickets for that performance but just stayed there all day).

I was going to post that but didn't want to be accused of being a knob 😁

Family of entitled cunts. At the risk of being hung, drawn and quartered I do think some of this “SEN” is a cover for poor parenting allowing this sort of behaviour. I really feel for you OP.

I think you'd only be accused of being a knob if you said it to an actual MNetter who describes themselves/their children like this.

Thank you so much everyone for your support. Sorry for the confusion it was a typo - we sat in front and the family were behind us.

I’ve emailed the cinema but I might go in person tomorrow and speak to them. We did have a nice evening when we got back , we watched Netflix and he had treats. He hasn’t mentioned it today so I think he’s forgotten about it.

Oh I do feel for you! Hindsight is a wonderful thing, how annoying. I really hope you get a refund xx

I’d have spoken to a member of staff. There are specific screenings for SEN kids precisely for this reason. I’d have accepted a refund or an offer to attend a different screening.

I wouldn’t feel badly that you didn’t. We don’t all react perfectly in the moment and I can understand you didn’t want to make a bad situation possibly worse on your son’s birthday. If you now feel “I wish I had handled that differently” then perhaps give some thought to what you could have done. What you might have said. For next time.
i think you build your confidence by starting to speak up kindly and politely - and know that sometimes things are messy. You are allowed to take up space.
If you know there are situations that you are uncomfortable in, perhaps start small in those situations and try some different ways of responding.
is there someone you admire who handles difficult situations in a way you admire? In these situations, ask yourself “what would xyz have done” and perhaps imagine you are in their shoes in these situations. Or imagine very supportive encouraging people are around you cheering you on. This is so effective. Whenever I am scared, I really slow myself down. I drop my voice, I breathe deeply and I speak really a great deal more slowly than I do normally. I leave gaps to think. I make sure I don’t rush (I am a rusher.) This helps to eliminate nerves or lack of confidence showing up in your voice. When your voice sounds confident, you feel confident. I really recommend practicing this.
Give yourself permission for things to perhaps go wrong or not be perfect. You didn’t mess this up. Sometimes people are not great and things don’t work out. You’re doing fine. X

Absolutely love this and the point about the OP modelling compassion and trying to balance this with boundaries. X

Here’s a good opener for any time you want to raise an issue with staff without creating a drama.

‘Excuse me, I’m wondering if you can help. There’s a bit of an issue with ………. I realise it’s not any one persons fault, but it’s also not what we were hoping for from our visit here. Would it be possible to move to a different seat / move to a different area / be rebooked for another day / get the meal replaced because it’s not what we ordered / you to have a quiet word with the other person. Would really appreciate your help.

The film - he's much better than he used to be but he forgets he's not at home - "did you see that? That's so funny! Look at him!"

Agreed. I’ve been to SEN friendly cinema viewing before and so much easier.
that family were clearly obnoxious regardless of the child’s Sen.
Went to the cinema recently and someone was actually talking on their phone for chunks of the film.
luckily far enough away for it to not bother me but it must have really pissed off their neighbouring seats.

I had a similar experience before Christmas. Went to Wicked (which seems like a kids film, but isn't really) and there was a family in front of us with two kids that seemed to be about 5/6. One was watching things on a phone (why be at the cinema???) and the other was running around. The parents were the worst though - they each took a phone call at various points in the film, speaking at full volume. I mentioned it to my friend who manages a cinema and she said I should have gone out and got a staff member - they would have evicted the family without saying who it was who complained. I'm quite a confident person generally but I was afraid to do anything about these people - when someone shows no understanding of norms it's quite scary and makes the person seem potentially dangerous. The really annoying thing is that they actually left of their own accord about 20 mins before the end because it became so obvious that the children were not interested that they couldn't stay any longer. Why did they bother in the first place??

I would definitely try to get a refund.

What on earth is happening in this country? People have changed beyond recognition. The entitlement and disregard for others is astonishing. What kind of next generation are we raising?

How did you get on @ExpensiveCinema ?

Tell em your kid has got sen 'needs'' too

Like others I would have spoken to a member of staff. I've annoyingly had to do this on a number of occasions throughout my life, and on one occasion when we walked out, we immediately got a full refund. We complained immediately too though.

The latest occasion was Star Wars reruns. One family decided to take a photo of the opening shot, posted on social media and then started surfing and talking. I told them twice to put their phones away and stop talking. Then I walked out, got an usher and the family were asked to be quiet or leave. The usher stayed. Within 5 minutes the family left as they were clearly bored.

There is no harm in calling the cinema, telling them what happened - including the birthday event - and see what they say. They may offer an alternative day as goodwill. Xx